ate_the_paint Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 So she left you. Maybe she wanted to "take a break" or maybe she found someone else, or maybe she felt the relationship was stuck and wanted out. It doesn't matter what the reason is. She left you. So at first you begged and cried and told her she was wrong. Maybe you called her and emailed her and poured your heart out to her. You probably said you would change. But that didn't make you feel better or bring her back; it only made you feel worse. Later on you initiate NC but all day and all night you can't stop thinking about her. You role-play in your imagination the scenes where she comes running back to your arms and everyone lives happily ever after. You use NC as a tool to make her miss you. Remember that she left you. Who cares why? If you're trying to find out why then you are really just trying to cling to the relationship. A relationship, I might add, that doesn't exist any more. She left you and you still want her back. Why do you want her back now? Think about it: why are you obsessing over someone who doesn't want to be with you? Wouldn't you rather be happy? Wouldn't you rather have someone in your life who finds you irresistable? Use the period of NC to analyze what you want out of a relationship. Who cares about her at this point in time. She'll do whatever she decides to do and you have no control over that. Instead, r-e-a-l-l-y think about what led to the break up, what parts of your relationship with your ex you wish had been different, and what you want in your next one. NC is for you. If she left you wondering with a broken heart, you really need to ask yourself why you want her back. Only once you start asking yourself these questions will you start to move on and grow.
kizik Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Great post. Thanks for taking the time to write that. You're right, I don't even want her back. I want SOMEONE who finds me irresistable and thinks about me all the time. Makes me feel loved. The reasons she left are unimportant. I was not #1 in her book and therefore she will never be in mine again. "NC is for you..." perfect. Man, I hate being a guy, though. Being a single, twenty-something guy has got to be the most wretched experience... everyone is all paired up by now, single chicks only exist in the week-long interim between R's. Someone tell me that a smart, handsome kind single dude gets chicks.
soda Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Man, I hate being a guy, though. Being a single, twenty-something guy has got to be the most wretched experience... everyone is all paired up by now, single chicks only exist in the week-long interim between R's. Someone tell me that a smart, handsome kind single dude gets chicks. There are plenty of good, single women out there. You've been missing them because they were good enough not to interfere with your relationship. It seems like everyone is paired up, but this place wouldn't exist if that were the case. Women are dogs because they count on you to think that way. They count on the fact that they can always come crawling back when the fun is done. The only way to get through is to hold your head high, be confident in the fact that you'll be happy again, and work toward your happiness. She'll regret it someday...don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she hurt you.
kizik Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Thanks. I appreciate that. As far as giving her the satisfaction of knowing she hurt me, trust me, I don't contact her or tell her about that. But she did hurt me. Unless she's reading my posts, she has no idea what she's done to me. Which is unfortunate. But I have a spine, dignity, pride. I do not think she deserves a single word from me. Can't wait to meet girls. I feel like once I make a meaningful connection, the excitement of that will overshadow this pain. I wrote my shortest song ever last night. It goes like this: "When I find that person, now She will make you look like Such a child."
Author ate_the_paint Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 There are plenty of good, single women out there. You've been missing them because they were good enough not to interfere with your relationship. It seems like everyone is paired up, but this place wouldn't exist if that were the case. Very true. Actually I didn't realize how many single women were out there until recently. It took a while for my head to clear but then I started noticing that for some reason I was always around lots of single women. And then I started remembering how the flirting game goes, and then I realized that there are not only lots of single women out there, but quite a few of them are interested! All the signs and little things a woman does when she's interested are obvious; I just had to pull that file out of a dusty drawer in my memory. It's just a matter of opening your eyes. Shake the cobwebs off and get out and about!
kizik Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Good points! Thanks for the encouragement. The last few times I've gone out, it's been a "sausage fest" or all the women were ugly or taken.. Ha. But it's nice to know that people like you notice the single chicks. I'm going to a university downtown this fall, sound like a good op. to meet young hotties?
Author ate_the_paint Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 I'm going to a university downtown this fall, sound like a good op. to meet young hotties? kizik, you can't find a better place! Just be cool and be yourself. Remember to keep your head held high, and if you're going to wear t-shirts then make sure they are nice ones. Nice kizik. Come the fall you will be a different man, guaranteed! I'll start looking for your posts on the "dating and relationships" boards!
orangehose Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Man, I hate being a guy, though. Being a single, twenty-something guy has got to be the most wretched experience... everyone is all paired up by now, single chicks only exist in the week-long interim between R's. Someone tell me that a smart, handsome kind single dude gets chicks. Are you kidding me? You'll get chicks, especially as you're heading to a university... Though it's true that plenty of women in their twenties just hop from relationship to relationship, with hardly any time to breathe in between. I think that's a dangerous pattern, because on the off chance those women have to be alone (and most likely they'll have to be alone at some point) they'll have a really tough time adjusting. During the twenties, I think women have more options because they're young and attractive, whereas as they age, men have more options because they accumulate status and money (yes, I know it's a cliche but cliches have truth to them sometimes).
sunshinegirl Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Wow, I sure did mess up. I let it be known that my ex hurt me, to the point where I went mad & poured out my heart to her, even though she cheated on me, I still wanted her back, even drove by her house like a stalker one day, I felt ashamed for doing it. She always tried to hide when she was not happy and she tried to hide the fact that i sitll had power over her & tried to hide the fact that i hurt her. As I think back at it, she had something to prove to me, that she didn't listen to me & my words didn't affect her but it did. I still don't understand why she cared & why she left me. She still confuses me till this day. With all due respect, didn't you post something in another thread here (that you have since edited) saying you had gotten physical with her (and not in the good way) at one or more points in your relationship?
kizik Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Are you kidding me? You'll get chicks, especially as you're heading to a university... Though it's true that plenty of women in their twenties just hop from relationship to relationship, with hardly any time to breathe in between. I think that's a dangerous pattern, because on the off chance those women have to be alone (and most likely they'll have to be alone at some point) they'll have a really tough time adjusting. During the twenties, I think women have more options because they're young and attractive, whereas as they age, men have more options because they accumulate status and money (yes, I know it's a cliche but cliches have truth to them sometimes). Thanks for the encouragement orange, and also for the wise assessment on the diff's between men and women in their 20s. Ugh, I still hate thinking about my ex already dating someone, though I don't want to know either way, and have no WAY of knowing.
sunshinegirl Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 During the twenties, I think women have more options because they're young and attractive, whereas as they age, men have more options because they accumulate status and money (yes, I know it's a cliche but cliches have truth to them sometimes). Hey! I resemble that remark! [says 30-something LUMINOUS Sunshinegirl]
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