arm7d Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 To make a long story short, I dated a sweetheart of a girl off and on for the last year. Our relationship lacked strong definition, largely because I felt unable to commit because of a difficult previous relationship. She eventually wanted a real relationship and we broke up. We got back together about a month later but broke up again several weeks later with us both admitting we never tried hard enough. We've remained friends but about a month after we last slept together I find out through facebook she has a boyfriend. He seems like a good guy and her friends like him but the timing of it was suspect to me like maybe she was trying to get back at me for being a jackass for so long. In any case now that she's made it clear she's moving on I realize what I let slip away. We still talk nearly every day and see each other frequently because of work and mutual friends and were still pretty flirty with each other but lately every time I see her my stomach twists up, I'm thinking of her often, and I can't believe I let her go because she really is awesome. I suspect she still has feelings for me and my best friend thinks I should tell her how I feel and see what happens. My concern more than getting shot down is that ill either ruin a good thing she has now and ill change my mind later. The difference this time though is that I never had butterflies in my stomach before and have not felt this strongly about anyone in a long time. I finally feel ready for a real and good relationship. I saw her this morning at work and she agreed to have a drink with me tonight. I'm planning on telling her how I feel now before its too late although it may already be. I'd appreciate any advice from people in similar situations. Did you change your mind later? Am I just into her because of her boyfriend? Or am I just finally realizing that I let a great thing slip away because of my own baggage? FYI were both 24 so young but not too young and we've both had serious relationships before although the only one I've had ended with my heart broken hence the baggage. Thanks to all!
paladin1 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Short answer: "Am I just into her because of her boyfriend?" Yup. If you did not figure out you wanted to be with her through over a year of on and off again dating, and now that she is with someone else you have these feelings; it isn't likely YOU who've changed, it's that she is no longer "interested" and otherwise occupied---thus a challenge---thus back to being intriguing. Suggestion? Back off; be her friend; hang out and enjoy her company. If your feelings PERSIST, you continually enjoy her company as a friend and she becomes single again in the future, then make your feelings known. Or: Leave her alone. Either way; you had your shot and if it never got better after "on again off again" dating, likely it isn't going to get there this time. Good luck!
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