Integrare Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 She broke up with me at the end of April after 6 years and planning the wedding two months before that, she already is done with her rebound as I found out 7 days ago. We met at a bar, it was strange because I noticed her the moment I walked in the bar, she looked as though a spotlight was following her around. She wasn't really my type, so I thought it was strange. Later, my friend was picking up on her and she would answer his question and ask the same question he just asked to me. She left our area and I noticed a credit card on the ground which I was going to give to the bartender, my friends thought it was her's even though they didn't see her drop it. So I brought it to her and we traded phone numbers. Leaving the bar, I thought to myself "I'm going to marry that woman." Again, very strange, she wasn't really my type and honestly, I was just looking for a hookup. Fast forward to now, her mother and half-bro absolute despise me (we had to take care of her 11 year old half-brother 4-5 days a week.) Her dad loves me, but she doesn't have a good relationship with him after the mom cut and run when she was 10 and he didn't fight to keep her. Her mother and half-bro lived with us for two bouts of 2 months, because they didn't have anywhere else to go the second time and the first time because she was moving out of the country. She wasn't very appreciative and as a result, the two of us would bicker frequently. This put a strain on my ex and my relationship hardcore. We were doing really well until her mother moved back out here and she spent more time with her. In the six years that we were together, she never gave me an ultimatum until about two months before she broke up with me and her mother is notorious for bouncing from relationship to relationship and giving ultimatums. She wanted me to tell my parents about our plans to get married immediately, but I really wanted to wait until I finished my board exams for grad school in two months. This put a lot of pressure on me because my parents are also very controlling and difficult to talk to. She couldn't wait two months for me to finish, so she left due to that and my strained relationship with her mom and brother. I still want her back because I could see how happy we were without outside interference and I thought that God or fate had brought us together forever, and she said that she still loved me when she broke up, but she didn't think love could carry us through life. I think she knew for a while before, though, I noticed that she didn't care for my physical affection, like putting my hand on her shoulder or hip while we were sleeping (she'd shrug me off in an agitated manner) and the way she'd look at me. It's really hard for me, I don't mind the rebound guy with her because I want her to find out what else is out there in the event she comes back, but I really wish I knew because this pining stuff is for the birds and dating other women honestly makes me sick right now. Any opinions or projections?
ate_the_paint Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Integrare...been there, done that. Actually I was hooked on your story because much of what you described happened to me. At first I thought maybe I had split personality and had posted under a different name! My fiance left me at the end of April after 6 years together, too. We were planning the wedding, etc. She had become cold and irritated with me. I thought the fates had brought us together. Dating other women made (past-tense) me sick. That's where our stories differ. She wasn't too big on my family because my mother is a bit hard to handle at times, but her family LOVED me. It seems crazy that she could throw away six years, doesn't it? Well, she has and that can't change. So going forward what do you do? You were asking for advice, well, you've come to the right place. Some people here are cynics, some are optimists, some are hard-asses, others are hopeless romantics...every single one of them will help to give you a perspective on what to do. Also, every single one of them, regardless of personality, will tell you to go with No Contact (NC). I came here as an emotional basket-case and this site played a part in helping me get my feet back on the ground. Also, if you can I would suggest finding some counselling. Remember that it's not about the relationship at this point. It's about you now. That's hard to hear but you should be in a place after two months where you can sit and think clearly. Good luck and keep us posted!
Author Integrare Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 Wow, the stories are remarkably similar. Thanks for the reply. I feel so much better after reading other peoples stories, especially yours since they are so similar, and I don't feel so alone. It's been 7 days NC for me now, I have my ups and downs, but it felt like it gradually got worse for a while up until a couple of days ago, now I'm feeling a little better day by day. I've tried to go out a few times and boy, the scene sure is different from when you are 24 than when you are 30!
The Y Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 How can they do this crap to us? WHY????????????????????????????????/////////////////////////////
Vyliss Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 well women are bitches i guess. Well, from the sounds of it, both you and ate_the_paint got too comfortable in a 6 year relationship. I could be wrong but most likely they just got bored and used what excuse they could find to get themselves out. Maybe they wanted to create some drama too and most likely they were being bitchy before the breakup to simply 'get your attention', if that makes any sense. THe best to do is just try to move on for now. She won't come back as long as she knows she'll get more of the same. People want variety and excitement in their relationships if you can't provide that they will leave eventually. That goes for any relationship you have.
kizik Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Vyliss, your advice is really not helpful at all. Stop blaming the men for their girlfriends leaving them, because they were "bored". Just because you're the type of chick to leave guys in the dust (as you bragged on another thread) doesn't mean all women are like this. And thank Christ not all women are like you. If you don't have anything helpful or insightful to say, get the hell off the boards. Hey guys! Vyliss says you should "move on!" Do you feel better now?
Vyliss Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 ? Is this a male dominated forum? Am I not allowed to voice my opinion, give an insight to maybe what the women leaving was perhaps thinking? Why put all the blame on the women when clearly something was wrong on both sides for it to fall apart? Women are loyal to their men until something happens! They don't just leave to hurt or spite them. And besides I was answering partly The_Y, and I know not all women are this way but from the sounds of the original poster, she probably was!
Author Integrare Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 I appreciate everyone's viewpoints thus far. Thanks for taking the time to read my story. Today was the first day I really feel like I don't want her back. I know there are going to be a lot of ups and downs, so we'll see how long this lasts.
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