Malek1970 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Been married for 4 years,and 7 years total.my wife was 24 i was 34...ever since we met we were always doing things together speending a lot of time going out and having fun.I had a descent job and she was still in school part time and working.when we got married things started going downhill for me...my job was no longer there and she was moving up the ladder in her carreer.The roles were reversed after a while she was making more money than me and she was still moving up quickly in her carrer...I felt like a big loser and it also affected our sex life...She was telling me that i should be looking for a better job for a while,but i wasn't taking things to seriously even with our sex life she wasn't happy after a while...I should have seen the warning sighns.I did however do everything for her around the house even most of the cooking and cleaning...garden...pool...etc.I would help her with whatever she needed,but financialy i wasn't anywere close to were she was.I was always there emotionally when she had a problem and i would give her a lot of love and hugs kisses...etc...I even spent time with her when she was in school i would wait for her to come out...and it put a smile on her face when she saw me...obviosly now things are different....we are seperating and im moving out in about a week she is keeping the house seperated our assets ammicly with no fights we have no kids thank god...She tells me that she will have to see a change in me if we are going to work things out,she wants to see me take my Responsibilities seriously.But she is still not sure...now if someone saw us right now they wouldn't even think we are seperated the way we act together like nothing is wrong...Anyway im confused cause im moving out and i feel like she will always keep tabs on my life.I still love her and she still loves me as she says.Anyway the bottom line for her is she was fed up of having to deal with all the finances all by herself....my small salary didn't make a dent for her....and the sex life went downhill also...Anyway im depressed and confused...don't know if i can move on easily...i can't even spell right today...lol. Thanks
WTFOVERMAN Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 You having no kids makes this alot easier to evaluate. Give her the time and space to miss you. It seems that you did everything other than provide for her financially. Beleive it or not, women love to make more money than their men. Its a power thing and when they can provide for themselves and not NEED you...stand bye for change! The only common bond that you have is love and it seems that her bond is as strong as wet bubble gum. You gotta let her be for now. She knows you care for her. Do not change for her if you do not want to. Her true reasoning for wanting out will come to light within time. After that, you can really look at how far you are willing to bend. Take this time for yourself. Recommend IC or MC for both of you and if it doesnt work, press on and live your life. I know it is hard for you right now but this will pass. Time will heal all wounds. Think of it as a scab. Why peel the scab to expose the wound. You can only bandage bandage and let time heal. Be strong and get a good paying job. Buy yourself nice things be confident. That will drive her crazy unless she truly wants out. YOU NEVER KNOW HER TRUE INTENTIONS UNTIL THEY REAR THEIR UGLY HEAD!
Author Malek1970 Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 Another thing is that i will still be seing her even after i move out,she can't take care of the house alone and im a nice guy so i told her i would be coming by to clean the garden and the pool every week.Am i being to nice or should i just let her handle everything on her own?
TrustInYourself Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Take control of your situation. Stop being a damn push over. Get a real job that pays for yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and overcome. The quicker you get back on your feet and really show your wife that you can provide for yourself and others, the sooner you can make a decision on whether or not you want her back. Trust me, she's keeping tabs so she can see if you do what it takes for her to be happy. At that point, when you are strong, independent, happy, and focused, you get to really take charge of your life and your marriage. Empower yourself.
WTFOVERMAN Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I wouldn't do anything for her from now own. She wanted to push you away, let her assume the manly duties that you once did. Why would doing the gardening change her opinion of you now. Didnt you already do this while you lived in the house. Brother I would park down the street and watch her A55 cut the grass and pull the weeds. Buy some beer and a pack of smokes and prepare for reality tv. You will see if she was really prepared for this move! It takes time to see the light---once you do see it, it is blinding with a hell of alot of hurt and humor. I cant explain it now but you will see what I am talking about. Keep your head up and learn to say NO to her.
Author Malek1970 Posted June 28, 2008 Author Posted June 28, 2008 Well its going to be entertaining to see what she does cause she was never handy around the house,she wouldn't even know how a lawnmower starts...its sad though cause i put a lot of time and sweat in the garden and in trying to keep the house neat....she was more into her job.But it would make a great reality tv series...The stress is really getting to me though with all the move and paper work...The one positive thing i got an appartment next to one of my best friends so it will be good company...she actually told me today that she was sad to see me go,looks like she is confused or regrets her descision.Thanks wtforeverman...
Gunny376 Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Was it me, I'd move out and she would think I'd feel off the face of the Earth. I wouldn't help with the house, I wouldn't call, I wouldn't text her, I wouldn't e-mail her, zlich, nothing, nadda! And then I'd get on with living and improving my lot in Life. I'd put her behind me and move on. Basically what she's saying that you were good enough for her when you were working the job you had before you got laid off, and while she was in school (aka putting her through school) but now your not! Joan Luden's husband was the stay-at-home dad that took care of the their home and their two daughters as she climbed the ladder of the national news media. When she started bringing in the big bucks rubbing elbows with the elite of the world, suddenly he was enough of a man and a father for her, and she wanted a divorce. I still re-call the news clip showing her coming out of the divorce court madder than Hell~ :mad: The judge awarded them joint custdoy of the children, etc,....................but she had to pay the old boy $12,000 a month in alimony!!!
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Was it me, I'd move out and she would think I'd feel off the face of the Earth. I wouldn't help with the house, I wouldn't call, I wouldn't text her, I wouldn't e-mail her, zlich, nothing, nadda! And then I'd get on with living and improving my lot in Life. I'd put her behind me and move on. Basically what she's saying that you were good enough for her when you were working the job you had before you got laid off, and while she was in school (aka putting her through school) but now your not! Joan Luden's husband was the stay-at-home dad that took care of the their home and their two daughters as she climbed the ladder of the national news media. When she started bringing in the big bucks rubbing elbows with the elite of the world, suddenly he was enough of a man and a father for her, and she wanted a divorce. I still re-call the news clip showing her coming out of the divorce court madder than Hell~ :mad: The judge awarded them joint custdoy of the children, etc,....................but she had to pay the old boy $12,000 a month in alimony!!! That's what I call justice!
Gunny376 Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Now that I think of it! Bring it on! I'd file for divorce and ask for alimony from Miss High Pockets! Since she earns so much than you! Then after I get my alimony check, I'd set up a beach umbrella, a lawn chair with a cooler full of beer and watch her cut the grass and tend to the rose garden she planted!
dead-dyke Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 I don't want to offend anyone, but, JESUS H. CHRIST. This is me. Almost to a T - I like everyones advice for you, so I no longer have a reason to tell my story. Listen to what these guys are saying. I'm a year out, not divorced yet. You will likely be, and TIY will concur, emotionally retarded for a while. Don't chase, she will run. End result, follow these guys advice to whatever varying degree you have to. My wife went from loving, .. oh, you get it. She now seems so materialistic, and self important, and since moving my stuff out in Dec., havn't said boo to her... Has it helped? I doubt it, except I can now be happy about progress in school, and if she thinks after I'm up and running again and want back in? No thanks. I didn't get married to live on my own and be responsible for myself. You are supposed to be a unit - you know, for better or better, right? If the roles were reversed, I'd be the biggest ********* this side of the country. Funny, but not really. Follow these guys advice. If you're anything like I was from the gate, you won't be thinking straight.
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