rosalie Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Ok, will try to make a long story short. First 'real' relationship after my divorce. We hung out for 3 months, it was never exclusive one of those fun, see what happens relationships that died before taking off, I went overseas, it ended. I understood, I was gutted but I never doubted or was that angry with him for ending it. Nothing for 6 months, a month ago he calls, I let it go to message bank, no message left, nothing, this week he calls again and leaves a message and says "God knows what I'm doing" call me if you want don't call me if you don't want to but I want see everything is good and alright with you. Boys - why do you do that??? I am seeing someone else and it's good though we have our issues. I really like the new guy but have never gotten over the last am confused about responding or not, I don't want to start anything but I don't want him to think I'm bitter... Still can't help but wonder why he is doing this?? Some objective viewpoints are welcome.
nicki Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I'm not a guy, but when that happens to me it's usually because the ex wants to start something back up or just hook up for sex. Sometimes it's about friendship, too, but that's a rarer deal. Since you are with someone new, don't disrespect him by responding to the ex for the simple reason you still have feelings for the ex. Why feed into it? Would you get back together with the ex if he asked you to? Do a bit of soul searching, and ask yourself "What good could come of it if I respond?" You don't want to keep a new guy on the hook while you see if there is anything to rekindle with the ex. If you had no romantic feelings about the ex, I might say respond and say "hi" back, but to let your new boyfriend know about any ongoing contact. Very slippery slope in any situation.
Keridan Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Before I met my wife, I had a girlfriend that I was with for a long time. Long story short, we broke up and both ended up engaged later. At one point, I had gone back to college to finish a degree and I happened to be in classes with her new fiance. I didn't want to be rude, so I talked to him and I sent her an email. We went back and forth a couple times and she ended up resenting me and accusing me of trying to get her back. I won't bother to explain how absurd it was. The fact that I'm married covers that. I was just wondering if she was happy. I felt guilty for breaking up with her and I honestly liked her as a person. There are several reasons why he might be contacting you. I think it's a tough call whether or not to return the call. If you think there might be some danger to your current relationship, skip it. If you just want to assure him you're doing well and thank him for his concern, go ahead. I'm sorry I can't be more help, but I do wish you luck
Tomcat33 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Nothing for 6 months, a month ago he calls, I let it go to message bank, no message left, nothing, this week he calls again and leaves a message and says "God knows what I'm doing" call me if you want don't call me if you don't want to but I want see everything is good and alright with you. He wants to start booty back up.
SeraBella Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I won't bother to explain how absurd it was. The fact that I'm married covers that. You think it sounds absurd, but it is NOT. My ex boyfriend wanted to get back together with me, hid his marriage for a few months, then I found out about that and stopped talking for a few months. He apologized and wanted to be friends, the ONE time we hung out things went too far (not sex, but close enough). That was more than a year ago, and he is still trying to get me back...he's also still "happily" married. Women put up defenses, especially when they are not entirely over something/someone. OP - my exes tend to contact me when looking to date again, hookup, or when a relationship just ended and they are lonely (which still falls into the date/hookup categories). I've had them say they just "miss me" or "want to be friends" but in those cases they're always just looking for sex.
Author rosalie Posted July 4, 2008 Author Posted July 4, 2008 He wants to start booty back up. ha! thanks for the reality check appreciate it, you're right, I know, it's just tempting as it was good SeraBella too -it's easy to get sucked back in even though you're dating someone you like even if it's not perfect. Thanks! Thanks nickie and keridan, I did call him at a time when I knew he wouldn't be at his phone and said it was nice to hear from him and that he was alive and well... yadayada, I think I did the right thing by showing I'm not bitter though I still have a major thing for him, it was a bad time for both of us. My current SO knows all of this, I was honest with him, was at his place when the last call came. He's away this weekend and he's called me alot so I know he's worried - that balance between being polite to the ex (and I still do have affection) and focusing on the now is hard, especially when you don't hate the ex and things are iff-y with the current and you often think they are more suited despite. That booty call from the ex can be very tempting sometimes
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