Nevermind Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I don't want to paint a wrong picture...he may do that, but I won't. I had self-esteem issues before him. And I have them after him. Even though it would be easy, I cannot put the blame on him. His calling me stupid (even though I think he meant it in a cute way) was wrong and made me doubt myself even more, but this just intensified what was already there. He did not create that. He was very nice and very loving the first few months, and we were wonderful together then. The sex was great and he did try to give me confidence and pleasure. It was a gigantic ego-boost for him that he was my first, and he really enjoyed making an impression. He did. His jealousy was crazy, and he called me a bitch/whore once for being friendly to a guy once, but overall he was great. I don't know what I did, or how it turned sour, but it did...this is when he started to **** me without my consent - but also without my protest. I should have said no, I should have been open about it, but I didn't. Maybe I never gave him a chance? During the LDR, he was terrible. And it was then that my sense of self-worth really went down the toilet. His fault, my fault? More mine than his. He was not responsible for making me feel good. But he could have tried. Our relationship never had a future. There is nothing else to say about it. But the first few months were great. I just don't see why we couldn't establish a friendship...charlotte did with many of her exes...d-lish is friends with her ex-husband, even though he cheated. I don't know how I come out to be the bad one.
carhill Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Friendships come from shared interests and philosophies and values. Not all romantic relationships are based on those factors. Consider this period as a time to learn and grow. There are many friend potentials out there. Based solely on this OP, I would not consider your ex to be one of them. In the future, you may indeed have an ex or two with whom you can be friends after you have healed from the pain of the failed relationship. No one knows this until it happens. I know how self-esteem issues can lead to unhealthy relationships. I've walked that path. I can only offer the reassurance that indeed you are a good person and deserving of love and respect. I hope you own that. A new day begins. You are alive. It's a very precious place to be
Author Nevermind Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 We did have some common interests: photography and history, travelling and food. We both adore cute animal videos and we both have a silly kind of humour. We could have been friends.
carhill Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Were you friends before? As in non-romantic friends? For example, I had this great female friend I had known for 10 years or so. We drifted apart when she got married. If something romantic had ever developed between us, I could easily have seen us going back to being friends at some point if it didn't work out, as we got on great and shared so much in common and had the chemistry of friendship prior. Does that help? I'll give another example. I've got another female friend, one with whom I've had romantic feelings for many years. Our timing has just been wrong. She's married, and then I'm married We maintained a somewhat forced platonic friendship. I doubt, if a romantic relationship didn't work out, that I could ever find the right place to be friends with her again. Different dynamic, different feelings. In fact, this tension and frustration finally got the better of me and I just wasn't being a proper friend anymore, so we've cut contact, much like you've done with your ex. Unless I can resolve my romantic feelings for her, we'll likely never be able to be proper friends, even though we might have been otherwise. Hopefully, you'll be able to resolve your feelings. What will happen will happen....
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