Art_Critic Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 It is way more than "reaching". It is an hysterical over estimation with no evidence to support it. The guy may be a tad strange and his expectations may not fit SGs willingness to comply but the solution is simple - lose his number. This could have been resolved in one or two pages. IBW.. we are all colored by our own experiences.. Some people here have been in abusive relationships and those relationships follow a pattern.. I know this to be true.. I was in an abusive marriage many years ago and my then wife ( or now ex wife ) followed many of those same patterns.. It is plausible that because of the few things that were mentioned that the man has some unappealing traits that follow the pattern of abusive men.. It doesn't mean he is abusive but it has been brought up to SG so she can keep her eyes open so that if other flags present themselves she can make a good decision. I noticed your first thread on LS was about something similar.. you basically fell in love with someone on your 2nd date.. So you are also close to a situation that bears a beginning similarity but on the other side... I'm sure SG would want to hear your insight so it can help her as well.. but telling the people who you don't agree with on this thread that their viewpoint is laughable doesn't do that..
Krytie TV Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 In this case the chemistry is fouled by the guy's behavior. Perhaps. But at the risk of sounding deeper than this whole topic warrants, isn't it possible that the chemistry is off because of the unusualness of the whole thing rather than actual and honest warning signs? It's very possible that people are seeing warning signs simply this guy is far more open than most are. If it ain't there, it ain't there. I just think it's important to consider why it ain't there. I know first hand that it's easy to be scared away by the very things we wish for. I think people are reading way far into this situation. It just looks simple. If simple is scary, sobeit.
Lishy Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Yes he could just be more open than most men. He could be shy He could be lonely He could think he will marry Star He could be a weirdo stalker He could be anything but the question is ... Does Star think he is worth the risk? And it is a risk, as his behaviour at this early stage has proven.
Storyrider Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I still think he's an amateur psychologist, and he thought if Star did this for him, it would make her hot for him.
Trialbyfire Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I still think he's an amateur psychologist, and he thought if Star did this for him, it would make her hot for him. "Pwease let me serve you!"
Ariadne Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I still think he's an amateur psychologist, and he thought if Star did this for him, it would make her hot for him. I think something like that too. Not that she'll like him and psychologist stuff. Just a way to make it official like they are "bfs" so she won't slip away. That's why she freaked out bc she is not sure if she likes him even.
Lishy Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 It is actually quite disturbing that a grown man cannot buy a shirt for himself!
Storyrider Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I think something like that too. Not that she'll like him and psychologist stuff. Just a way to make it official like they are "bfs" so she won't slip away. That's why she freaked out bc she is not sure if she likes him even. Yeah, that makes sense.
Ariadne Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, Kind of like a guy asks you out on a date. And you tell him, my family is having a bbq this weekend and my cousins from out of state are coming, I'd love for you to be there.
Art_Critic Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I still think he's an amateur psychologist, and he thought if Star did this for him, it would make her hot for him. His way of trying to see what he could get away with maybe...
Trialbyfire Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 If this were a test, he wouldn't be getting his sister to do it instead!
nittygritty Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Is he wanting you to pay for his new shirt and tie??? Don't put yourself in the position to find out.
johan Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Perhaps. But at the risk of sounding deeper than this whole topic warrants, isn't it possible that the chemistry is off because of the unusualness of the whole thing rather than actual and honest warning signs? It's very possible that people are seeing warning signs simply this guy is far more open than most are. It's not really that unusual. But the chances of it being healthy are very low. And I think your semantics and mine don't match up. I don't think turning a complete stranger into an instant girlfriend is a sign of openness. I think it's a sign of bad judgment, probably driven by a frantic need to plug a hole in his life. No one really wants to be a plug. He's ready to play house, and that just means rushing into something that could be difficult to get out of once the two get to know each other. To me, this is where the "abuser" flag would be triggered. His motives are unknown, but there are people in the world who try to hurry in and lock the deal, creating something deep and complicated and difficult to get out of before the girl realizes who she's gotten involved with. By then her deeper emotions are engaged and it's easier to get her to stay. There are guys who operate this way. I've seen it. It's disgusting. I would like to think I'm confident and stable enough to allow a woman to get to know who I am, and let her feelings develop based on that. That can't happen in one week, after one date.
sfsassy Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Lol. My ex helped me pick out a dress I was wearing to a wedding on a first date. (I was going to the wedding with another guy, who was my ex at the time. Had dated him like 4 years earlier) Anyway, It wasn't at all planned though. We met for coffee and were having a blast chatting. At one point I said something about how I needed to look for a dress for a wedding, so I had to go. He then said he had time, and would love to go with me, so we could keep talking. (The store and cafe were in the same mall.) Him being him naturally he gave opinions on the dresses. It didn't seem weird at the time, but it all happened very spontaneously . (and I didn't try them on with him, but made my final choices at home.) About 4 months later, he had me look at some clothes that he had brought to see which ones looked good on him. (And he had asked his big sister about them before me. I would have felt weird if he had expected me to go shopping with him in the begining, but it would have been in the yellow flag category. However, with everything else, and the phone thing, I would sayrSG's guy is desperate and lonely and not worth her time. I would be hesitant labeling him a psycho though.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 28, 2008 Author Posted June 28, 2008 If this were a test, he wouldn't be getting his sister to do it instead! Exactly. It's not really that unusual. But the chances of it being healthy are very low. Right again. I don't think turning a complete stranger into an instant girlfriend is a sign of openness. I think it's a sign of bad judgment, probably driven by a frantic need to plug a hole in his life. No one really wants to be a plug. He's ready to play house, and that just means rushing into something that could be difficult to get out of once the two get to know each other. I don't think so either. If that's the sort of "openness" Krytie has, well than that explains a lot. Krytie, unlike myself, HAS been looking for a plug. Any ole plug. I would like to think I'm confident and stable enough to allow a woman to get to know who I am, and let her feelings develop based on that. That can't happen in one week, after one date. And I would also like to think that I'm able to let a guy get to know me, and me him, over time - not ONE DATE. Lol. My ex helped me pick out a dress I was wearing to a wedding on a first date. Anyway, It wasn't at all planned though. We met for coffee and were having a blast chatting. At one point I said something about how I needed to look for a dress for a wedding, so I had to go. He then said he had time, and would love to go with me, so we could keep talking. About 4 months later, he had me look at some clothes that he had brought to see which ones looked good on him. (And he had asked his big sister about them before me. I would have felt weird if he had expected me to go shopping with him in the begining, but it would have been in the yellow flag category. However, with everything else, and the phone thing, I would sayrSG's guy is desperate and lonely and not worth her time. I would be hesitant labeling him a psycho though. I think our situations are like night and day. If my situation had stemmed from a spontaneous conversation with resulted in a wee bit of effort at helping him pick out something to wear, sure. But asking me to take time out of my already busy day to go shopping for him without him? After one date? That's just crazy talk.
Storyrider Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Lol. My ex helped me pick out a dress I was wearing to a wedding on a first date. (I was going to the wedding with another guy, who was my ex at the time. Had dated him like 4 years earlier) Anyway, It wasn't at all planned though. We met for coffee and were having a blast chatting. At one point I said something about how I needed to look for a dress for a wedding, so I had to go. He then said he had time, and would love to go with me, so we could keep talking. (The store and cafe were in the same mall.) Him being him naturally he gave opinions on the dresses. It didn't seem weird at the time, but it all happened very spontaneously . (and I didn't try them on with him, but made my final choices at home.) About 4 months later, he had me look at some clothes that he had brought to see which ones looked good on him. (And he had asked his big sister about them before me. I would have felt weird if he had expected me to go shopping with him in the begining, but it would have been in the yellow flag category. However, with everything else, and the phone thing, I would sayrSG's guy is desperate and lonely and not worth her time. I would be hesitant labeling him a psycho though. Well, if there were a real connection and it felt natural for both of them then Star might naturally want to get his shirt and it wouldn't seem odd, but clearly that is not the case. And those cases are very, very unusual. When you do find someone like that, don't let go of them without a fight. It is a once in a lifetime thing for many.
Lishy Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Star, how do you feel about it? You have asked for opinions but obviously we do not know this guy so deep down what do YOU really think?
Author Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 Star, how do you feel about it? You have asked for opinions but obviously we do not know this guy so deep down what do YOU really think? I've already answered that.
Lishy Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 I've already answered that. You are such hard work Star I do wonder why you even bother asking for advice!
Author Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 You are such hard work Star I do wonder why you even bother asking for advice! I was looking for agreement that this guy was "not right" and certainly "not right FOR ME," and I received it on the very first page. You turned this into a tangential argument about abusers....as usual. YOU make it hard to ASK for advice. I also wonder why YOU even bother responding to my threads because it's obvious that I have never once agreed with your opinion on my life.
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