Karyyk Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I'm keeping hope but damn it hurts sometimes. In a way, it hurts a whole lot less than being eaten alive by hopelessness. I can kind of relate to how you feel. I don't have very many things from those in my past, and while that helps in some ways, well, on others it depresses me. There aren't any notes, many cards, few pictures of us together. It makes it feel like the time you spent was so meaningless and empty. In some cases, that's the truth, in others, it's kind of unfair to sum it up that way, but any way that you look at it, there's something better to come. If none of us believed that, we wouldn't be bothering coming to a board like this. You've helped me while I've been on here, and I appreciate that more than you know. Life is complicated, hard and at times, very painful. I hope it gets better. I know that sometimes it seems like it can't get any worse, like you're at the end of it. Today was a day like that for me. I cried at my desk at work for the first time in a while. I just couldn't take it any more. On days like that, you just have to get through it, and you have. I wish I knew what was coming tomorrow, all I can hope is that it's something better. It has to be.
ianandris Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 (((hugs))) Wish I could give you a real one. This, too, shall pass.
The Y Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I am in the process of packing and moving. While packing my things I realized that almost nothing I own reminds me of anyone I've ever been with. I have dated and had serious relationships but nothing about me or my things reflects that. I don't have the wine glasses we picked out or the photo album from our trip to "somewhere". I am referring to my ex's in a collective as if they are Borg. Heh. Forgot to mention - LOVE your use of the word in bold. heh
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 Ya, you don't want to be packing up when you're upset. Were you sad before you started packing, or did you become sad as you were packing?I was innocently packing when it hit me that all of my things are mine and not shared, or not gained by any shared experience. My paints, my books, my dishes, my decor, everything is mine; chosen by me for my solitary life. Since I was a child it has been this way and I worry that it will always be this way. I know I am strange but I like myself. It is just difficult sometimes to feel like I belong anywhere. It just hit me that I was moving my things again, alone, to enjoy them somewhere new...alone.
sb129 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Amendment. I have one small box of mementos that includes 1 bracelet from an event, a feather, a homemade valentine (very bad), a poem, a perfume bottle with a pewter lizard on it, a bottle cap that has a saying on the inside, 3 guitar picks, a small "hear no evil" monkey, a railroad track penny, 20 sided dice and a pig sticker. This is the cumulative result of love in my life in over 33 years. It's not much. I'm feeling very sad. Tell me something that gives me hope, please. This is more than I have. Granted, I have accumulated a few things with my current BF, but before that I had a necklace and a whole lot of photos I couldn't look at without getting mad or sad. I have had large clearouts after breakups, and I think its therapeutic. Alot of things accumulated "together" either become the subject of fights about who gets to keep it after the split, or they are things you don't really want around reminding you of people. Stuff isn't important to remind you that you have been loved and are loveable. Memories and the way the people in your life now treat you are better.
sb129 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 PS. Moving SUCKS. I hate it so much, no wonder you got down!
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 In a way, it hurts a whole lot less than being eaten alive by hopelessness. I don't allow myself that luxury as I have survived quite a few horrible things. I have to survive and I know that I don't need anything but myself to be happy. I can kind of relate to how you feel. I don't have very many things from those in my past, and while that helps in some ways, well, on others it depresses me. There aren't any notes, many cards, few pictures of us together. It makes it feel like the time you spent was so meaningless and empty. In some cases, that's the truth, in others, it's kind of unfair to sum it up that way, but any way that you look at it, there's something better to come. If none of us believed that, we wouldn't be bothering coming to a board like this.My feelings are more about how obvious it is that I have never fully shared because of the things I own and how they were acquired or chosen than pictures, letters, mementos and the like. I have some of that sort of thing but it all seems so separated from who I am. It is also very obvious that I don't really have anyone as I have been packing and planning mostly alone for weeks. You've helped me while I've been on here, and I appreciate that more than you know. Life is complicated, hard and at times, very painful. I hope it gets better. I know that sometimes it seems like it can't get any worse, like you're at the end of it. Today was a day like that for me. I cried at my desk at work for the first time in a while. I just couldn't take it any more. On days like that, you just have to get through it, and you have. I wish I knew what was coming tomorrow, all I can hope is that it's something better. It has to be. I try to pay attention to everyones story and give honest opinions. Still, I know I can never really know what it is like to be you or anyone else. I place a high value on empathy because I know how much I need it sometimes. Thank you. I hope you are feeling better soon as well. Crying at the desk is the worst, knowing you have to do your work but not being able to get out of your own head to do it. Awful. I've been so together lately... I just don't know happened. I literally cried on and off for hours.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 This is more than I have. Granted, I have accumulated a few things with my current BF, but before that I had a necklace and a whole lot of photos I couldn't look at without getting mad or sad. I have had large clearouts after breakups, and I think its therapeutic. Alot of things accumulated "together" either become the subject of fights about who gets to keep it after the split, or they are things you don't really want around reminding you of people. Stuff isn't important to remind you that you have been loved and are loveable. Memories and the way the people in your life now treat you are better.Hi sb. Can I come to Londontown too? I guess there is a good side to it all. My things are mine and I don't have to worry about feeling nostalgic or sad with them around. Its a double edged sword I think. You are right. I shouldn't be thinking about it this way. I'm being self indulgently "woe is me". I do have good memories. It will be ok... this will pass. Hope. Hope. Hope. Got it. PS. Moving SUCKS. I hate it so much, no wonder you got down! Yeah. This is neverending! I'm soo tired.
sb129 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Hi sb. Can I come to Londontown too? I guess there is a good side to it all. My things are mine and I don't have to worry about feeling nostalgic or sad with them around. Its a double edged sword I think. . It is raining here today. You can come to London- we are moving out so we need someone to take our room. Your stuff is already packed up right? Whats a continent or two? Funny- I NYC. I would love to live there for a while. We could have done a flat swap. That would have been cool.
northstar1 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Hi sb. Can I come to Londontown too? I guess there is a good side to it all. My things are mine and I don't have to worry about feeling nostalgic or sad with them around. Its a double edged sword I think. You are right. I shouldn't be thinking about it this way. I'm being self indulgently "woe is me". I do have good memories. It will be ok... this will pass. Hope. Hope. Hope. Got it. Yeah. This is neverending! I'm soo tired. I would love some hope that this will pass, please.
sumdude Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I guess there is a good side to it all. My things are mine and I don't have to worry about feeling nostalgic or sad with them around. Its a double edged sword I think. You are right. I shouldn't be thinking about it this way. I'm being self indulgently "woe is me". I do have good memories. It will be ok... this will pass. Hope. Hope. Hope. Got it. Yeah LC, that's how you have to look at it. You're moving, it's a pain... and you're doing it alone.. that's hard. Look at the change as a good thing... FWIW I live in a house me and the ex wife rented together... I look at the colors on the walls we picked out and painted together (except the bedroom... I painted over her color). I sit on the furniture and walk on the carpets we bought together. All these things we did building our life together...I can't afford to replace all that stuff so I live with it... it doesn't bother me anymore but for a long while the constant reminders were tough. So any way it goes... heartbreak hurts... loneliness can get to you. It's not the things outside of our minds, bodies, hearts and souls that make the difference..
ate_the_paint Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 FWIW I live in a house me and the ex wife rented together... I look at the colors on the walls we picked out and painted together (except the bedroom... I painted over her color). I sit on the furniture and walk on the carpets we bought together. All these things we did building our life together...I can't afford to replace all that stuff so I live with it... it doesn't bother me anymore but for a long while the constant reminders were tough... Ya, me too. Took all the pictures and wall paintings down so now I live in a place with bare walls. Still, sometimes when I'm watching TV it hits me hard "We used to both lay on this sofa and watch TV" etc. Oh well. Life goes on.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 It is raining here today. You can come to London- we are moving out so we need someone to take our room. Your stuff is already packed up right? Whats a continent or two? Funny- I NYC. I would love to live there for a while. We could have done a flat swap. That would have been cool.Maybe I can convince my new friend to help me find a way to come there for an extended time and I can learn to be English. teehee I would honestly love to go. Hopefully I can soon!
FauxVowel Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Lonely night. Ok, what happened to the party thread? Sorry, no fun allowed in the coping section.
motive2002 Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I have sentimental "collateral damage " type of belongings around the place from one ex in particular.. what I mean by that, is stuff we had together that is just now stuff. A dresser. A photo frame. An alarm clock... junk like that. We lived together for a couple years, so it's hard not to accumulate those types of things. I'm with you Charlotte. I like romance as much as anyone else, but the day to day stuff... like you said, washing dishes and feeding the cat.. is part of what bonds 2 people together in a way that runs deeper than infatuation. I've had that before in my life. Would like to have it again.
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