LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I am in the process of packing and moving. While packing my things I realized that almost nothing I own reminds me of anyone I've ever been with. I have dated and had serious relationships but nothing about me or my things reflects that. I don't have the wine glasses we picked out or the photo album from our trip to "somewhere". I am referring to my ex's in a collective as if they are Borg. Heh. I have stories that include them but I am seeing that I really have been alone for all these years. My things are about me and as much as I like that it reminds me that I've never truly shared my life with anyone and I've always wanted to. It reminds me that although I have developed a unique personality I have had very little loving support or input in my life. I have no siblings and very little family. I'm packing my things and moving by myself, again. Thinking back I can only think of one ex who actively participated in the little life things like washing dishes or feeding the cat with me and seemed to enjoy it. I don't want anything elaborate, romantic, expensive or difficult. I want something simple so why is it so hard to find? It has been a lonely day. I'm crying and I need a hug.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 Amendment. I have one small box of mementos that includes 1 bracelet from an event, a feather, a homemade valentine (very bad), a poem, a perfume bottle with a pewter lizard on it, a bottle cap that has a saying on the inside, 3 guitar picks, a small "hear no evil" monkey, a railroad track penny, 20 sided dice and a pig sticker. This is the cumulative result of love in my life in over 33 years. It's not much. I'm feeling very sad. Tell me something that gives me hope, please.
The Y Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 The Y is here, Charlotte! Cheer up! You've made an impact on my life, and I don't even know you! Now knock that depressed **** off!
Nevermind Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 You wrote in the "I am going to burn it all" thread.. First, pick one thing and put it away then have a burn fest. I didn't keep a single solitary scrap. Nothing, nada, ziltch all deleted, destroyed or tossed in the trash from meaningful paintings right down to the raggy t-shirt and toohbrush he left behind. All gone. If I find anything I missed I'll get rid of that too. I didn't go so far as to burn things I simply put them in the garbage. I didn't feel the need to get crazy about it. The only things that I didn't destroy were a couple books that were gifts. I like books and they are good for trading. I wont even remember which ones they were... wait I don't remember right now. HA! Nice. Are you maybe doing this after the end of each relationship?
Nemo Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I'm crying and I need a hug. Poor you. I'm not going to offer you any of that lame cyberhug ((crap)), but... :lmao: ^^ That's me crying with you. Tell me something that gives me hope, please. You know more about what you want from a relationship than ever before. I predict that, before you know it, you will be squirting all over the place in a way that reflects an exciting new level of maturity.
The Y Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I predict that, before you know it, you will be squirting all over the place in a way that reflects an exciting new level of maturity. WTF??? LOL
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 You wrote in the "I am going to burn it all" thread.. Are you maybe doing this after the end of each relationship?I keep one personal thing in the box if I think the relationship was significant. No, I don't generally purge in that way. Just the last ex because I didn't want those things around and the relationship never got past the gate. He got a pig sticker in the box if I remember what it meant in a year I'll keep it.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 The Y is here, Charlotte! Cheer up! You've made an impact on my life, and I don't even know you! Now knock that depressed **** off! Thank you Y. Ugh. I'm trying... maybe I'm just tired. I need help packing I am exhausted!
The Y Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Thank you Y. Ugh. I'm trying... maybe I'm just tired. I need help packing I am exhausted! I would if I could.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 Poor you. I'm not going to offer you any of that lame cyberhug ((crap)), but... :lmao: ^^ That's me crying with you. You know more about what you want from a relationship than ever before. I predict that, before you know it, you will be squirting all over the place in a way that reflects an exciting new level of maturity. You must still like me Nemo because you always hit me with the wit. As for the squirting... sorry to inform you that is not my style. My sexual maturity isn't in question however if you think there is room for improvement please elaborate. I need a chuckle.
Nevermind Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 So, one thing? But that's shedding a new light on the box...if you have one item in there for every meaningful relationship, then you had many of them. Maybe you're changing your focus on life.. Where you wanted adventure and excitement in the past, you're now looking for something more cozy and intimate. That doesn't make your past relationships less meaningful, or says something bad about you. It's just another criteria for future partners, that come up now.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 I would if I could.The worst part is that I don't know where the tissues are in this mess. I hide them from myself when I want to stop crying and now I have no idea where I've put them!
The Y Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 The worst part is that I don't know where the tissues are in this mess. I hide them from myself when I want to stop crying and now I have no idea where I've put them! Use toilet paper. I know it's not the same. I'm goin' ta bed. Hope you feel better. You're gonna be fine.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 So, one thing? But that's shedding a new light on the box...if you have one item in there for every meaningful relationship, then you had many of them. Maybe you're changing your focus on life.. Where you wanted adventure and excitement in the past, you're now looking for something more cozy and intimate. That doesn't make your past relationships less meaningful, or says something bad about you. It's just another criteria for future partners, that come up now.Thank you, you are right I do want more than I have in the past. To clarify most of the meaningful relationships were/are friendships - people who did something very special for me and changed my life in some way. There are 3 romantic love mementos in the box and 2 are from one person, my first love. One thing he asked me to keep for him the other is what I thought was the most memorable "moment".
Nevermind Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Don't beat yourself up for the past you had, it was filled with love, your first love, your friends etc. Now, you simply want something different. And you will get it.
ate_the_paint Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Wish you weren't having a lonely day. That box made you melancholy. I still don't understand why you hide the kleenex on yourself...or how you can hide anything on yourself and not find it... What's your new place like?
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 Wish you weren't having a lonely day. That box made you melancholy. I still don't understand why you hide the kleenex on yourself...or how you can hide anything on yourself and not find it... What's your new place like?Actually, I picked up the box after I started crying to try to feel better about not having things but it made things worse. LoL. I hide the tissues really well and then distract myself immediately. Sometimes I put them in plain sight but too far away to move to get to when I am sad. It forces me to avoid too many self defeating thoughts while I am feeling down and it forces me to get up and move instead of crying into my pillow. I am putting my things in storage and staying with a friend until I find a new place. Her house is very nice and her company will be quite welcome. I've been by the shore for most of my life and I'd like to stay here but I want a yard. Most of all I want to leave my apartment because it has a sad feeling for the past few months. I need a change.
kizik Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 You are one of the people on this site I feel the closest kinship with, LC. Cyberfriends are no substitute for real-life, in person friends, I know... but I want you to know that I am a real person who is discerning and quite aware of the dumb people in this world. I shrug them off like so much dirt on my shoulder. You stood out to me, not because of the quality of your writing or the wit and truth in your advice, but because of the total humanity I see in you. "See," I know, what a joke for an Internet site. I wish we could all just get together... You are different from most women, heck, from most PEOPLE in general. You want some cheering up, you're going to get it. I wish I had somebody like you in my life, because you are a total sweetheart. I don't have much family either. My dad abandoned us after the divorce and I haven't seen him in maybe 7 years, talked to him in 3. My brother is a narcissistic alcoholic as*hole with mental disorders. My mom is an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, Christian weirdo who I feel estranged from. My friends are few and far between, though I deserve good friends. I felt completely alone in this world, EXCEPT for having my girlfriend, who was the saving grace of my life. Now she's gone. It's like I'm Tom Hanks in Cast Away. When you quoted those Elliott Smith songs the other night, my jaw dropped. I loved his music before the breakup, and after, can barely listen to it for its heartbreaking quality. But just the mere fact that you posted it made me like you that much more... If I can care for you this much, someone who has "known" you for less than two months and only via computer, then rest assured that a real-life guy like me will enter your life and love the living hell out of you very soon. Life is very lonely, but when you're great, you get what's coming to you, and it's good.
ate_the_paint Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 When you quoted those Elliott Smith songs the other night, my jaw dropped. I loved his music before the breakup, and after, can barely listen to it for its heartbreaking quality. Good point. I was never into Elliott Smith until you posted those songs so I checked it out...suddenly they were very good! Made me sad, but they were still good.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 You are one of the people on this site I feel the closest kinship with, LC. Ditto kiz. You are different from most women, heck, from most PEOPLE in general. You want some cheering up, you're going to get it. I wish I had somebody like you in my life, because you are a total sweetheart.*sniff* wow. Thank you. That really does make me feel special. I don't have much family either. My dad abandoned us after the divorce and I haven't seen him in maybe 7 years, talked to him in 3. My brother is a narcissistic alcoholic as*hole with mental disorders. My mom is an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, Christian weirdo who I feel estranged from. Damn. I'm sorry. It is hard not having a support system in your life. I know. My biological father died from alcoholism but I didn't know him well and didn't like him. My mother is an angel and I am grateful for her everyday. My step-father was literally crazy for quite a few years but he's so cool (and healthy now) I don't mind. They are more than I can ask for, really. My friends are few and far between, though I deserve good friends. I felt completely alone in this world, EXCEPT for having my girlfriend, who was the saving grace of my life. Now she's gone. It's like I'm Tom Hanks in Cast Away.Ditto again. It was nice to have someone know me and be interested in who I am. He could be a real jerk at times but only because he didn't understand some things right off, I am different - really and it's not easy to get me for most people. He tried and I'll never forget that. Overall he was better to me than most people have been and I notice the emptiness form time to time. I really hope it happens again someday. When you quoted those Elliott Smith songs the other night, my jaw dropped. I loved his music before the breakup, and after, can barely listen to it for its heartbreaking quality. But just the mere fact that you posted it made me like you that much more... I had a friend tell me that she knew Amity personally recently. Funny, E.S. traveled in my circles sometimes and I never got to meet him or see him. 2:45 makes me feel understood and less lonely. I know he can be very sad but there isn't really much else out there in music that represents my side of the fence so to speak. I simply need Elliott sometimes. If I can care for you this much, someone who has "known" you for less than two months and only via computer, then rest assured that a real-life guy like me will enter your life and love the living hell out of you very soon. Life is very lonely, but when you're great, you get what's coming to you, and it's good.Promise? I'm keeping hope but damn it hurts sometimes.
ate_the_paint Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Looks like you're bored or you can't sleep. We're both just trolling around seeing if anything new has been posted. I'll race ya!
Nevermind Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Charlotte: You will be happy again. What about UK guy?
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 Charlotte: You will be happy again. What about UK guy? I'm trying to be realistic about that. 3500 miles is no small barrier and we've only known each other three weeks. I've never done anything like this before. I keep talking to him, you never know, right? At the very least he's fun and sweet to me. I've been to busy moving to talk to him the past few days. I actually miss it. I'm not sure if that is good or bad.
Author LikeCharlotte Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 Looks like you're bored or you can't sleep. We're both just trolling around seeing if anything new has been posted. I'll race ya! I'm taking a break from moving. I should try to sleep but I've been crying so I'll have to wait until I'm calm again.
ate_the_paint Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I'm taking a break from moving. I should try to sleep but I've been crying so I'll have to wait until I'm calm again. Ya, you don't want to be packing up when you're upset. Were you sad before you started packing, or did you become sad as you were packing?
Recommended Posts