spookie Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Shadow, the problem with pre-partying by yourself is that you never realize just how wasted you are until you show up where you're supposed to go and everyone's like wtf. YOU might feel comfortable, but that doens't mean you're doing any better socially than if you had showed up sober and then bought a round of drinks so everyone could get tipsy. Remember, it's more important to get HIM drunk than to get drunk yourself. If I were you, I'd go somewhere where you could drink with the option of not having to talk too much, and where you could also flirt. Even though I'm an awful bowler, I like bowling alleys for these reasons. If you get sick of bowling you can just order a pitcher and sit at one of the tables and eat pizza. Sometimes I take my dates there just to drink. I'm so classy.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Oh, I need some drinking advice. I want to drink enough to feel confident, at ease and buzzed but not enough to be completely drunk so I end up looking like a fool. How many shots of vodka do you think it would take to achieve this effect? I rarely drink and weigh about 115 pounds if that helps. According to my SmartServe certification and your gender/weight, 2 drinks (1.5 oz each) in the first hour is enough to get a buzz on. At 3, your BAC will be too high to drive.
Prodigal Princess Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Oh, I need some drinking advice. I want to drink enough to feel confident, at ease and buzzed but not enough to be completely drunk so I end up looking like a fool. How many shots of vodka do you think it would take to achieve this effect? I rarely drink and weigh about 115 pounds if that helps. I assume you're talking about pre-drinks to ease yourself into the situation. If you have a decent lunch before meeting him, I'd say 2 shots will do the trick, then steady she goes with the drinks when you meet him. If you're too nervous to eat properly, 1 shot before the catch up will be more than enough. I'm excited for you!
Author shadowplay Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 damnit...I think I screwed things up. On Friday I replied to his message with "Great my number is -----." He called me on Saturday around 3. I didn't answer because I was nervous. He left a voicemail that was like "Hey Shadow, this is J. I was wondering what you were up to. Give me a call back." He sounded a bit nervous/awkward. Unfortunately my phone decided to run out of batteries at that moment and I had left my charger at a friend's house. It wasn't until 4 hours later after an appointment that I was able to pick the charger. So I called him up at 7. He sounded friendly. I asked him if we could hang out on Monday night at 8. I should have said Sunday but I was just delaying out of nervousness. He said that should be fine. I told him I would give him a call on Monday so we could arrange things. I called him an hour ago and he didn't answer. It's ten past 3 now. I left a voicemail. Now I'm freaking out that he's blowing me off because he was put off by the fact that it took me awhile to return his call on Saturday and I didn't want to see him until Monday even though I had originally said "this weekend is good for me." Or is he just at work and busy? I feel like totally screwed things up.
Author shadowplay Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 My friend said there's a big event at J's work today so maybe that's it...? Seriously, if I never hear back from him I will be so bummed. To get that close to seeing him and then have him blow me off would piss the hell out of me. I know I'm being incredibly whiney, but this kind of thing always happens to me. A guy shows interest and then randomly blows me off before we even get a chance to see each other.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 It's still five hours until you're supposed to meet!!! Chill.
45Reverse Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 damnit...I think I screwed things up. On Friday I replied to his message with "Great my number is -----." He called me on Saturday around 3. I didn't answer because I was nervous. He left a voicemail that was like "Hey Shadow, this is J. I was wondering what you were up to. Give me a call back." He sounded a bit nervous/awkward. Unfortunately my phone decided to run out of batteries at that moment and I had left my charger at a friend's house. It wasn't until 4 hours later after an appointment that I was able to pick the charger. So I called him up at 7. He sounded friendly. I asked him if we could hang out on Monday night at 8. I should have said Sunday but I was just delaying out of nervousness. He said that should be fine. I told him I would give him a call on Monday so we could arrange things. I called him an hour ago and he didn't answer. It's ten past 3 now. I left a voicemail. Now I'm freaking out that he's blowing me off because he was put off by the fact that it took me awhile to return his call on Saturday and I didn't want to see him until Monday even though I had originally said "this weekend is good for me." Or is he just at work and busy? I feel like totally screwed things up. You worry too much...relax and b-r-e-a-t-h. You're going to get yourself all stressed out for no good reason. You know, at 115lbs you probably should not do 2 shots before meeting him. Unless you're a frequent drinker, you'll be half-tanked with that much booze. Better to just toss down a single shot or glass of wine. It's enough to take the edge off and loosen you up a little without trashing the motor skills. For a date like this you want to be sharp...right?
Author shadowplay Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 ^thanks for the advice. I had a fair amount to eat today, so I'll take a bit more than a shot...1 1/2 at most. Sorry for being such a spaz guys..
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 STOP OVERTHINKING THINGS You don't want to see this guy being a basket full of nerves, do you? Quit it!
Author shadowplay Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 He called and we went...it was a disaster. I did something really, really stupid and now I feel like dying. I am so depressed and embarrassed. I can't even write it on here because you guys would just cringe and shake your heads. I really just want to crumple up in a ball and die.
Stockalone Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 He called and we went...it was a disaster. I did something really, really stupid and now I feel like dying. I am so depressed and embarrassed. I can't even write it on here because you guys would just cringe and shake your heads. I really just want to crumple up in a ball and die. You had the guts and went on the date, that is more than some of us can say in certain situations. Think about it, it can't have been that bad. Even if you did something that makes you feel embarrassed, I am sure you didn't do it on purpose. Granted, I am not in a position to tell anyone that this is easy and I am currently struggling myself with my feelings. And I can understand the feeling of wanting to hide from the world and die but we both now that what's done is done and there is no way to change that even if we wanted to. You will just have to work through it. Go out and do stuff that makes you smile/laugh. And if you still feel bad about it, you can always apologize. There is always a chance that others won't judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves and maybe it wasn't such a big deal to them.
Author shadowplay Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 Okay, I'll tell you guys what happened before I made a fool of myself. We arranged to meet at 8 at this bar. I got there early and sat down. He found me and sat next to me. Things seemed fine. He seemed nervous but I felt more confident than usual because of the shot of vodka I had had before. I didn't talk too much or too little (I think). He was very different from how I remembered. He's a lot dorkier now. His clothing style, demeanor and even voice have changed. I really don't understand what happened but he's become very nerdy where he wasn't at all before. He actually used to come off as more confident. Isn't that weird? He did a lot of nervous chattering. He was using all these pompous, academic words. He was a lot more nervous than me strangely enough. A few things I noticed that made me feel bad. He asked me NO questions about myself, none. He also wasn't making very good eye contact, looking around the room at times. Made me feel like he didn't want to be there. We talked for about an hour and during a lull in the conversation I asked him if he wanted to walk around the square outside. We walked for about five minutes. I think I asked him what time it was at some point. Then we came to a stop in the middle of the square near the train station, and we both looked at each other like "what now?" "So you're getting on the train?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. Then he said "Okay, well, I'll see you around," turned around and walked in the other direction. WTF. I was drunk and panicked a bit after he left so abruptly. Okay, here's the really bad part. Don't laugh, guys. I've never drunk dialed somebody, but this was close. I sent him a message that said I enjoyed seeing him, I used to like him in college and he was still cute and smart, and was wondering if he wanted to have sex no strings attached. I'm cringing just thinking about it. Can't believe I sent that message. Shortly after I got a response from him but couldn't bring myself to read it. Finally read it this morning. Here's what it said: "That sounds lovely. Are you free tomorrow night." Okay, I mean I guess this is what I wanted -- to casually hook up with him. But I didn't want it to happen like this. I feel like a giant slut. I would have preferred to get to know him better a first before. Here's the response I sent this morning: Haha, wow. I was pretty drunk last night despite my protestations otherwise. I guess drunk facebook messaging is slightly more respectable than drunk dialing (though not much). Anyway, yeah...so I would have never been that forward sober. But still, my sentiment remains the same. I would like to see you tonight, but I'd like to do something fun too. Maybe go to a movie? I don't know how to feel about this whole thing...it's just weird and not at all what I had envisioned.
2sunny Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 don't do it! there is no good that will come of any of it. you are most likely to be so disappointed in him and yourself. let it all go.
Author shadowplay Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 don't do it! there is no good that will come of any of it. you are most likely to be so disappointed in him and yourself. let it all go. Why? i mean, I'm very attracted to him and would get a lot of pleasure out of the sex. It sort of feels like unfinished business, so to speak. I was mostly hoping to just hook up with him this Summer since I'm all relationshipped out and he's leaving for school in a month and a half. Even him toppling from his pedestal might be a good thing because it would make me less likely to idealize guys in the future. That said I wanted it to happen more naturally, and I was also hoping to get to know him a bit better first. I feel embarrassed about how forward I was. I wonder if I could have pulled it off without doing that. His response to my query about seeing a movie was "Sounds great! I'll call you after work." I'm considering just emailing him that I'd rather meet up on Thursday night so I have more time to think it over.
Author shadowplay Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 This is exactly what I wanted. So why do I feel so ambivalent now?
JP77 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I've followed this thread and he blatantly isn't interested in you.
Author shadowplay Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 I've followed this thread and he blatantly isn't interested in you. what do you mean? i mean he's physically interested. and thanks for making me feel bad...as if I don't already.
Star Gazer Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Ignore that poster, Shadow. I wouldn't see the guy. I think you'll only feel worse afterward.
JP77 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 what do you mean? i mean he's physically interested. and thanks for making me feel bad...as if I don't already. He's not interested in you, physically or otherwise. He will have sex with you, because you have offered yourself on a plate. Even if you are semi-hot, he's hardly going to say no. You stuffed up big time, because you aren't ready to re-enter a relationship.
Author shadowplay Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 He's not interested in you, physically or otherwise. He will have sex with you, because you have offered yourself on a plate. Even if you are semi-hot, he's hardly going to say no. You stuffed up big time, because you aren't ready to re-enter a relationship. How do you know he's not physically interested? What do you mean about the semi-hot comment? You don't even know what I look like.
JP77 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 How do you know he's not physically interested? It's obvious. His action contradict what you say, that's how I know. Millions of men sleep with women when they offer it on the plate, even if we aren't interested in you, physically or otherwise. As long as the sex is good, we don't care.
Author shadowplay Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 It's obvious. His action contradict what you say, that's how I know. Millions of men sleep with women when they offer it on the plate, even if we aren't interested in you, physically or otherwise. As long as the sex is good, we don't care. What in his actions contradict what I say and don't suggest he's physically interested? You can't get in his head.
JP77 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 What in his actions contradict what I say and don't suggest he's physically interested? You can't get in his head. He's not interested, that's why he was fine with turning a potential series of dates into a series of sexual meet ups. He could be going through a baron spell and you are just a release for him. You've offered it to him on a plate and not many men will turn it down, that's all I'm saying.
A.G.Doren Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Why are you thinking about sleeping with him? You said you feel like a slut and you wanted things to happen more naturally. You may want to sex him, but you don't want it like this and now you are seeming desperate. "I can't have a relationship with you so I'll take whatever I can get." You're not even really attracted to him anymore.
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