shadowplay Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 The guy I crushed on and was OBSESSED with for years who just moved to my city for the summer just emailed me and asked if I wanted to get together for drinks/coffee/what have you. I was in the midst of writing him a long, probably very embarrassing email, revealing my feelings when I got this message. I never would have thought in a million years he would take the initiative. I thought he was barely aware of my existence. I know it probably sounds trivial to you guys, but you have to understand the context. We barely knew each other in college, even though we worked at the same place. He was my superior and I was super shy around him. I always had the sneaking suspicion that he fancied me, because I would catch him looking at me. Still, I'm shocked that he would take the initiative. I never in a million years... If I ever kissed him I would die happy. What do I do??!! Seriously, I will be so nervous I'll barely be able to spit any words out.
Kamille Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 The guy I crushed on and was OBSESSED with for years who just moved to my city for the summer just emailed me and asked if I wanted to get together for drinks/coffee/what have you. I was in the midst of writing him a long, probably very embarrassing email, revealing my feelings when I got this message. I never would have thought in a million years he would take the initiative. I thought he was barely aware of my existence. I know it probably sounds trivial to you guys, but you have to understand the context. We barely knew each other in college, even though we worked at the same place. He was my superior and I was super shy around him. I always had the sneaking suspicion that he fancied me, because I would catch him looking at me. Still, I'm shocked that he would take the initiative. I never in a million years... If I ever kissed him I would die happy. What do I do??!! Seriously, I will be so nervous I'll barely be able to spit any words out. i saw post and pre-edit and was about to respond to something in the previous version of the thread. May I?
carhill Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Um, make sure you're properly single and unattached before ........
Author shadowplay Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 i saw post and pre-edit and was about to respond to something in the previous version of the thread. May I? yeah sure you can.
Kamille Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 SP, what's your bf's problem? You broke up with him twice yesterday and took him back because he looked despondant??? Has he no self-esteem left? Or is he manipulating you? LEAVE HIM. In fact, I am going to start calling him your ex. About the crush; it sounds to me like you are looking for an out from your relationship. Consider that using crush as your out might ruin your chances at what could have the potential to be something beautiful. Do your best to be respectful of everybody. Take the time you need to think about it. There's no rush right?
Author shadowplay Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 SP, what's your bf's problem? You broke up with him twice yesterday and took him back because he looked despondant??? Has he no self-esteem left? Or is he manipulating you? LEAVE HIM. In fact, I am going to start calling him your ex. About the crush; it sounds to me like you are looking for an out from your relationship. Consider that using crush as your out might ruin your chances at what could have the potential to be something beautiful. Do your best to be respectful of everybody. Take the time you need to think about it. There's no rush right? I probably am looking for an out. Problem is there sort of is a rush because he's only here for the summer. I'm not sure what to do. :/ I never thought I'd lay eyes on this guy again. It's so weird.
Ocean-Blue Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Shadow, I'm not sure what's going on with your and the bf (or "ex" as Kamille calls him). I hope you sever that cord soon. As for the crush... Whatever you do, don't put him on a pedestal. Go see him if you're "unattached" and let it flow. Don't idolize him and get all "omg, he's so great."
Author shadowplay Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 Shadow, I'm not sure what's going on with your and the bf (or "ex" as Kamille calls him). I hope you sever that cord soon. As for the crush... Whatever you do, don't put him on a pedestal. Go see him if you're "unattached" and let it flow. Don't idolize him and get all "omg, he's so great." Hey, it's great to see you here again! I've missed your presence. I know I shouldn't idolize him...but it will be hard because I put him on a pedestal for so long.
Author shadowplay Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 I'm scared guys. How do I go without seeming like a total nervous wreck? Or worse -- boring? He's really smart and well-read. He's a PhD candidate at a great school. I may be smart but I don't keep up with current events to the degree that he does. When I'm nervous I tend to get boring as my mind blanks. Maybe if I drink a few beers beforehand that will help? He's also the total opposite of me in that he's very confident and social. Also, he will only be here for like two more months so is there any point? Could anything even come of it if he's leaving soon?
Prodigal Princess Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I may be smart but I don't keep up with current events to the degree that he does. I doubt you'll end up talking about the current situation in Iraq when you meet up. The conversation will be more personal, and you dont have to be "book smart" to talk about shared history and your personal life. When I'm nervous I tend to get boring as my mind blanks. Maybe if I drink a few beers beforehand that will help? Absolutely. Although I'm not sure about beer - it bloats you. Stick to vodka, you'll need less of it (so you wont be busting for the loo on the date), and you won't have the tell-tale beer stench. He's also the total opposite of me in that he's very confident and social. So let him take the lead! Also, he will only be here for like two more months so is there any point? Could anything even come of it if he's leaving soon? Who cares? It's just drinks/coffee/whatever. You're not marrying the guy. Its not really even a date! You are just catching up with an old friend, I would stop thinking anything beyond that. You'll have a bloody aneurism, shadow!
Nemo Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I doubt you'll end up talking about the current situation in Iraq when you meet up. Agreed. I'm pretty sure you will skip any talk about an invasion. You will probably go straight from meet to meat in perfect harmony. You'll have a bloody aneurism, shadow! Did you have to be so graphic?! I was envisioning some fluid squirting all over the place, but you ruined it for me.
spookie Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Absolutely. Although I'm not sure about beer - it bloats you. Stick to vodka, you'll need less of it (so you wont be busting for the loo on the date), and you won't have the tell-tale beer stench. I like your style. Shadow, it's just another experiment in self-destruction if you go into this knowing full-well the emotional consequences will be severe. End it with your bf first. You're not doing anyone any good if you sneak around.
spookie Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Some social skills I learned stripping: -Smile. A lot. Smiling makes people around you feel comfortable, and it relaxes you. Even if you feel stupid doing it, just smile. -Say what's on your mind, even if it's socially out-there and sounds dumb. Usually, people's thoughts are far more interesting than small-talk, plus with your thoughts out in the open you won't have to obsess about them while you think of things to say. Works like a charm to build intimacy and to give people the idea that they know you (and therefore trust and like you). -Chill out and have a sense of humor about what's going on. If it goes well, great. If it's a disaster, it's a good story.
Nevermind Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 SP, what's your bf's problem? You broke up with him twice yesterday and took him back because he looked despondant??? Has he no self-esteem left? Or is he manipulating you? LEAVE HIM. In fact, I am going to start calling him your ex. Huh? Did you break up, or not?
GPFan Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Break up with your boyfriend quick as this may be opportunity knocking only once. I doubt the new guy will be interested in you whilst you are dragging a boyfriend around. Hurry!
Keridan Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 First, tell your ex to kick rocks. But that's separate from the issue you asked about. I'm a guy, so my experience is slightly different, but I had a girl I dated like that and I got so scared I totally ruined everything. I pushed her away and regretted it for a while. (I did get lucky and meet my wife a couple years later, but that's not really relevant) The best advice I can give is to combine what I should have done with what I would want a woman to do under the same circumstances. Hope it helps. Someone said smile a lot. That's absolutely right. Act comfortable no matter had bad your hands are shaking under the table. Think about your waiter dressed in drag, picture dancing hamsters with eyepatches, or just focus on how many times you see his teeth when he talks. Think about something mundane or funny and don't get caught up in the worry of screwing anything up. If you are worried about seeming uninformed then don't pretend to know about it, ask about it. If it's something important to him, he'll be happier to enlighten you then debate it or get someone who agrees with him. If you are worried about seeming funny, just laugh at his jokes. A person is more likely to think someone is funny if you enjoy their humor. Most of all, stay calm. For all you know, it took him so long to make a move because he was more scared than you are. Let him know you are interested by having obvious fun with him. It will make both of you feel better. The best of luck to ya! You'll have a great time when you get past the initial fear.
Nemo Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 First, tell your ex to kick rocks. It might be easier for her to kick her ex's rocks. He's not that good at following instructions.
Krytie TV Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Oh no. Is this another train wreck in the making? It's only a summer you know.
Keridan Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 It might be easier for her to kick her ex's rocks. He's not that good at following instructions. Love the play on words There's always the "Your stuff is on the lawn, the cops will help you carry it and I will be out on my date." approach
Author shadowplay Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 Huh? Did you break up, or not? I think he thinks we have, but it wasn't very clear one way or the other.
Author shadowplay Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 I guess my fear is that...if he's not interested in anything more than chatting...not even kissing me...I'll be really, really disappointed. I feel like this is an amazing opportunity on the one hand, but part of me wonders if I should even go because it could be such a let down. If I get just a kiss out of him this Summer, I will be supremely happy.
Keridan Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Go. Go out with the boy. Plan your memories. You don't have anything to lose. He might not kiss you? I seriously doubt it, but even if he fails to, you are still going to make better memories going out with him then sitting around worrying about your ex. It sounds to me like you are trying to talk yourself out of it because you are afraid of being disappointed. Which memory would you hate more? No kiss or not even trying? You'll have a good time if you just get past the fear, I promise! If you go on the date and it doesn't work out well, I will post my address, supply an aluminum baseball bat, and you can take out all your frustration on me I feel confident you won't have any use for it, however.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Aren't you still dating that other guy who you broke up with seven times already or whatever?
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