M2ZND Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 With the exception of a few conversations my ex and I have been maintaining NC since the fateful day. Through introspection and retrospection I have come to the conclusion that we make FANTASTIC FRIENDS but the romantic part of our relationship is where all the trouble comes in. I have never related to anyone better and he has expressed the same to me. We have both had more fun with each other than we have ever had in our lives. We "get" each other. My question is....Is it possible for 2 ex-lovers, who once wanted to marry each other but cannot have that kind of relationship together ever be just friends? I miss his friendship tremendously. I know that we could not be friends right now but what about later on?
carhill Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 My question is....Is it possible for 2 ex-lovers, who once wanted to marry each other but cannot have that kind of relationship together ever be just friends? Sure, especially after you've both healed and moved on to other mutually satisfying relationships. I personally think maturity and how one handles relationships has a lot to do with it. As I eschew drama, I'd feel no need to create it with an ex and could easily be friends if she was like-minded. IMO, that's critical, understanding that the romantic relationship is over and all that tension/dynamic is not to be recreated. From reading your backstory, I'm not confident (due to the drama quotient), but I am hopeful.
purplepoodle Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 It is possible. My ex husband and me are best friends now. we were married for 5 years and made horrible spouses. we didn't speak for about 6 months after we divorced, but missed talking to each other. He is now with a wonderful woman who is much better for him then I was. we now hang out all the time and confide in each other. This relationship is better then our romantic relationship ever was.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Some guys yes, some guys no. I had a similar sitch, I couldnt be friends with her because i wanted more and she didnt then it was the reverse after a long time of not talking.. I think the best thing for us was just moving on I coudlnt be the third wheel anymore. I still miss her but I'm not the same guy she once knew.I'm different. I'm tougher, more assertive and more serious in knowing what I want. It wouldnt work. I miss her deeply but we cannot be friends.
Author M2ZND Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 Wow. Great points to ponder. Thank you so much! Last time I spoke with him...he wanted to continue the battle to keep our relationship and to stop our fighting. I'm sure that now that he has had time to calm down he is probably feeling the same way....that it is hopeless. I have never fought like that with anyone and after years of it...my desire to be in a romantic relationship with him diminished little by little with every fight we had. It got to the point that it didn't matter anymore what the fighting was about. The emotional rollercoaster wore me out and I know that it did him too. I didn't get to tell him that I care about him and that he deserves better than our relationship....That it isn't him...it's the dynamics of our relationship that I can longer handle nor should we. That's the hard part about no contact. It's like throwing all the good stuff between us out the door! But, to open that door historically does nothing for either one of us. The longest we've ever gone is less than a week. We always get back together by talking about the good stuff (essentially the aspects of our relationship that we could have gotten if we had just been friends) I'm a different person than the one that he met. Heck, I'm a different woman than I was 3 damn weeks ago....a little more jaded, much more mature, and feeling every bit of my age. I think that I have gotten off topic here...I guess that I am just pondering to you all. Thanks for reading and responding. As far as the probability of a future friendship for him and I...I guess it remains to be seen. Who knows what the future will bring. I guess it depends on our attitude as we heal, whether we continue to place blame or just to accept things and each other the way they/we are . I guess it depends on how we choose to deal with it. Whether we chose to love and lose or love and hate.
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