PandorasBox Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 This stems from another thread. What are some things you will NOT tolerate in a relationship? If something comes up, that you have made clear you wouldn't tolerate, what have you done about it? Have you ever found yourself still in a situation with a person that did something you said you wouldn't tolerate?
bish Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 This stems from another thread. What are some things you will NOT tolerate in a relationship? If something comes up, that you have made clear you wouldn't tolerate, what have you done about it? Have you ever found yourself still in a situation with a person that did something you said you wouldn't tolerate? cheating clubbing til the wee hours of the morning flagrant flirting
tanbark813 Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Cheating and disrespect. Cheating is an instant dealbreaker. There's a little wiggle room and chance to make up for disrespect but a pattern of it would end things quickly.
Trialbyfire Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Cheating and lying, including lying by omission.
Author PandorasBox Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 I see alot of peoples first thing is cheating. Mine is cheating and abuse of any kind. I didn't see where anyone answered the other part..... Have you ever found yourself still in a situation with a person that did something you said you wouldn't tolerate?
Trialbyfire Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 I see alot of peoples first thing is cheating. Mine is cheating and abuse of any kind. I didn't see where anyone answered the other part..... Have you ever found yourself still in a situation with a person that did something you said you wouldn't tolerate? Yes to both of my non-negs so he's now my ex-H!
quankanne Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 abuse is a deal-breaker. as far as remaining in those kinds of situations, no, I generally don't, because I just fade out of friendships/relationships when something that goes against my very core starts taking place.
Author PandorasBox Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 When my husband cheated that was it for me. I didn't tolerate it, I walked. However, I learned many a lesson before that. I had been in previous relationships prior to my H, that I had stayed in after I had point blank laid ground rules for what I wouldn't tolerate. I guess it was a learning/growing process for me then. I felt real dependent back then, so maybe thats why I stayed. When My H cheated, even though it hurt, I walked and didn't look back.
blind_otter Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Have you ever found yourself still in a situation with a person that did something you said you wouldn't tolerate? Yes. My psycho ex (from 4 years ago) was abusive in every way possible, and he cheated on me more times than I can count and I stayed with him until the consequenes became extremely severe. I think it was a reflection of how I felt about myself - my self esteem was so dismal that he convinced me, over time, that I deserved to be treated like dogsh*t on the bottom of his shoe. Thinking about my current situation with my S/O, I think that I haven't made as much progress as I would have hoped in terms of my self-esteem.
Author PandorasBox Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 "Thinking about my current situation with my S/O, I think that I haven't made as much progress as I would have hoped in terms of my self-esteem. " Oh, BO maybe your self esteem right now is more due to your hormones?
blind_otter Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Oh, BO maybe your self esteem right now is more due to your hormones? Who knows. I blame everything on pregnancy lately. I doubt I would still be with my S/O if I weren't pregnant.
Karyyk Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Cheating is obviously a big one for everyone here. Disrespect is just as big for me I think. I guess I've learned (finally) that I don't have to be put down, that I don't have to allow myself to be taken for granted. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than to be in another totally one-sided relationship.
in_absentia Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Cheating and lying, cheating to me is kissing and above, though I don't like flirting I wouldn't consider it cheating. And lying, simple things like if me and my bf are gona be hanging out alone with a friend of the opposite gender we let each other know, it's not a 'banned' thing but just out of respect to each other. And stuff that varies from relationship to relationship, I won't tolerate my bf having contact with his ex. I have massive insecurity issues about exes and it makes me miserable a lot with obsessive thoughts etc. so while I dont say 'don't talk to her' he knows how upset it would make me be and has no reason to, so he has no contact with her, which I appreciate hugely. But i only feel like that about his only other long term relationship before me, I don't care if he chats to more insignificant exes etc. Obviously if I were in a relationship with someone who'd had kids etc. or other variables I wouldn't be able to be so demanding about ex issues, but I guess you adjust when you have to.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Cheating, physical abuse, ultimatums/blackmail. (Good thread idea, btw)
NeverLetMeDownAgain Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 What are some things you will NOT tolerate in a relationship? Disrespect. I abhor people that don't respect my opinions and feelings, or for that matter, others' opinions or feelings. But especially my own. I won't stand for being treated as less than a human being, and I've been amazed by how many people do let others get away with it. I may not agree with a lot of things that people say, but that doesn't mean that I won't let them speak or express - and I expect the same in return. Abuse of any kind - physical, mental, emotional. Cheating? Eh. I'll allow one chance and one only - people do stupid things. A second time, and it's not a stupid thing, it's deliberate and calculated. And I won't stand for that either. Guess my answers weren't too original, eh.
melodymatters Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I agree with ALL of the above and add a few of my own. Puts other peoples feelings ahead of my own : brothers, friends, ex wives. if I'm not your #1 ( after yourself of course, and any children) no problem, but i require a bit more loyalty and will be moving on. No sex, or sex so infrequent i find myself getting myself off alone, more than with my guy. In any way rude to my friends, kid or dogs.
motive2002 Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 um let's see, i'll be original and say "cheating" Is this Match Game? LYING ... omg my ex lied like a rug. Please don't be deceitful. Ok now that the two most popular answers are out of the way... How about comparison? Don't compare me to an ex. Don't compare me to other men. Don't compare yourself to other women. I live you for who YOU are and I hope that would be reciprocated. You can try, but it's not likely you'll change me... not unless I want to change myself. Oh and don't pick your nose in front of me. Just don't. That's gross. Have I run into any of these dealbreakers? Oh yeah.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Abuse, rabid jealousy, snooping and stalking, alienation from friends/family, trying to change me, passive aggressive threats/manipulation, etc.
bootylicious Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Cheating, lying, jealousy, any kind of abuse...I think LucreziaBorgia has pretty much nailed it. I was in a situation where I found my ex was lying to me but I refused to see the red flags. The extent of his lies came to light after he split up with me and I was left devastated. No way in hell will I let my current SO get away with lying to me.
Fawn Girl Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Aside from the obvious cheating and disrespect options: - Putting others ahead of me more often than not (other family members/friends) - Jealousy - Does not like animals - Poor hygiene - Fundamentalist religious beliefs of any sort - Drug and/or alcohol abuse - Financial recklessness - Rude - Desire to have biological children with me (their own previous children are OK) It's an extensive list but I can't see accepting someone with any of the above qualities.
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