stampdaddy Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 I think I am finally in the "process" of letting it all go. Man, when you are standing there at the "door" it is so very hard to reach your hand out and open it. To leave what you "thought" was everything to you behind. Worry about the "what if's".. What I am finding is that I have at least opened the door. I even tried to look behind me last night (I am being as honest as I can with you all) and hold her one last time (My Pillow.. I am sure some of you remember my poem), but I couldnt even do that anymore.. I also notice that I don't even care to write her a letter of "explaination", letting her know why I have chosen to do what I am doing, because I just don't f**king care about what she thinks. I have been careful to pay attention to my feelings, REALLY pay attention to what is going through me on a day to day basis. I have 4 more days before she is back and I am gonna work overtime to continue to walk through the door and slam it shut.. Thank you all for your kind words and support (and some not so kind words that are just as helpful). I am NOT done with this by a long shot, but just sharing my feelings that I am noticing inside me today..
whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Glad you're feeling better today SD. NJ said it well on your other thread, you're in NC by default right now (or was it TC who said that, or just agreed with NJ?) either way, the real test will be in 4 days. You can do this, take it hour by hour if need be. Reach out to everyone, post away as much as you need to. Go out more and don't spend weekends and evenings alone in your house. Have friends over, or just go out. Don't make yourself available to her. OWL keeps saying you need to block her number. If you can't do that then let it go to the machine - If you listen to it, that's your choice - But whatever you do, DO NOT call her back. Screen your calls, ALWAYS let the machine pick up if it's her number or a number you don't recognize, this will save you in the long run.
astra77 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Yesterday I found the door and I bolted right through it so damn fast and slammed it firmly shut behind me. Now my fear is that i will walk back in a moment of weakness and open it back up, "just incase" "just for a peek" I know that i cant keep doing this to myself, but f**ck its hard when you "think" you know someone, when you "think" you love someone, when you "think" your bubble world is really your reality. Even though i got the smack in the mouth i deserved to snap me out of it, I fear that i will walk back open the door and walk back through the damn door in a moment of weakness
Lyssa Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I read your update thread and glad that you're feeling better. I reckon you will fall back to how you felt several days ago - that's normal. It's not easy to just let go. Some people don't understand that but I am sure you will get there one day. Keep posting, Stamp.
OpenBook Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 StampDiddlyicious!!! Is that you in your avatar? Nice abs, sir!! You're a doll-baby. I'm glad you're feeling better. Every day it gets a little bit better, a little bit easier. "Little by little, I can breathe again." (Robert Plant) We're cheering you on!!
share&care Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Good luck Stampdaddy. I've read a few of your posts and can see you have been hurt. I wish for the best for you;)
Author stampdaddy Posted June 28, 2008 Author Posted June 28, 2008 Good luck Stampdaddy. I've read a few of your posts and can see you have been hurt. I wish for the best for you;) Thank you... It has been a long day..
White Flower Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Thank you... It has been a long day.. Hey Stampy, Sorry it's been a long day for you. It's been a long year for me, lol! Hope you're doing well. PM me anytime. Hugs, WF
Author stampdaddy Posted June 28, 2008 Author Posted June 28, 2008 Hey Stampy, Sorry it's been a long day for you. It's been a long year for me, lol! Hope you're doing well. PM me anytime. Hugs, WF Thanks sweetie.. Hugs for you too....
Lookingforward Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 StampDiddlyicious!!! Is that you in your avatar? Nice abs, sir!! You're a doll-baby. I'm glad you're feeling better. Every day it gets a little bit better, a little bit easier. "Little by little, I can breathe again." (Robert Plant) We're cheering you on!! (slight t/j) I actually prefer SD as Shemp (what does that mean do you think?) Just hang on tight SD....you'll get there eventually, lots of ups and downs until finally the ups outnumber the downs
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