PhoenixFromTheFlames Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 My ex just fell out of love one day. He says he can't explain it, he just stopped feeling it one day and couldn't get it back. I'm trying to move on, but i'm terrified I will find someone else, and history will repeat - one day they too will just randomly stop loving me. I've never just stopped loving someone, so I don't understand the phenomenon. Even in my worst relationship the love didn't just end, years of abuse killed it. I only walked when I was left no other choice. Things seemed good with the recent ex, there were no arguments, we wanted the same things out of life, nothing to kill it? It just disappeared. I have changed over the years we were together, but definately for the better, even he agreed with that. He said that he can't understand why he didn't love me anymore, because he really wanted to, and really tried to get it back? I'm sure lots of this is just crap to try and make me feel better, but it actually just makes it worse. I kept asking what it was, but he simply said he didn't know. How do I stop it happening again, when I don't know what went wrong? I didn't see it coming. All my other relationships (friends and family) have survived. None of them just stopped caring one day and vanished?
sultry33 Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 My ex just fell out of love one day. He says he can't explain it, he just stopped feeling it one day and couldn't get it back. I'm trying to move on, but i'm terrified I will find someone else, and history will repeat - one day they too will just randomly stop loving me. I've never just stopped loving someone, so I don't understand the phenomenon. Even in my worst relationship the love didn't just end, years of abuse killed it. I only walked when I was left no other choice. Things seemed good with the recent ex, there were no arguments, we wanted the same things out of life, nothing to kill it? It just disappeared. I have changed over the years we were together, but definately for the better, even he agreed with that. He said that he can't understand why he didn't love me anymore, because he really wanted to, and really tried to get it back? I'm sure lots of this is just crap to try and make me feel better, but it actually just makes it worse. I kept asking what it was, but he simply said he didn't know. How do I stop it happening again, when I don't know what went wrong? I didn't see it coming. All my other relationships (friends and family) have survived. None of them just stopped caring one day and vanished? i dont have the answer.. maybe there isnt one, i cant see how people just fall out of love if all was ok.. does not make sense. the only logical reason is that they wanted more.. i hate to suggest that, but if everything was good then why? im on the opposite side.. we still do love each other and it hurts that he does not love me enough to come back.. we too didnt have any problems together.. was outside influences but none the less he still left. i couldnt leave someone i loved, he could.. i hope you find the answers but maybe its just the way it is op.. like me.. life is a biatch
Meaplus3 Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 My ex just fell out of love one day. He says he can't explain it, he just stopped feeling it one day and couldn't get it back. I'm trying to move on, but i'm terrified I will find someone else, and history will repeat - one day they too will just randomly stop loving me. I've never just stopped loving someone, so I don't understand the phenomenon. Even in my worst relationship the love didn't just end, years of abuse killed it. I only walked when I was left no other choice. Things seemed good with the recent ex, there were no arguments, we wanted the same things out of life, nothing to kill it? It just disappeared. I have changed over the years we were together, but definately for the better, even he agreed with that. He said that he can't understand why he didn't love me anymore, because he really wanted to, and really tried to get it back? I'm sure lots of this is just crap to try and make me feel better, but it actually just makes it worse. I kept asking what it was, but he simply said he didn't know. How do I stop it happening again, when I don't know what went wrong? I didn't see it coming. All my other relationships (friends and family) have survived. None of them just stopped caring one day and vanished? I'm not exactly sure what to tell you here except that I can relate. I know you probably feel confused as to why he did not give you a clear reason however, don't bother wasting your time on something you might never know the answer to. Try and remember that all relationships are different. Comparing an old one to a new one will only have an ill affect on your new R. Best wishes. AP:)
bayouboi Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 I don't have an answer either, but next time around I'm going to try and employ the strategies from the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
stlnsmile Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 I could be soooo wrong about this, but this is what I think. I think your in a good relationship and things just go stagnant. You've seen each other in the morning with out your teeth brushed, you've seen each other at your best and at your worst, the sex isn't as exciting, the butterflys are gone. You've done the same things for weeks, watching movies at each others houses, whatever. And then one day he looks at you and the spark is just dead. He tries to get the spark back, but because he has said nothing to you that he's boared whatever, your not participating in getting the spark to come back. I have a few thoughts on this, number one, if I guy expects there always to be a spark then he's not very mature. Secondly, if he's not telling you the spark is gone, again, he's not very mature. And third, more than likely he was sitting there judging your behaviors or lack of them but not telling you what he needed, again not very mature. On the other side, I think expecially as women we need to understand that men are doers and visual. Meaning, things need to change, things need to keep a good pace. New fun expiriences must be had, new places to go, people to see. And you need to not let him in on too many of your mysteries too soon, like the not brushing your teeth part in the morning:) Don't let it become routine. Men want women who make them feel excitement and like they are not dead. It is sad but true. The women who can keep men interested are the ones who have their own lives, and who do fun things and are happy and sexy to boot. Be that kind of woman, and I don't think many men will be anxious to leave. I think an air of self confidance, and doing fun things, keeping your life anything but routine is the key. But you know, now that you are single, its a perfect chance to make your life a life that any man would be glad to be a part of for the long term. I am doing so many things now, and my list goes on and on of new things I want to do. I think I am a much more datable person now than I ever was before and no one would get board with my life or me now. Just my thoughts.
CandyGirlXO Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Just wanted to say that I know exactly how you are feeling. Two EXES ago this happened to me! Our R to me was perfect. I have never been more sure of anything in my life, then out of the blue he tells me he is not in love with me anymore. Yeah doesn't make any sense. We didn't argue, we were together for 2 years. He left me and NEVER called me again. I am guessing my EX liked someone else... Sorry
Author PhoenixFromTheFlames Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 I think your in a good relationship and things just go stagnant. And then one day he looks at you and the spark is just dead. He tries to get the spark back, but because he has said nothing to you that he's boared whatever, your not participating in getting the spark to come back. I agree with what you're saying, but like you said, he didn't say anything till it was too late. He had already started looking elsewhere and found someone. He wasn't constantly the most interesting person on the planet either. There would be times (months/weeks) where he wasn't exactly exciting, but I didn't just get bored and bugger off. I stuck it out like you're supposed to do. I will admit that I had lost a little sparkle in the last few months. Everyone can't be on top form all the time. I can't guarantee that next time round I would be able to keep up a constant sparkle, sometimes life is exhausting. It's not like he did either. There were a few months when all he talked about was work, constantly. It was boring, really boring, but I supported him, listened and more importantly I didn't start eyeing up more interesting replacements. He's 10 years older than me. Still hate him, still love him, still think he was a bit premature in ending it, but he's moved on.
stlnsmile Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Well also, I think, if a guy is the grass is greener type, always looking, no matter what you do, he's always going to be that type of guy ya know. If someone is looking for something wrong, they will find it. Healthy people assume there is something wrong with everyone, don't look for it, and address it if its something really bad. These other types, are always looking for then next best thing it seems. There is nothing you can do about that. And if they do it to you, they will do it to them. You will never be perfect, neither will I......no one is. I don't choose to look at life though those types of glasses, rose colored ones, where everyone is supposed to be perfect all the time and not have any warts (metiphorically). I wouldn't like it. Guys like this, the ones who want those butterflies forever etc..will never be in relationships long term, because all relationships loose that at some point. I mean, what a real relationship is built on is mutual respect, trust, and friendship. The kind of person who really knows you, deep down, and respects you and those things that make you, you. I will never tie myself up into knots again for some guy. I will only be myself. On the other side, I just will make sure to be his friend, and make sure that he actually is mine. That he respects me and who I am. Im not sure there really is much you can do except be the best version of yourself. I think everyone will see in their own situations things they let slide that maybe they would not next time. I know I do. On the other side, Im looking for my best friend, someone who likes to go camping and not care if my hair is not perfect...I don't want some superficial sap either. Like my ex:)
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