thekid55 Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 I was dating this girl for about 2 months at college. Summer vacation started a month ago and we began a LDR. During the school year, we spent a lot of time together, slept together, were intimate. All of our friends were extremely happy for us. She took me home one weekend to meet her family and she has met some of mine. She left for summer and cried in my arms for almost 20 minutes because she didn't want to leave me... So here is the summer. We are 19 years old and 5 hours apart for the summer. As soon as she gets home, her ex boyfriend starts calling her like crazy. They dated for a year in high school and broke up in January. (We got together in late March). Their colleges were about 12 hours apart. They broke up because the distance wasn't working out and he told her that she wasn't worth it. Since then, he sent her flowers, tried calling her, everything that most dumpees due to try to win their ex back....and you know what these actions did...they pushed her right into MY arms. So summer comes, we have great conversations everyday. Keep things light. I plan a trip to go see her. Being at home, she goes to a lot of parties. Since her ex is in her friends circle, she has seen him a lot. He has started numerous fights with her. Blamed his drug addiction on her, got his sister to yell at her, got his friends to make her feel bad for having me, etc. It was always a constant problem with him and she kept putting herself in that situation because she wanted to be with her friends. He even tried to kiss her one night and she slapped him. So I'm listening to problems about him for a few weeks and in the beginning, I would try to help her with the problems, but over time, the problems with him started to dominate the conversations. I told her overtime that I just didn't want to hear about the ex anymore and she needs to do something about it. This led to a huge fight and she told me that she just can't do our relationship anymore since she is stressed out, I don't understand her, she is over her ex, but not over the relationship with him. I don't get that. This all happened about 3 weeks ago. So I let about 4 days pass before contacting her. Her and I had this trip planned for me to visit her. So I called her, asked about the trip, she said it wasn't a good idea for me to come and stay with her. I told her that I was coming to visit my room mate who lives near her and she wanted to have lunch with me when I came. We ended up going out to lunch. Things were really awkward with her, we had a few laughs, but overall, she seemed depressed. At the time, her job hadn't started up yet and she told me that she would go out at nights to drink and just get away from her problems. She told me that it was unfair to put me through her problems at home. And that when she's ready, she will come to me and it'll be choice if I want to start things over. But she told me not to wait for her and she doesn't know how long it'll be. After the trip, I visited my room mate and had a great time. I ended up IMing her a few days later bragging about the Lakers winning and she responded the next day when the Celtics won the title. Bragging and joking around. That was the last time I heard from her. Around last Wednesday. I really have no impulse to contact her. And I realize that her and I are just in two different places right now. Seems like she has some demons from the past to put away before she can move forward. I'm about 95% confident that there is no one else in the picture for her... I didn't do the whole needy, begging deal that some dumpees do. I do miss her. We would talk a few times everyday and I always looked forward to it. I haven't wallowed in the breakup..I've been exercising, working, hanging with friends, and even dating! My question: Given the situation and the outside forces, do you think that we might have a shot to resurrect things come September? It is a long time...Over 2 months away. It's tough not talking as much anymore..
carhill Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 You're young. Enjoy the bountiful beauty of the female gender surrounding you. September will come soon enough. IMO, don't contact her anymore this summer. You're both changing and growing rapidly. You had a great time together for two months. Maybe you'll have more great times in the future....
critter909 Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 There is not much you can do except give her time and see if she comes back to you in September. You said it yourself, the ex tried to get her back with flowers, begging etc. and it only drove her into your arms. So if you try any of that she will probably just run to the ex. Maybe have a conversation with her where you tell her that you are not worried about it, you like her but that she needs to decide on her own time and that you will see her in September and see where things are. Enjoy your summer! You said you were dating other people, you don't need all this drama, keep going out and having a good time.
Author thekid55 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 Do you think I should be concerned that her and I really don't talk anymore or is it a good thing for now?
critter909 Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 That's the idea, don't talk to her for a while. She needs a chance to miss you. So far you are the one pursuing her right? Give her a chance to come to you, if she wants to, if not then you have your answer too.
Author thekid55 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 Well, I did probably everything I could do to try to save the relationship. My gut is telling me that she just wants to be alone for the summer. Hell, I want to be alone too for the summer. It's just too much a hassle to do long distance when we are still teenagers. I'm sure we'll talk at some point this summer, but I am more concerned about when we get back to school. The last time we were at school, her and I would spent a lot of time together and spend the night together every night. I do want that security back when I go back to school and I think she'll want it too...Who knows though.. That's my goal going forward, getting her back at school, whats the best way to accomplish this?
carhill Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 That's my goal going forward, getting her back at school, whats the best way to accomplish this? Casually "run into her"....
Author thekid55 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 I think that she'll run into me...I'm not pursuing this anymore. I've done all I can do.
carhill Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 If so, keep the contact casual. Smile and say something like "Looks like summer has been good to you. How was it?" or something similarly topical. Talk about some highlights of your summer. I think her body language and expressions will tell the story of whether she's still interested in you or not. Who knows, at that point, it may not matter to you. It's still a long hot summer to go
Author thekid55 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 When I went up there to visit and we went out to lunch, her actions and expressions were just down right depressing. Besides the 2 minute hug we had when we initiating saw each other, it was hard for her to smile. Even when some friends called her, she just seemed really unhappy. The root of the unhappiness? I really don't know. I asked her what it was and she didn't even know why she was so unhappy. It could be the crazy ex. It could be being at home. I really don't know. But her actions the last time I saw her weren't positive. All I know was, she couldn't have been any happier when we were together at school. She was always upbeat and happy. This trip was 2 weeks ago. And we really haven't spoken too much since then.
Author thekid55 Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 She called me on Friday and we talked for about 10 minutes. Just about life. No talk about the relationship or anything..Thoughts?
carhill Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Sounds fine. Summer has just started. Call her once or twice during the summer to stay in touch, if you like. Keep your options open.
Author thekid55 Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 Do you think her calling me had any type of significance?
backto1 Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Man, you should really try to relax. Don't analyze everything and worry about her so much. If you guys talk, run into each other, whatever just go with it but don't analyze it. Who knows why she called you - she probably doesn't even know. On top of all that, if she wants anything serious, she knows how to get ahold of you. Now get out there and enjoy the rest of the summer.
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