collegelife89 Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Alright, so here comes a pretty heavy and complex situation. Give me any advice or just share your objective opinion on the matter. Disclaimer: This one is long so go get some snacks and a cup of coffee. I'm 19 years old and have just finished my first year of college. I'm in summer school now living on campus and working and loving every minute of freedom. This past February I met a girl who was great, Mary. Mary was fun, outgoing and I loved being with her. We connected extremely quick - a little too quick. She deals with depression - as do I. So we fed off of each other's emotional distress. It was a bad idea in hindsight. Now, she's home for the summer working and will be coming back in the fall to finish her last semester and graduate. She's 22 and in a different stage of life. I feel like we are headed in different directions due to our age difference. I know that I want to end it but I'm trying to figure out the best damage control. Here's where it gets complicated: She has two younger sisters, twins, who happen to my best friends. Next fall they will all be living together - right above me and my best guy friend. They know of the situation but I'm afraid when I end it that they will not be same way towards me or it will at least be awkward. It will certainly be difficult for them to manage spending time with their sister (who won't want to see me at all) and hanging out with me. Yes, Mary will not want to see me. She has turned out to be very immature. She has also laid out the whole "we're gonna get married" and "if you break up with me I'll never find anyone else" stuff. She makes me call her every night. She is also incredibly insecure and questions whether I still love her all the time. Not to mention she gets pissed over the smallest things. I'm just tired of it and I know it's not going anywhere. Finally, I don't want me to come into her career decision come graduation. I'm flying up there in July to spend a couple of days with her family and some of my friends are coming - it's a group thing. School starts in August. What's the best way to handle this? I don't want to hurt her and I certainly don't want to put her sisters in an adverse situation. I hate the idea of knowing I'm about to take a path which will lessen my time with two of my good friends (her sisters). Should I do it while I'm seeing her in July? Wait till I get back and do it via phone? Contact her sisters first? or will that put them in an even more difficult situation? Thanks for reading, many thanks!
iain Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Seems the major concern here is your friendship with her sisters... things always get tough when blood mixes with loved ones but from experience, my fiance that just left me is still best friends with my brother regardless. If you are really close you will stay that way, no couple is perfect and it's abnormal to find "the one" at 19 or 22. Break the news in the best way you see fit, be respectful, honest and open with her and her sisters. It's not your fault, you don't control the way you feel towards others
Author collegelife89 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 Good point. I'll admit that if she wasn't my best friends' sister than this relationship would have ended some time ago. I know they'll be there for me but I feel bad about making them go through what will become of the next semester. There will probably be many difficult situations where they will be wanting to spend time with me but their sister will too and hence conflict. Thanks for your reply, Lain.
Ronni_W Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 I hate the idea of knowing I'm about to take a path which will lessen my time with two of my good friends (her sisters). Should I do it while I'm seeing her in July? Wait till I get back and do it via phone? Contact her sisters first? or will that put them in an even more difficult situation? I would say it is the more humane (and courageous) thing to do, to break-up in person..but you pro'ly knew that, already(?) I was extremely close with my sis-in-law, so she kinda knew what was going on before, through and after my separation/divorce (from her brother.) I'd say that, if the sisters know nothing of your current discontent and unhappiness, it's not the time to bring it up now. In any case, it will be up to the sisters, as to whether or not they can separate their feelings towards you from their feelings towards their sister. In my case, my in-laws and own family have been able to do that -- much to their credit (and my own hard work in this regard.) But I also know of cases where individuals or whole families decide it would be 'disloyal' or whatever, to continue to be friends. I miss my former in-laws dearly...whenever we get together now, parting truly is such sweet sorrow! But my marriage was like your relationship. And it is insane to stay just because we will also lose touch with others whom we cherish. It's also possible that your soon-to-be-ex will force her sisters and family to "choose a side". Unfortunate but not unheard of -- again, that will be up to them to decide how they want to handle such a demand, their own family dynamics, etc.
Recommended Posts