carrotgirl Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I might have to just show up at their place "as is" emotionally (I don't know if I can pull off brave, chipper front tonight) and hope that they can deal with me. SSG, TicTacs, cough drops, peppermints, lollipops, all normal enough to keep in my mouth and have many times kept my mouth occupied enough to keep me slightly more silent when I couldn't pull off a more socially adjusted Carrot exterior. If I had to mope, at least I was mopey and not mopey and whiney! I know, even our closest friends get a little worn out too. This will pass. Besides, luminous. SSG is luminous! Hello! Carrot
Author sunshinegirl Posted June 28, 2008 Author Posted June 28, 2008 Luminous SSG managed to pull off non-whiney dinner with friends, but inside was crying the whole time. Somehow I have started remembering the good times and not the bad, missing Eric's companionship and forgetting the loneliness I felt when we were together. Wondering if he ever thinks about me. I feel like the emptiness is really only now settling in - it's been about 5 weeks of NC, 7 weeks since breakup. Now am coughing my lungs out from stupid chest cold. Cried on the drive home, only to have other friends show up on my doorstep when I got there - they'd been out in my neighborhood and were leaving when I was coming home. Hope I pulled off 'non-hysterical SSG' with them, enough so they didn't notice the tears. Now just sitting in stupid funk that I want to pass. I want to forget him, be over him, be deeply in-my-soul-glad that we didn't work out. I feel really far from that right now even though I have 40 reasons why I should be glad.
carrotgirl Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I've been in bed all night myself nursing a nasty fever and what promises to be a Strep throat. It sucks. Your misery has a little company although admittedly, you're far more miserable tonight and deservedly so. Said without even a little humor. I feel for you Sunshine. I've been there. So you had two successes tonight. That is some pretty major stuff to feel proud of. And screw Eric, really. One of my brothers is named Eric. He's a dufus. I'm convinced all Erics are. I haven't met even one who was completely self-inflated, over-sexed and with an unholy love of X. And hey, I love my bro! Is there anything good on TV tonight? I think I can get ABC if I hold one arm up, my legs together don't go pee. Carrot
Author sunshinegirl Posted June 28, 2008 Author Posted June 28, 2008 Thanks Carrot. Funny, they didn't feel like successes tonight, but I suppose not tormenting my friends yet again probably feels like a success from their perspective. What flipping sucks about seeing the friends tonight is that Eric and I were in their wedding 3 years ago - he was still married at the time and we barely remember each other. But they have a photo in their LR of the whole wedding party and I kept stealing furtive looks at it to see if he has that vacant, not-happy look in his eyes even then. Nah, he actually looks reasonably happy there, though way younger - he's aged a lot in 3 yrs. BUT success in that I kept my thoughts to myself. I don't like hearing his name...I never loved his name anyhow and I called him honey or sweetie 90% of the time. Funny that you don't like any Erics you know (funny about your brother...) It's getting late. I was debating putting on Battlestar Galactica (my bro-in-law says I need to watch it, some character reminds him of me) or Superbad. But maybe I'll just read a book for awhile. Have I ever mentioned on here how much better my sense of humor is than Eric's? I introduced him to Flight of the Conchords, for chrissake. I don't know why that felt important to put out there, but for some reason it is. He had a donkey-style laugh that I hated for the first two months. Somehow it became endearing but maybe now I should remember how it grated on my ears at first.
carrotgirl Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 There was a negative missing from one of those sentences of mine about my brother. Oh well... I think you understood my meaning. May I recommend the SuperBad later when you've abandoned your book? And enough with the silent thing. I was only suggesting alternatives earlier. No need to go all monkish! And please remember that nobody likes a martyr. Unless she's hella hawt and looooomeeeenusssss. Okay, my brother Eric is, like the rest of my family, stunningly gorgeous. (I'm the family ugly duckling which is really scary.) He doesn't bray like an a$$. He just has bratty brother a$$-like tendencies. He's happily married off like the rest of the brothers so, not my problem. When you're feeling sassy again come poke at my thread a little. I've gone all monkish. I need company. Carrot
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