Pyro Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Once they get what they want and get married to the woman they love. they stop saying I love you's, they stop saying I miss you's. they stop giving you roses in your birthday or anniversary etc. but when you asked them "do you still love me" ? and will gave you "yes i love you". what's up with that ? Not just limited to men. Women have the capability to do that as well. When things are taken for granted or things become repititious, then it can become a problem. Spontaneity is the key.
fral945 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 The eternal male trap. Avoid at all costs! Now matter what it looks like, "It's fine" or "That's good" usually works.
fral945 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I forgot to add that a nod of the head in approval is good as well. Like ever married man has ever told me about handling conversations with women: "You can be right or you can be happy".
trust Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Oh no, they don't exist because I don't want to believe it. I refuse to. All men are bastards and all women are innocent little girls. I could not possibly be so screwed in the head I don't know what on Earth I am actually talking about. Go and get a hobby for chrissake. I guess you'd have to kinda know Woggle... I like him. I'm starting to get the impression that there is truth behind what he says, but sometimes he tends to steer towards the side of exaggeration just to get a rise out of the ladies. And it's working very well for him. He's like a strange magnificent bird; he swoops into a thread, he poops and then he flies away to some mystical place. LOL Woggle you're great! I get you man...I get you.
trust Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Isn't there a book called "Languages of Love" that details the different ways different people express their love? Yes, there is. And I've actually bought copies of it for friends. It's one of the best relationship books I've laid my hands on. It's called "Five Love Languages *for your mate*" by Gary Chapman. There are several versions of Five Love Languages. One is for teens..the other for married couples...the best (in my opinion) is the one "for your mate." And Blind Otter, if you buy it, read it, and find it wasn't helpful..I'd be willing to buy it from you so that you will have only lost your time. It's that good.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Once they get what they want and get married to the woman they love. they stop saying I love you's, they stop saying I miss you's. they stop giving you roses in your birthday or anniversary etc. but when you asked them "do you still love me" ? and will gave you "yes i love you". what's up with that ? Why do women stop dressing all sexy and provocative after they get married? Why do they stop wearing the cute makeup? Why do they stop flirting with you in public and doing things in front of people to show the world he is her's? Why do they let their bodies go and blame it on time and children? What's up with that? Obviously this is a generalization and a dramatization in some aspects. But, I say that to say this, its not all or even majority of the men who do this, I know all my male friends tell their wives this all the time and still some times kiss and make googley eyes right in front of me. But, I think when it comes to BOTH men AND women, once we have achieved our goal and hard work to getting the man or woman of our dreams, we want to relax and take it easy and put the relationship on auto-pilot. We like to think that we have moved passed the actions we took to catch our mate and that we don't need these tools and tricks any more. Many fail to realize that IT IS this aspect of yourself that you showed that we expect to remain as part of the relationship. This is why I believe and will live by this main rule when I get married, "What you did to get your spouse down the isle is what you do to keep the marriage alive." What does that mean? Guys if you brought your gal flowers every week and took her out once a week...keep it up. Women, if you know your man loves your hair hanging down to your back and you kept a closet full of sexy stuff for him to see you in, don't cut your hair without talking to him or start going on in sweats sets and flip flops. If your guy loved how you cradled his head on your lap and you read him poetry on a stormy night, keep it up. If you know your girlfriend loved how you colored your hair and wore the Snoopy and Woodstock boxers to bed, make sure you have enough sets until she tells you she doesn't want to see them anymore. So, in short, just in case I have not answered your question...It is the false impression that the "game" is won and now I can hit the showers and enjoy the victory without having to play any other games. DNR
Jersey Shortie Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Men don't loose interest..it's just that one woman is never good enough for them. That's why porn is always better then the real SO. At least, that's the message alot of men end up sending.
trust Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Men don't loose interest..it's just that one woman is never good enough for them. That's why porn is always better then the real SO. At least, that's the message alot of men end up sending. LOL Oh no! The porn leaked out of the other thread and into this one. Just when I thought I got a vacation from that topic.... I agree with you JS. I agree with you. Allow me to stand up and be counted. I'm not a porno King. No porn in marriage for me. You make a good point.
Trialbyfire Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 So, in short, just in case I have not answered your question...It is the false impression that the "game" is won and now I can hit the showers and enjoy the victory without having to play any other games. That's why it's important to be yourself to a reasonable extent during the dating process. What you see is what you get. No one can keep up the "game" for a perpetuity.
Author Passionate69 Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 That's why it's important to be yourself to a reasonable extent during the dating process. What you see is what you get. No one can keep up the "game" for a perpetuity. I strongly agree with what trial said. to all single men here please be yourself, don't act sweet and pretend that you are into sex and expert in bed even if the truth is you are not. What does that mean? Guys if you brought your gal flowers every week and took her out once a week...keep it up. Women, if you know your man loves your hair hanging down to your back and you kept a closet full of sexy stuff for him to see you in, don't cut your hair without talking to him or start going on in sweats sets and flip flops. If your guy loved how you cradled his head on your lap and you read him poetry on a stormy night, keep it up. If you know your girlfriend loved how you colored your hair and wore the Snoopy and Woodstock boxers to bed, make sure you have enough sets until she tells you she doesn't want to see them anymore. You're right my darling likes my long hair to be hang down I just do it if I feel like it.
Lookingforward Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Men don't loose interest..it's just that one woman is never good enough for them. That's why porn is always better then the real SO. At least, that's the message alot of men end up sending. too bad - maybe the RIGHT woman is "enough" - just a thought and fwiw I have NEVER had a guy that thought porn was better than the real thing with me LOL
annieo Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 In response to the original question, maybe because many of them have the attention span of gnats. In a bitter mood, it will pass
LakesideDream Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 I don't claim to know all the reasons, I do have some experiance in these matters. One thing that stands out in the cases I personally know of is that women often live in the "was" while men live in the "now". I was married for 25 years, at the end of the marriage one of the many things I was confronted with was something that happened on the second day we were married that displeased her. Not enough of a "something" for her to mention it at the time mind you, just "something" (it was literally not credible). As the marriage continued In addition to being a stay at home Mom for almost 10 years, there were many "ups and downs" two children, 6 houses, a dozen cars.. blah blah. Throughout that time when something occured that displeased her she filed it away. Every major argument included a recitation of every "mal-deed" that she believed that I had ever comitted. After just a few years I came to believe that this was a normal behavior. Like most men, my major concern was what was occuring "now", as in currently withing a day or two, ie, the reason for the disagreement. As I said before I thought this was par for the marriage. I could never overcome the totality of my perceived "misdeeds" when taken in totality over decades. Something that happened yesterday, seldom is competitive with 20 years of "baggage". At some point many women say "they have had enough". then recite everything unpleasant that happened in the marriage as an excuse for deciding to leave the marriage (walk away). Many also recite a version of the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speach. At LS we know that the "speach" is code for "I have another love interest", regardless of gender. I always called this the "book of wrongs". I believe the book of wrongs is pure evil.
Mustang Sally Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Lakeside. I think you make a good point. I would just add that there is little validity to this (woman's) approach unless amends or apologies were never made back to her regarding the misdeeds. If the behaviour was recurring, then I guess I have to say that I side with the woman's approach: I'd probably bring it all back up, too. Whenever applicable - as evidence and explanation for why I was displeased about certain things. This all is (obviously) dependent upon whether the "misdeeds" (whether perceived or real) were fairly discussed by both parties and covenants made about how to deal with said misdeeds by both sides. Sometimes the "was" and the "now" haven't been reconciled to both parties' satisfaction. Does that make one inherently right and the other wrong? Depends on which side you are standing at the time, no?
LakesideDream Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Lakeside. I think you make a good point. I would just add that there is little validity to this (woman's) approach unless amends or apologies were never made back to her regarding the misdeeds. If the behaviour was recurring, then I guess I have to say that I side with the woman's approach: I'd probably bring it all back up, too. Whenever applicable - as evidence and explanation for why I was displeased about certain things. This all is (obviously) dependent upon whether the "misdeeds" (whether perceived or real) were fairly discussed by both parties and covenants made about how to deal with said misdeeds by both sides. Sometimes the "was" and the "now" haven't been reconciled to both parties' satisfaction. Does that make one inherently right and the other wrong? Depends on which side you are standing at the time, no? Mustang, Don't misunderstand. Each and everyone of the instances I mentioned and alluded to were "settled" at the time. None of them were serious "marriage breakers". It was things like overspending a budget (once not regulary) or being late (my fault) for her family gathering (yes I drug my feet). Or and maybe most importantly numerous occasions when I failed to read my then wife's mind! A great example. For the first 7 years of my marriage I rode a motorcycle to and from work cutting the commute by an hour a day. I actually left my car at the job. I occasionally rode for pleasure on weekends. 5 years into our marriage one child was born, then a year later the second. I didn't change my routine. One day there was a huge "fight" over nothing (overlooking on an item on the grocery list or somesuch). Ends up the fight was about riding the motorcycle. It ended when she uttered her truth, which was she was worried I'd have a fatal accident and leave her 25 years old raising two kids alone . I parked the motorcycle that day and didn't ride it again for 15 years. Her fear was reasonable. The damage had been done those. She had worried for quite awhile silently, I didn't read her mind, for this I was to blame. I heard about it for 18 more years. My mis-deed was both riding the bike, and not reading her mind. It was a major felony. I made the decision her request was valid and acted immediately, and promply moved on. She never could. That's an example of what I was writing about. There were more instances of the same.
Mustang Sally Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Alright, LD. Thanks for the clarification. FWIW, I figured that was the sort of (crazy/irrational/unfair) stuff you were alluding to. I just didn't want others to interpret it as carte blanche for men (or women, for that matter) to go around repeatedly doing annoying and inconsiderate things (like my H's neanderthal habit of leaving dirty socks and underwear laying around in the PUBLIC rooms of our house - like the family room, kitchen, entryway), being called on it, but then self-righteously refusing to do anything (reasonable) about it while pointing the finger at the woman for never burying the hatchet and/or nagging him. Clear as mud? That being said, however, I think nagging is a valid reason why many men do lose interest.
LakesideDream Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Mustang... an funny (?). My "major malfunction" throughout the marriage was not consistantly closing cabinet doors. Kitchen, laundry room... drove my wife nutty. By the end of the first week she left I became obsessive about cabinet doors, and keep em all closed! I know what you mean though.
Mustang Sally Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 My "major malfunction" throughout the marriage was not consistantly closing cabinet doors. I guess some of us women are just unreasonable that way!
Haner Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Some people do hold grudges longer. It's not a women thing though. When things aren't going well, one tends to justify ill will by digging deep into the past to get oneself even more riled up. It's not the cause, just the symptom. Smile a lot, be a happy person day to day, work things out at the first sign of conflict or grievance, and your relationship will be good. Simple as that. Takes two to tango though.
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I guess some of us women are just unreasonable that way! After the sixth indentation in my forehead, I can get mean like that!
SunnySideUp Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Some people do hold grudges longer. It's not a women thing though. When things aren't going well, one tends to justify ill will by digging deep into the past to get oneself even more riled up. It's not the cause, just the symptom. Smile a lot, be a happy person day to day, work things out at the first sign of conflict or grievance, and your relationship will be good. Simple as that. Takes two to tango though. Kudos. I feel the same way. Tackling issues the second they arise with humor and respect is working way more for my marriage than piling up greivences and then letting them all out at once.
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