Trialbyfire Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 #4 is a tricky one. Most women when they like you nag until the nagging turns into resentment. Catch it early enough and stop it and you have yourself a good catch. The nagging usually means she's trying to tell you something and either you're not listening or she's having hard time telling you straight up or both. Schedule a night with her and tell her you want to have a long talk because you feel like you've been neglecting your relationship. Let her open up and listen to everything she has to say. While this is good advice, the way you've stated it, leaves some doubt as to the validity of what she might have to say. As a quasi-reinforcement for t_veron's post, as a woman, I hate nagging. If I feel I get to the point of having to nag, he's not listening so I'm gone. Communication is key!
PiscesTheHated Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 So if you and your girlfriend have a connection and are in love - looks should not matter. AND, you might regret leaving her for someone that might be better looking but have nothing in common.
Krytie TV Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 So if you and your girlfriend have a connection and are in love - looks should not matter. Very idealistic and something unattractive people would say. If only it were that easy.
stillafool Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Very idealistic and something unattractive people would say. If only it were that easy. I don't think it's idealistic at all. Beauty is different to all people. If he didn't find his gf attractive in the beginning (other than her occupation) he should have chosen someone who's appearance is more to his liking. It is just strange to read that someone has a gf they are not physically attracted to. It makes you wonder why did you pick this person??? I can understand if you were initially attracted to this person and her looks changed, but he sounds like he hasn't been physically attracted to her from the start.
GoodOnPaper Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 It is just strange to read that someone has a gf they are not physically attracted to. It makes you wonder why did you pick this person??? Not speaking for Icewind here, but there are a lot of reasons -- most revolve around inexperience and/or lack of options. Throw in some insecurities, a girl who is crazy about you, dread at the thought of long-term involuntary celibacy, and some misunderstandings about attraction, outer beauty and inner beauty, and you have perfect conditions for a guy to let a relationship drag on too long before realizing his doubts. Personally, though, I think there is more attraction between Icewind and his gf than what he gives credit for. However, the only thing that counts is the level of attraction he accepts.
Trialbyfire Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Very idealistic and something unattractive people would say. If only it were that easy. Ahem...it's true about being idealistic but beyond that, not true. I do agree it's not that easy... But... It's something worth waiting for, instead of settling for someone who's shallow. Superficial relationships never last.
stillafool Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Not speaking for Icewind here, but there are a lot of reasons -- most revolve around inexperience and/or lack of options. Throw in some insecurities, a girl who is crazy about you, dread at the thought of long-term involuntary celibacy, and some misunderstandings about attraction, outer beauty and inner beauty, and you have perfect conditions for a guy to let a relationship drag on too long before realizing his doubts. Personally, though, I think there is more attraction between Icewind and his gf than what he gives credit for. However, the only thing that counts is the level of attraction he accepts. So basically what you're saying is a man will use a woman who he feels is physically unattractive for all his needs until he can find someone more attractive. :sick:
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Very idealistic and something unattractive people would say. If only it were that easy. I agree. Why settle for a relationship that is any less than ideal? There are so many people in the world, it's unrealistic to think that you won't be able to find one who is both emotionally and physically attractive to you.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 So basically what you're saying is a man will use a woman who he feels is physically unattractive for all his needs until he can find someone more attractive. :sick: Sad, but both men and women do it. People are by and large selfish creatures, and they pair up for so many reasons. People take jobs they don't really like and grow to loathe, live in places they're not crazy about, and date people who are far from their ideal partner, because it's the best they can do or the best they THINK they can do. It's often only when better options open up that they realize they're settling for less than they really want.
Tomcat33 Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 So basically what you're saying is a man will use a woman who he feels is physically unattractive for all his needs until he can find someone more attractive. :sick: yeah basically and both genders do that. I don't agree that if you are into a person the pysical doens't matter, in order to fully be into them you must be into them physically as well and the OP already explained he sort of isn't. I see problems here long term.
GoodOnPaper Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 So basically what you're saying is a man will use a woman who he feels is physically unattractive for all his needs until he can find someone more attractive. :sick: If inexperience is a factor, the man is probably not seeing it this way. He may like his connection with the woman on other companionship levels and thinks that the physical attraction will follow at some point. Not really any different than staying in a primarily physical relationship too long while waiting for a deeper connection that ultimately doesn't materialize.
Author IceWind Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 Hmm well, you guys have offered some good incite and advice that has got me thinking. But at this point, its simply to much of a risk/chance to loose this woman and end up regreting it for the rest of my life, I simply can't choose that path, so we will continue to go on together and see what happens. Marriage is only something we've talked about, its still a few years away at least so if nothing else, I still have time before its to late, so to speak
Trialbyfire Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Hmm well, you guys have offered some good incite and advice that has got me thinking. But at this point, its simply to much of a risk/chance to loose this woman and end up regreting it for the rest of my life, I simply can't choose that path, so we will continue to go on together and see what happens. Marriage is only something we've talked about, its still a few years away at least so if nothing else, I still have time before its to late, so to speak Icewind, don't string your g/f along if you're having doubts. Get your doubts out of the way before proceeding further.
melodymatters Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Hmm well, you guys have offered some good incite and advice that has got me thinking. But at this point, its simply to much of a risk/chance to loose this woman and end up regreting it for the rest of my life, I simply can't choose that path, so we will continue to go on together and see what happens. Marriage is only something we've talked about, its still a few years away at least so if nothing else, I still have time before its to late, so to speak i think this is a good idea. if your not completely sure, better to wait than burn bridges. Plus, you said when you are together these feelings mostly dissappear and you have been apart for a while. Good luck, true compatibility is rare, and as you get older, looks become much less important ; both myself and an ex of mine were the " beautiful people' in our town and field. Guess what ? We drove each other BUG nuts, and are now both much happier with ' average looking ' people !
Calisto Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 Hmm well, you guys have offered some good incite and advice that has got me thinking. But at this point, its simply to much of a risk/chance to loose this woman and end up regreting it for the rest of my life, I simply can't choose that path, so we will continue to go on together and see what happens. Marriage is only something we've talked about, its still a few years away at least so if nothing else, I still have time before its to late, so to speak It sounds like you still are deeply in love with her, but are being affected by the media on what a beautiful woman looks like. That is sad.
Author IceWind Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 ****, this isn't good. We were making love tonight and though I was turned on pretty well as I haven't gotten any in a month, my head started to once again fill with images of porno and nudity from other sources which was make it difficult to stay focused on pleasing her. I"ve stopped looking/watching that stuff since she got home to help keep my sexual attention focused on her, but apparently, i've cursed myself. I'm so dissapointed in myself, my heart and soul loves this woman even with her imperfections, but my mind is having a visual/stimulation break down and its not getting better, I dunno what to do.
Recommended Posts