mike v Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Hi, im a 19 yearold... and me and my girl just got married a few months ago.. we have our ups and downs.. but i love her to death, and when we are good.. its really good.. but when its bad its ****ty.. however, when we are being nice to eachother she is very loving and seems to care alot about me and whateverrrr.. but when we argue, she turns into this bitch from hell and makes me feel like **** even when im trying really hard to just be relaxed and not argue with her, but say sorry, and try to make it better.. im the type of guy to go to the store .. and think about her, and stop and get flowers and gifts for her at random occasions.. i dont know if she appreciates now that we aare married and she maybe got what she wants.. idk why she makes me feel so bad if she supposably loves me so much.. she tattood my name twice on her, and now we are married.. are these good enough signs to assume she still cares alot? should i just stay layed back and ignore her rude remarks and bitchy attitude?.. it really gets to me because im 19 and i dont just go arund marrying woman.. i feel her and i are meant to be, i love her more thatn anything in this world.. i just want to get the unconditional feeling of love from her as well.. like i said when we are good we are good.. i guess.. maybe if anyone has any suggestions on how to not let the words affect me as much, and to avoid arguing and gettin depressed..?.. and another issue i have is that when we started being togethor she kept telling me that i am her second man she has slept with.. which i doubt.. due to how sexy she is and howmany guys try to get with her.. and she seems sneaky .. so idk what to think?. should i belive her??.. because i dont want to be getting lied to when she tells me this.. so idk what to think.. it just gets to me when i think that she is lying to my face about how many people she slept with.. because she asked me and i told her the hard truth .. lol.. well any suggestions??.. these are two crucial matters in our relationsship. *
whichwayisup Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 You two are young and need to grow together as a couple. Learn how to communicate and really listen to eachother - That comes with honesty, letting go of ego and compromising. Some marriage counselling can help you two change the dynamtic that's been going on. Each of you have a certain way of dealing and reacting to things, and neither of you are willing to back down.
Jennifer26 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Hi, im a 19 yearold... and me and my girl just got married a few months ago.. we have our ups and downs.. but i love her to death, and when we are good.. its really good.. but when its bad its ****ty.. however, when we are being nice to eachother she is very loving and seems to care alot about me and whateverrrr.. but when we argue, she turns into this bitch from hell and makes me feel like **** even when im trying really hard to just be relaxed and not argue with her, but say sorry, and try to make it better.. im the type of guy to go to the store .. and think about her, and stop and get flowers and gifts for her at random occasions.. i dont know if she appreciates now that we aare married and she maybe got what she wants.. idk why she makes me feel so bad if she supposably loves me so much.. she tattood my name twice on her, and now we are married.. are these good enough signs to assume she still cares alot? should i just stay layed back and ignore her rude remarks and bitchy attitude?.. it really gets to me because im 19 and i dont just go arund marrying woman.. i feel her and i are meant to be, i love her more thatn anything in this world.. i just want to get the unconditional feeling of love from her as well.. like i said when we are good we are good.. i guess.. maybe if anyone has any suggestions on how to not let the words affect me as much, and to avoid arguing and gettin depressed..?.. and another issue i have is that when we started being togethor she kept telling me that i am her second man she has slept with.. which i doubt.. due to how sexy she is and howmany guys try to get with her.. and she seems sneaky .. so idk what to think?. should i belive her??.. because i dont want to be getting lied to when she tells me this.. so idk what to think.. it just gets to me when i think that she is lying to my face about how many people she slept with.. because she asked me and i told her the hard truth .. lol.. well any suggestions??.. these are two crucial matters in our relationsship. * Why do you want to know how many partners she has had prior to you? I'm not condemning you for wanting to know, but it seems like you're pretty insecure about it. I could see why she might lie to you, not that I condone lying either. She is with you now, right? She chose to marry you. Have a little faith that she loves you and work on trust. You say she is sneaky, in what ways? Has she done anything that would make her untrustworthy? If not then perhaps you need to work on your own self esteem and insecurities. I don't say this to be mean, but rather as someone who is also insecure and has been untrusting and has had to work on my own issues in order to be happy in a relationship. Arguments come with marriage. It is better to have arguments than to bottle up things. If you two are arguing, that means there are some issues that need to be addressed. I would be more concerned about this. What are you arguing about? What sort of "rude" and "bitchy" remarks is she making to you? Maybe listen to what she is saying, even if she might be angry. Try to see through that and understand what might be bothering her. You have to constantly work at things, improve yourself, and communicate to make a marriage successful. You want her to be bitching, trust me! When she stops bitching, that will be when she has given up on you and the marriage and will start harboring resentment towards you. And as for unconditional love, it doesn't exist in a marriage. Unconditional love means you can do anything or she could do anything and you would still love her. I think you would stop loving her if she abused you, cheated on you, treated you like absolute dirt. If you want someone to love you, you need to treat them well. You need to always respect them, and show them you care, you need to be honest and be willing to sacrifice at times.
Author mike v Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 thanks for the reply's .... yes we are both kinda thick headed.. however after i get a few words in on an argument i just stop because i realize that i love her and its unnecessary to react to her comments.. so usually by stopping im usually explaining to her that its unnecessary and that i love her and would rather not argue about some stupid things.... but when she starts calling me a pussy and that im not a man.. lol that **** gets to me and ive never been treated like that.. i just think she has too much pride and gets mad when i start acting calm... usually after i stop arguing with her.. she doesnt talk to me.. and when i try to talk to her normal or tell her that its not worth it to argue she just stars snapping again lol... idk what to do.. because it gets to me and thats where my insecuriity kicks in thinking that i am not making her happy for some reason.... onthe other hand im usually not insecure, howver i let all my pride go for he because im really in love with her.. and we wouldnt work out if i acted with my pride. .. with the partners subject.. i just want to know if she telling th truth or lying to my face.. i dont mind that shes has past partners.. obviously... ive had girlfriends that have had past partners before and it didnt get to me.. this just gets to me because i dont need someone telling me that they wold never lie to me.. be lying in my face about something so stupid that doenst need to be lied about..
Author mike v Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 i have a bad italian attitude.. but ive really managed to let **** go.. so when she keeps arguing it makes me feel bad because ive progressed far with not snapping back with her.. and it seems like its not helping any to stay calm.. it also seems worth fighting back just to not be called a pussy.. thats the worst when your girl starts de-manning your man hood
whichwayisup Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 but when she starts calling me a pussy and that im not a man.. OK, she needs to grow up and BE a wife. The past is the past and it doesn't matter who was with - What counts is the NOW and your marriage.
Author mike v Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 i feel the same way... but just telling her to grown up wont helpp. TRUST ME.. i love her to death though.. and would still do anything to try and keep her happy.. i jst feel like a f'in retard because my inner pride is calling out.. and not just pride.. i feel that she doesnt deserve anything from me when she has me feeling like ****.. however i still do whatever to make her act nice ...and forget why we were arguing (this is not all the time)... we argue sometimes i get jealous sometimes though.. which sparks some of these arguments.. how should i act?.. She gets jelous alot.. like when i go to the gym and the girl at the front desk looks at me.. shes allllways bitching about when i go..and on similar other occasions.. but its ok for her to get jealous.. but when i get jelous im always the bad "jealous freak"
whichwayisup Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 You two need counselling. Probably would have been a good idea before you got married to have pre-marriage counselling, but anyway, if you want your marriage to last, BOTH of you need to grow up and act like mature adults, let go of the ego, the whole who's right who's wrong thing. Remember WHY you two married eachother. This isn't high school anymore and it's not a boyfriend/girlfriend thing anymore either. It's a marriage - Husband and wife - Committment, respect, love, honour, caring, sharing and growing together. As things stand now the petty fights and reactions WILL tear you two apart.
Author mike v Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 thanks,.. yeah i think im going to look into couseling.... idk
Keridan Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I think the counseling is always a good idea. There are rarely any downsides to it. However, I know it can be a lot harder to go when you are young or just married because it's easy to (mistakenly) think it's somehow a failure on your relationship. Mike, I know how you feel. I have had some frustrating problems in my past. Do you talk to her about these things when you are not fighting? Do you have the type of relationship where you feel okay telling her that something hurts your feelings deeply and your pride as well? Sometimes a person just strikes out when angry and doesn't accept any new input. You have to give some space like you do. The thing to remember is you have to find a neutral and safe time/place to bring it up when she is not so upset and tell her how you that made you feel. By the way, I did see a couple things you might want to be aware of in your own behavior. Not things you did wrong, per se, but that you should keep in mind. She may be seeing your relaxing and letting things go as a passive-aggressive maneuver. My mother used to do this to my father when we were younger. She would sit quiet and try to make him look like a jerk for getting upset about something. I'm not saying this is what you are doing, but make sure you are telling her why you are so quiet. Tell her you accept how she feels and are listening, but don't want to provoke things further. The other thing I would note is that you are having trouble trusting her, but you married her. You are too worried if she is lying about past partners when you said you don't even care how many there have been. I can understand why you would be concerned when she makes comments like "You're not a man" or something similar. But you have to assume that she is just striking out. She did marry you, too. Give her the benefit of the doubt on things like this until you have more reason to suspect her of being a liar. It may go a ways in making both of you more comfortable with each other. Mostly this is all a very long winded way of saying that you should be careful how your actions are interpreted and find a way to tell her that what she is doing hurts your feelings and you need it to stop. (Try to make more "I" statements than "you" statements when you approach this! Don't want it to sound like an attack) Good luck to you and I hope you are able to work this out easily!
Author mike v Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 thank you very much for the advice!.. i will now try these things and see how it goes..
porter218 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 and another issue i have is that when we started being togethor she kept telling me that i am her second man she has slept with.. which i doubt.. due to how sexy she is and howmany guys try to get with her.. and she seems sneaky .. so idk what to think?. should i belive her??.. because i dont want to be getting lied to when she tells me this.. so idk what to think.. it just gets to me when i think that she is lying to my face about how many people she slept with.. because she asked me and i told her the hard truth .. lol.. well any suggestions??.. these are two crucial matters in our relationsship. * Are you forgetting that how many guys want to get with her and think she is sexy has absolutely nothing to do with how many guys she found sexy and she wanted to get with? I am a very sexy model and get hit on all the time but by 19 I had only been with 1 man. I am just picky about who I bring into my life. Yes you should beleive her. that number sounds very accurate if she is close to your age.
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