share&care Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Hi, I'm new here and wanted to get your prespective on the so-called heroes of our society. Now, I have the utmost respect for military men, policemen, and fire fighters, but I wonder how often these men use their profession to groom and finally catch that unknowing innocent victim, the OW. I have a friend who recently shared with me that she fell for one of these types. He was going to leave his wife for her, but in the end he was just stringing her along. When the W found out, the OW was cut off faster than you can say hot potato. She was devastated because he was her hero and he claimed to love her so deeply. He was even planning to move cross country for her. She believed every word he said. After all, the entire community trusted this man. I don't want to say all professionals in the "hero" category are cheaters, but for those that do cheat, I think you are irresponsible dogs for taking advantage of your uniform. Thank God my friend is totally over him now.
angie2443 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Hi, I'm new here and wanted to get your prespective on the so-called heroes of our society. Now, I have the utmost respect for military men, policemen, and fire fighters, but I wonder how often these men use their profession to groom and finally catch that unknowing innocent victim, the OW. Just because a man is in the military, police force, or whatever does not make him a hero. I don't know to much about the other professions, but almost anyone can get into the military. Sure, there are plenty of good, intelligent moral men serving in the armed forces. There are also a lot of kids who just didn't know what to do with themselves after highschool and chose the military because it takes care of you (you get fed, clothed and a home). Joining any of these services does not in itself make one a hero. I don't know why so many people are fooled by a uniform.
OWoman Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Hi, I'm new here and wanted to get your prespective on the so-called heroes of our society. Now, I have the utmost respect for military men, policemen, and fire fighters, but I wonder how often these men use their profession to groom and finally catch that unknowing innocent victim, the OW. I have a friend who recently shared with me that she fell for one of these types. He was going to leave his wife for her, but in the end he was just stringing her along. When the W found out, the OW was cut off faster than you can say hot potato. She was devastated because he was her hero and he claimed to love her so deeply. He was even planning to move cross country for her. She believed every word he said. After all, the entire community trusted this man. I don't want to say all professionals in the "hero" category are cheaters, but for those that do cheat, I think you are irresponsible dogs for taking advantage of your uniform. Thank God my friend is totally over him now. OK, I have a theory about this (I have theories about EVERYTHING! ) I can't speak for other countries, but here uniformed service in the defence force, the police, the fire brigade or even private security companies involves putting one's life at risk on a regular basis. And guys who live on the edge get a taste for that intensity. Going home to complacent domesticity might just not cut it for them anymore - perhaps the sex is tepid, perhaps the smell of dirty nappies greeting them as they enter is a downer, or perhaps the sinkful of dirty dishes is what pushes them over the line. They need the excitement and edge to help them feel alive once the adrenalin levels drop off after work. (Though depending on how long the dirty dishes have been in the sink, that could be pretty exciting - and downright risky - too!) When every day might be your last, you want to make damn sure you cram as much living as you can into each day. You want to squeeze the last drop of living out of life, and if that means fitting more than one woman into your life, your heart, your trousers - well, that's part of the deal. When you've had colleagues die alongside you, you know the brevity and fragility of life and you know you've got only this once, and what you miss out on now - you'll be missing out on. So when opportunities present - you're going to grab them with both hands and whatever other appendages are handy. Also, these guys are heroes. They're used to public acclamation and attention, and they're used to that admiring gleam in kids' eyes when they look up to them. Perhaps their W is no longer impressed, perhaps she's used to this paragon of valour and sees him as the guy who takes out the trash and who should have been home half an hour ago and now his food's cold and that's just too bad. Maybe it's machismo, I don't know, as I think something similar applies to women in these kinds of jobs too. But I do wonder if the incidence of As among, say, firefighters is higher than, say, accountants. Anecdotally it would seem so, but perhaps those As just attract more notice because the dashing hero draws more attention naturally than the geek hiding under his spreadsheet.
Author share&care Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 Thanks for your replies. OWoman, I do believe your theory is correct and on target. I feel sorry for women who marry the kind of man who needs that constant adrenaline rush. I would hope that most would find a way to satisfy that need within the M insteas of using it to garner more women only to hurt them too. Angie2443 you are right too. A uniform doesn't fool me but it does fool a lot of women. I wish they would not be so impressed with a uniform.
norajane Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Just because you might trust someone with your life (police, fire, etc.), does not automatically mean you can trust them with your heart. They are men, like any other men, when it's about their penises.
Trialbyfire Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I don't think this necessarily has anything to do with uniforms. If anything, you'll find that there are enough affair situations where the MM plays the part of the knight in shining armour and the OW plays the damsel in distress. Too bad neither one has any honour.
whichwayisup Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 One can't put it ALL on the uniform MM - If an OW knows he's married and believes the crap on a stick he serves her, she is responsible for her part in it. It's a different story if he lies about his marital status though.
Author share&care Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 One can't put it ALL on the uniform MM - If an OW knows he's married and believes the crap on a stick he serves her, she is responsible for her part in it. It's a different story if he lies about his marital status though. My friend researched this a little. One of her friend's friends dated a guy who was on a fire department and and he never told her he was married. She finally caught on and ended it because she does have honor. He got away with it because he spends the night on the job and just told his wife he was working over time. This makes it very easy to cheat, unfortunately. I hate outing these guys and I'm sure they are not all like that.
angie2443 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 OK, I have a theory about this (I have theories about EVERYTHING! ) I can't speak for other countries, but here uniformed service in the defence force, the police, the fire brigade or even private security companies involves putting one's life at risk on a regular basis.. I don't know where you come from, but over here in the U.S., just because you wear a uniform doesn't mean you put your life on the line. I've known many policemen and soldiers who's main work has been to file forms or ticket cars parked in the wrong places. I would agree that some get into the service or the police force for the andventure and choose their work accordingly. Maybe these guys are the ones more likely to cheat.
angie2443 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 My friend researched this a little. One of her friend's friends dated a guy who was on a fire department and and he never told her he was married. She finally caught on and ended it because she does have honor. He got away with it because he spends the night on the job and just told his wife he was working over time. This makes it very easy to cheat, unfortunately. I hate outing these guys and I'm sure they are not all like that. I agree that certain jobs make cheating easiar.
Trialbyfire Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I'm still not convinced it's job related in any way. If you're a cheater, you will cheat, regardless of occupation. All it takes is the O/T and/or hanging with your buddies, lie. Unless you're an overly-controlling BW, you're going to trust that what they say, is true.
Owl Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I think cheating (especially for men) can be somewhat job related. Some jobs REQUIRE a huge ego, or create one in the course of doing the job. Police officer comes to mind. Police REQUIRE civilians to obey them. They have a tremendous amount of authority, and a huge ability to mete out punishment to those that they choose to do so. Doctors also get that huge "ego". So both of those jobs create a huge ego...create people that are used to getting what they want immediately...create people who are convinced that what they want, they're 'needs' are higher priority than anyone else's...and also provide ample opportunity to cheat as well. Soldiers don't tend to get that 'ego'...but they do find themselves seperated from their spouses far more than most other jobs. And since the military is made up of women AND men...the opportunity to cheat and get away with it is HUGE. I think the military coined the phrase "geographical batchelor". Talk to anyone who's done a tour in Korea.
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 The uniform doesn’t make the man ... it’s the man underneath who makes the uniform. Sadly, when it comes to showing and/or even demanding ‘respect’, that’s where you’ll find most people have trouble understanding the difference.
Author share&care Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 The uniform doesn’t make the man ... it’s the man underneath who makes the uniform. Sadly, when it comes to showing and/or even demanding ‘respect’, that’s where you’ll find most people have trouble understanding the difference. I believe this to be true. Just like priests don't become molesters, molesters become priests because they know the Church will protect them. Not bashing Catholics in any way, just making a comparison. I do think that cheaters pick their profession if they already know they're on the track of that lifestyle. They know it will be easy to get away with it.
GreenEyedLady Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I don't think it matters what the person's profession is. If they have the opportunity and inclination, and a willing participant, then they'll cheat no matter what their career is. What percentage of the population has a career spent in uniform? And what percentage of the population cheats?
Trialbyfire Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Anyone know the stats on uniform type cheaters v. office cheaters. I don't but my guess would be that there's a much higher rate of office affairs, than men who aren't in constant contact with women throughout the day...
OpenBook Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 What about men who wear uniforms to the office? Do you count them twice?
Lizzie60 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Hi, I'm new here and wanted to get your prespective on the so-called heroes of our society. Now, I have the utmost respect for military men, policemen, and fire fighters, but I wonder how often these men use their profession to groom and finally catch that unknowing innocent victim, the OW. I have a friend who recently shared with me that she fell for one of these types. He was going to leave his wife for her, but in the end he was just stringing her along. When the W found out, the OW was cut off faster than you can say hot potato. She was devastated because he was her hero and he claimed to love her so deeply. He was even planning to move cross country for her. She believed every word he said. After all, the entire community trusted this man. I don't want to say all professionals in the "hero" category are cheaters, but for those that do cheat, I think you are irresponsible dogs for taking advantage of your uniform. Thank God my friend is totally over him now. I have to agree with you, to some degree, these men know that their uniform is a form of power... and trust me.. they use it. A very good friend of mine worked all her life in a police department, and she said, that ALL of them were cheaters.. ALL of them.. They were trying all the younger female staff.. a lot hit on her... A friend of a friend was a policeman (single) and he had a different woman every single night.. and the things he told me.. he was a 'pig'.. I feel even more sad for women who fall for the 'uniform' ...
Author share&care Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 I have to agree with you, to some degree, these men know that their uniform is a form of power... and trust me.. they use it. A very good friend of mine worked all her life in a police department, and she said, that ALL of them were cheaters.. ALL of them.. They were trying all the younger female staff.. a lot hit on her... A friend of a friend was a policeman (single) and he had a different woman every single night.. and the things he told me.. he was a 'pig'.. I feel even more sad for women who fall for the 'uniform' ... I do too. I wonder how many women at LS have fallen for men in uniform and are willing to share their story? Just don't give TMI.
OWoman Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 I do too. I wonder how many women at LS have fallen for men in uniform and are willing to share their story? Just don't give TMI. Wasn't Gwyn's MM a train conductor?
OWoman Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Soldiers don't tend to get that 'ego'.... Owl I suspect that that depends on rank! I grew up in a military household and have seen more than enough "ego" - or downright arrogance - among military types! Perhaps not the straight-from-school conscript, who's systematically depersonalised for the first six months of basic training to turn him into an egoless killing machine, but from "permanent force" members (career soldiers, sailors, pilots etc). Here, inclusion of women into the military was a relatively recent thing, but even in the old days when there were no women soldiers, sailors etc those guys still found plenty of opportunities. There were always "civvies" who'd work in admin jobs around the place at base, and the "LPs" (local population) when on tours of duty elsewhere. Even on submaries - quite possibly the most isolated - the guys made a plan, hence the old idiom "a vice-admiral's vice is a rear-admiral's rear". My uncle was a firefighter. In those days, there were no women firefighters (there are still almost none here). So... not surrounded by opportunity at work, then? Ah, but what about Mrs Jones, always phoning about her cat stuck up a tree? My uncle had a good thing going with Mrs Jones - and don't think my aunt didn't know, but it went with the turf, all the guys were doing it, so she smiled for the camera and just got on with things.
OWoman Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Hmmm. I think more women looking to step out (and assuming they pick specific targets) would go for powerful, highly educated, wealthy men than for cops, firefighters and military dudes. Not to diminish what they do but that is basically blue collar work that anyone could do if they wanted to, and it doesn't pay all that well. Not that it would bother me - I am definitely not a gold digger and am neither powerful nor wealthy. Just sayin' - I have to agree with you, to some degree, these men know that their uniform is a form of power... and trust me.. they use it. Wasn't it Henry Kissinger who said power was a potent aphrodisiac? I think WHAT (and, relatedly, WHO) attracts women depends on what they're looking for and under what conditions. Many, if not most, of the OW here are "accidental" OWs who didn't actively seek an A. It just kind of happened to them. Yes, in some cases markers of "power" can add to that mystique, and that sense of attractiveness (whether it's knowledge, wealth, positional power, fame or physical strength kind of power) which persuades a woman to respond to the advances of a MM. But in other cases there are different dynamics at work - some are EAs that mutate into PAs where the R started as a friendship, not necessarily the heady hormonal mix of attractiveness and desire. In those cases the MMs may be on the other side of the power dynamic - going through a rough time at home or at work, really struggling and reaching out to the OW for support... And of course in cases where the MM is not upfront about being M (or downright lies about it) the basis of the attraction would be no different than any other woman falling for any other guy. As a predatory OW who has actively considered and singled out her targets, I can't say I've ever been drawn to guys in uniform. Partly having grown up around them and having negative associations, partly because my innate anarchism rejects anything that regimented and partly because of structural issues - the demands of those kinds of jobs would not allow the MM to be available to me in the way I would want, so he would not be a contender.
Owl Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Owl I suspect that that depends on rank! I grew up in a military household and have seen more than enough "ego" - or downright arrogance - among military types! Perhaps not the straight-from-school conscript, who's systematically depersonalised for the first six months of basic training to turn him into an egoless killing machine, but from "permanent force" members (career soldiers, sailors, pilots etc). I suspect that your military must work drastically differently than mine.
The Collector Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 'Heroes' or not, in my experience women aren't overly gagging for a cop, firefighter or soldier. These types are often the most confused about why their chosen profession isn't resulting in high female interest compared to the charming bad boys or lazy bums that get all the chicks.
Author share&care Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 Wasn't Gwyn's MM a train conductor? Does a train conductor have hero status? I wonder what Gwyn would say?
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