justaman99 Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I mean we usually never talked before we were dating either. I'm not sure if its worth being friends after a break up especially how she found someone else so quickly. I felt kind of like all the time we spent together meant nothing. Ask yourself what value she would have as a friend? Ask yourself if you can be friends with her. This means you can go out to partys, grab a drink, go to a game, and you would be ok if she was with her dude. I can probably answer these questions for you but from my perspective, there can't be a friendship here. She also didn't have serious feelings for you based on the fact that she found someone else so fast. If she did care, she would have needed time to get over you. She's just saying this crap so she can have you close by when she needs you (selfish) and/or because she feels guilty.
confused and broken Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 in my opinion being friends after a break up is NEVER a good idea and rarely if ever works
Yamaha Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 If you still hv feelings then staying friends is a bad idea. The one with feelings will just get hurt as they are probably wishing for more. If enough time as past that you only feel platonic towards each other then maybe you can be friends but by then you both hv found other interests so what is the point?
justaman99 Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 in my opinion being friends after a break up is NEVER a good idea and rarely if ever works It's worked very well for me with my ex ex. We are good friends today and hang out every now and then. She has a dude and I have no problem with that at all. I have absolutely zero feelings for her romantically and I even help her when she needs some advice when it comes to understanding guys. It's actually pretty cool. I used to think men could never be very close friends with women without one or the other having stronger feelings and I used to think being friends with an ex is impossible but well, it isn't. My ex surely didn't like me being friends with my ex. I was on the fence about that one. I understood her insecurity around it and would feel the same if i was in her shoes but at the same time we were just friends. It kinda sucked because she said I can't talk to her anymore.
FireStillBurning Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 I think that if you had been friends before the break-up then it would be a lot easier to stay friends. However, if you had never been friends before your relationship then you two have never known how to be just friends. I think it is much harder to develop a friendship from something that was purely a relationship-but it can happen. I had a very similar situation to yours-my boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me, and within a month he was with another girl. Although we broke up on good terms, and had agreed to be friends, I really do think its easier said than done-after all I hardly wanted to see him with this other girl. In this case, I think it might be best to just break ties with this girl and move on with your life. The other problem with staying friends is that it is easy to begin to hope that perhaps you will get back together-its difficult to draw a line between friendship and something more if you still like her in the romantic sense. However, if you think you could still keep some sort of relationship with her-and that you think it would be beneficial, and not make you want more-then do. There is no point losing a potential friend just because you once dated.
confused and broken Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Sometimes both of you and your ex can handle being friends, but usually there are always complications with other people in your lives ie new bfs/gfs. It becomes a complex situation, and when you think about it empathetically then its really quite simple it is hard to feel great about your bf/gf still being friends with their ex.
Dolorian Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 I have to agree with some of few. I just got out of a relationship (she dumped me) 2 months ago. We were best friends and did everything together. Her family loved me and she told me several times that I've been the best thing that has happened her to her in a while and God let us together. In a way, I agree. For this exact reason, she wants us to remain close friends. We text or call each other every day, but man it's awkward. I still have deep feelings for this girl, but as far as I can see she's kinda back together with her ex-boyfriend. I never really understood why they are so attached to each other all of a sudden again, because he'll be leaving for China in a few days. For two months! And guess what, I can tell you right now that she'll be calling me to hang out again as soon as he's gone. Because I have still feelings for her I'll tell her that it wouldn't be a good idea to hang out for a while. As much as it hurts, it's the only reasonable solution for me. Some users might say I'm in the anger phase and that's probably true. How dare she goes back together with her ex? I mean even if it's just on a platonic level? I told her once that if she's hanging with him it would hurt me a lot because it makes what we had just a fluke. How does she expect me to be close/best friends when she hooks up with her ex? It's not healthy for me to be around her for now. If she wants me back, she has to fight. I won't fall for her again easily.
movingonandon Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Hello. My ex broke up with me for some other guy. We had a long distance relationship for a little longer than a year. I came to visit over the summer and then saw my family etc. I have been doing no contact for a month. I deleted her on facebook. She wrote me an email asking me if this means we are not friends in any way. I'm not sure if I can be friends with her, I mean we usually never talked before we were dating either. I'm not sure if its worth being friends after a break up especially how she found someone else so quickly. I felt kind of like all the time we spent together meant nothing. I don't see why I should give friendship a chance when she didn't give me a chance. Any ideas? I'm on the fence here. I loved her and she hurt me. I haven't read the responses to this, but I suspect that many of them say this: "Hell, no!" Think about it - what is the point of that? It will only give her the satisfaction of knowing what you do, and thus kinda keep you around. What do you get? An ilusion of closeness that is just a parody of what you used to have. For me that would be humiliating, but that's just me.
Author ohwhyme Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 Thats a good point. The majority is saying a huge hell no. Thanks for the help. I've getting on a lot better without her. I don't even want to know what shes doing anymore. Looking outside, there are plenty of girls out there. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?
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