t_veron Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Lying by omission is wrong and breeds distrust. It comes off like "I know what you need and don't need to know" with a dash of chicken $h!t sprinkled on top. And thats at any age. You bet! And conflict-avoidance continues to get you covered in cow poo! I agree lying is wrong all around including ommission but this is a stupid thing to break up about especially at their age. If she and you ladies have that much baggage about something so trivial then clearly he needs to dump her because I see serious drama when real issues in life happen. I would have a hard time believing you two have never gone out with the girls and had a guy flirt with you and you left that out of the conversation with a boyfriend. How many times did you ladies do something that was harmless and at the risk of hurting his feelings left it out of the conversation. They're NOT married and are dating so put everything into perspective and don't be so judgemental. If both are young they are both going to do stupid things as they mature... so what. As long as there's nothing serious like cheating the little things don't matter. There was nothing wrong done here so give the guy some slack and encourage him and her to work things out instead of beat on him. It's these kinds unrealistic expectations of women for guys to be perfect yet they themselves are not that is causing so much friction. We all want the same thing so show him some compassion and encourage him.
Author mikal05 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 thanx for all the input guys. and i know theres no other guy in the mix or i would know trust me lol...she just got really spooked because she was even mad at me before that party...even before i knew about the strippers...but what i wuld give to turn back time and just say no to my friends... i know not telling the truth is wrong...but we all make mistakes...maybe i was immature to think that she would never find out and life would go on peachy...well it didnt and know im working my ass off to get her back...i hope she realizes that i never meant to hurt her
t_veron Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 thanx for all the input guys. and i know theres no other guy in the mix or i would know trust me lol...she just got really spooked because she was even mad at me before that party...even before i knew about the strippers...but what i wuld give to turn back time and just say no to my friends... i know not telling the truth is wrong...but we all make mistakes...maybe i was immature to think that she would never find out and life would go on peachy...well it didnt and know im working my ass off to get her back...i hope she realizes that i never meant to hurt her She'll realize it but don't expect it to be quick. Don't over-appologize because the more you do the more it will reinforce her that you did something wrong and you are acknowledging she's right. No one is right here this is too small to fight over so stand your ground stop apologizing. But do let her know how you feel about her and you'll stand by her while she figures things out. She needs security that's all. Good luck bro.
sally4sara Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 I agree lying is wrong all around including ommission but this is a stupid thing to break up about especially at their age. If she and you ladies have that much baggage about something so trivial then clearly he needs to dump her because I see serious drama when real issues in life happen. /quote] As an ex stripper, I don't have any issues about my guy viewing them so you can stop jumping to conclusions there. I still think she had justified reason to dump him. Trust is a big deal and there is no point in waffling around in a relationship where you can't trust your partner. We don't know how many times this has been his style in their relationship. If it was just the once, then yeah it might seem a bit extreme, but that is her choice. If he has always handled things like this, she was probably fed up and gave up. Or you could be totally right and she's just a dumb drama queen......that got lied to.
Author mikal05 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 i just talked to her and she said she doesnt know if shell take me back she cant say cuz shes never been like this like non forgiving...i guess shes never felt this way. I hope its just those anger hormones and hopefully it goes away cuz i cant take another day not being with her...ugh..!
vivrantflo Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Regardless.. her jumping ship like that and saying that she needs time to herself.. and that they should talk as friends tells ME, that there's another guy involved. I think she's used the "lying by ommission" reason to get out, and explore something new.. firmly placing Mikal05 as plan B.. hence the being friends speech. Just because you don't think she could have interest in another guy, doesn't mean it's not possible.. You've been warned...
porter218 Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I would have a hard time believing you two have never gone out with the girls and had a guy flirt with you and you left that out of the conversation with a boyfriend. How many times did you ladies do something that was harmless and at the risk of hurting his feelings left it out of the conversation. They're NOT married and are dating so put everything into perspective and don't be so judgemental. If both are young they are both going to do stupid things as they mature... so what. As long as there's nothing serious like cheating the little things don't matter. There was nothing wrong done here so give the guy some slack and encourage him and her to work things out instead of beat on him. It's these kinds unrealistic expectations of women for guys to be perfect yet they themselves are not that is causing so much friction. We all want the same thing so show him some compassion and encourage him. How many times?....Never. I never omit things like that out of conversation. I feel like when you leave something of that nature out of conversation with your SO it is like saying you are guilty of something. I lay it all on the table, and always 100% honest.
Trialbyfire Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 I agree lying is wrong all around including ommission but this is a stupid thing to break up about especially at their age. If she and you ladies have that much baggage about something so trivial then clearly he needs to dump her because I see serious drama when real issues in life happen. I would have a hard time believing you two have never gone out with the girls and had a guy flirt with you and you left that out of the conversation with a boyfriend. How many times did you ladies do something that was harmless and at the risk of hurting his feelings left it out of the conversation. They're NOT married and are dating so put everything into perspective and don't be so judgemental. If both are young they are both going to do stupid things as they mature... so what. As long as there's nothing serious like cheating the little things don't matter. There was nothing wrong done here so give the guy some slack and encourage him and her to work things out instead of beat on him. It's these kinds unrealistic expectations of women for guys to be perfect yet they themselves are not that is causing so much friction. We all want the same thing so show him some compassion and encourage him. Anything I've done have been things I would do in front of my SO. If he has issues with it, it's up to him to express them. No one can know boundaries or expectations without a discussion about them. She clearly stated her boundaries, he chose to lie by omission to avoid conflict with either his friends or with his g/f. Better he have been direct with her and shut her down in advance. Of course this means that he risks a conflict which could mean the end of the relationship anyways but hey, realistically speaking, there's no such thing as a safe harbour.
Author mikal05 Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 well now she is txtin me again. And i dont just get it if she needs time for herself why is still talking to me...its like shes playing with my emotions...she sent a pic message on my phone that was a pic of a stuffed animal i gave her a while back and she said it looked sad...like stuff like that ya know i just dont get...she said shes thinking of taking me back but it could be months??? i just dont get her... why would she still be talking to me normal if she is so mad at me???
vivrantflo Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 Regardless.. her jumping ship like that and saying that she needs time to herself.. and that they should talk as friends tells ME, that there's another guy involved. I think she's used the "lying by ommission" reason to get out, and explore something new.. firmly placing Mikal05 as plan B.. hence the being friends speech. Very rarely do I ever quote myself, cause it appears vain... but you're not listening...... well now she is txtin me again. And i dont just get it if she needs time for herself why is still talking to me...its like shes playing with my emotions...she sent a pic message on my phone that was a pic of a stuffed animal i gave her a while back and she said it looked sad...like stuff like that ya know i just dont get...she said shes thinking of taking me back but it could be months??? i just dont get her... why would she still be talking to me normal if she is so mad at me??? You want to know why?? Ok, I will break it down to you. She's texting you again, cause she wants to keep you at arms reach. Meaning, she wants to know that IF she wants you back, she can have you. So she does those little things to keep you loving her and keep you attached. So the stuffed animal thing she played on you worked.. it's keeping you around. THEN, she says that she's thinkin of taking you back, but after a few months. Open your eyes my man. If a woman wants you, she's not gonna want to spend months away from you. It's either she wants you yes, or she doesn't want you no. She wants months away from you, because as I stated earlier.. you are now Plan B. Time to herself?? Dude, she's 18. It's not like she's about to embark on a 6 month tour of the world, so she can find her "inner self" and figure out what she wants in life. She just wants to bang another guy. Mark my words, there's another guy she's interested in, and she wants time to see if this guy is worth pursuing. If he isn't, she'll want you back, and if he is she won't be.
Author mikal05 Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 its funny cuz her parents are really controllive so even if she wanted to bang other guys she wouldnt be able too...lol...
Author mikal05 Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 or it could be she doesnt wanna give up real easy ya know i think she thinks if she takes me back shed seem weak and id win cuz i got what i wanted so shes keeping me on the edge of my seat by saying "i dont know"" maybe" "it might take a while"... ya know...and i think if i started ignoring her more and acting like its not hurting me as much no more she would come runnning back cuz then she'll realize well **** i didnt want it to go that far
Author mikal05 Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 Very rarely do I ever quote myself, cause it appears vain... but you're not listening...... You want to know why?? Ok, I will break it down to you. She's texting you again, cause she wants to keep you at arms reach. Meaning, she wants to know that IF she wants you back, she can have you. So she does those little things to keep you loving her and keep you attached. So the stuffed animal thing she played on you worked.. it's keeping you around. THEN, she says that she's thinkin of taking you back, but after a few months. Open your eyes my man. If a woman wants you, she's not gonna want to spend months away from you. It's either she wants you yes, or she doesn't want you no. She wants months away from you, because as I stated earlier.. you are now Plan B. Time to herself?? Dude, she's 18. It's not like she's about to embark on a 6 month tour of the world, so she can find her "inner self" and figure out what she wants in life. She just wants to bang another guy. Mark my words, there's another guy she's interested in, and she wants time to see if this guy is worth pursuing. If he isn't, she'll want you back, and if he is she won't be. and the reason i dont believe that other guy thing is because there is no other guy. weve only been broken up for not even a week. and trust me i know everything about this girl...her parents never let her go out only with her good friends and she cant even go out past like 9...so thats how i know she wouldnt even have the opportunity to be doing sumtin like that..
Author mikal05 Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 oh and also i even asked her...if its done 4 ever? are we just completeley giving up? and she just said she dont wanna answer that cuz she dont want to regret anything.
justaman99 Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 There's another guy somewhere. Whether at school, after school, at work. There is an interest in someone......flo is most likely right. Try not to be so naive and consider the possibility. -just
Author mikal05 Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 eh? i even asked her if this was because she wnted to be with other guys and she said thats the last thing on her mind right now? so idk..
Author mikal05 Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 **** it yo i aint even trippin no more if she wants to be with me she'll come back...if she wants to leave more power to her...lol i be just chillin single anyways.. **** any girl...well not really but yeah more freedom to do ****...anyways...i really did love this girl...and if she comes back id be happy.but if she doesnt... i still be happy...
porter218 Posted June 29, 2008 Posted June 29, 2008 There's another guy somewhere. Whether at school, after school, at work. There is an interest in someone......flo is most likely right. Try not to be so naive and consider the possibility. -just OMG what is wrong with you guys? I really doubt that it has anything to do with another guy. It sounds like she is conflicted about the fact that she loves him very much but is hurting because of what he did. When a woman is hurting like that the last thing on her mind is another man. what you guys are doing is trying to put a male mentality on a woman...it doesn't work.
Author mikal05 Posted June 29, 2008 Author Posted June 29, 2008 OMG what is wrong with you guys? I really doubt that it has anything to do with another guy. It sounds like she is conflicted about the fact that she loves him very much but is hurting because of what he did. When a woman is hurting like that the last thing on her mind is another man. what you guys are doing is trying to put a male mentality on a woman...it doesn't work. i think that seems more like it cuz i know my baby and i know how she gets hurt...and i really took her for granted this time...she even said when she gets hurt she puts up a wall and its really hard to break down again...and i asked her if she wanted me to take a bracelet off that she gave me and she said "NO! lol do what you want but dont throw it away" so its stuff like that that tells me she wants to try and fix stuff...but afraid that i wont change...this stripper incident wasnt why we broke up it was just like the cherry that topped it off...throug out our realationship i was always angry n stuff basically at myself and i took it out on her...
vivrantflo Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 OMG what is wrong with you guys? I really doubt that it has anything to do with another guy. It sounds like she is conflicted about the fact that she loves him very much but is hurting because of what he did. When a woman is hurting like that the last thing on her mind is another man. what you guys are doing is trying to put a male mentality on a woman...it doesn't work. A male mentality??? Tell that to about 95% of the men on this very site.. whom are asking the question "How can my ex move on so fast after the breakup??" How the hell can you say "it doesn't work"? Look around on this site, and READ posts by men.. you'll see. Mikal, just because you asked her if there's other men, she's not going to tell you. That's counter-productive to her goal.. and that's to have you as the back up plan. Remember, this chick is 18 years old. You REALLY think that by her saying she wants time to herself, she really wants to chill out with JUST her girls?? No male contact at all?? Being naive like that, aids in getting hurt really bad. Dont just take the posts that sound good to you, and take those at face value.. you need to open up ALL possible scenerios of what could be happening. Go around this site, and ask MEN.. what the lines "I need time to myself" REALLY mean.
Author mikal05 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 A male mentality??? Tell that to about 95% of the men on this very site.. whom are asking the question "How can my ex move on so fast after the breakup??" How the hell can you say "it doesn't work"? Look around on this site, and READ posts by men.. you'll see. Mikal, just because you asked her if there's other men, she's not going to tell you. That's counter-productive to her goal.. and that's to have you as the back up plan. Remember, this chick is 18 years old. You REALLY think that by her saying she wants time to herself, she really wants to chill out with JUST her girls?? No male contact at all?? Being naive like that, aids in getting hurt really bad. Dont just take the posts that sound good to you, and take those at face value.. you need to open up ALL possible scenerios of what could be happening. Go around this site, and ask MEN.. what the lines "I need time to myself" REALLY mean. yeah well shes doing a good job of hiding it if she is lol...but like i said she said she wanted time to think and heal from this cuz we kinda had a rocky relationship...but idk...
sedgwick Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Are you both very, very young? I can't imagine this kind of behavior on her part otherwise. Ah yes...just saw the 18 part. Really, this just sounds like a case of "not very much life experience? to me!
vivrantflo Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 yeah well shes doing a good job of hiding it if she is lol...but like i said she said she wanted time to think and heal from this cuz we kinda had a rocky relationship...but idk... Dude, in no way is this a case of myself, or other posters beating our chests, proclaiming whom is right, and whom is wrong. As a normal poster, just like everyone else on here, I try to give the best advise possible.. and I derive my advise through life experiences, and situations I've read on this site. Just be open to ALL possibilities. I personally believe she has interest in someone else, but regardless if I'm right or wrong... she doesn't want the relationship right now.. and it's in your best interest to move on from her. Perform NC, and make HER decision final by doing that. Only then she would reconsider, IF she's on the fence about taking you back. If she has interest in someone else, you dont want to know. Just live your life with the impression she isn't coming back. If she does, it's a sweet bonus. Good luck
justaman99 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 OMG what is wrong with you guys? I really doubt that it has anything to do with another guy. It sounds like she is conflicted about the fact that she loves him very much but is hurting because of what he did. When a woman is hurting like that the last thing on her mind is another man. what you guys are doing is trying to put a male mentality on a woman...it doesn't work. All we're saying is be open to the possibility and not be so closed minded about it. In cases like this the odds are there IS another guy or at least the interest of one and I'm a betting man and put my money on the better odds.
porter218 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 All we're saying is be open to the possibility and not be so closed minded about it. In cases like this the odds are there IS another guy or at least the interest of one and I'm a betting man and put my money on the better odds. I understand what you guys are saying. That is why I said " doubt it", not that it is impossable. All I am saying is this is not common for women to jump into another man while they are dealing with pain from another relationship, a lot of us do want time alone to decide if we can move on with the relationship or end it. and flo, I have been reading the other posts on here by men. What you are confusing here is that a lot of them are talking about their gf/wife/fiance leaving with no visible reason then jumping into bed with another man. This girl had a reason and makes the likely-hood of their being another man MUCH less. And makes her need for time more understandable. Trust me, I am very quick to jump to the conclusion that there is someone else is in the mix( you have seen my other posts, you know)....but I am also a very good judge of people.
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