mikal05 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Me and my gf of 2 yrs recently broke up with me. She did it because she found out that strippers were at my friends bday party at my house and I didnt do anything to stop it. The reason i didnt stop the planning of getting them was because I didnt want to spoil the fun of the night for my other friends. I didnt put any money in or anything. I just watched. And it wasnt even nothing. But she found out and now she says that she cant trust me. She says she needs some time to herself...but she says she still loves me. Whenever I ask her if she will forgive me she says idk maybe...how long do you think itll take her to take me back...ive been really sincere about this and I have apologized so many times and I know I wont ever lie to her again...she says she call me still but just as friends for a while at least... My question I guess is Do you think she'll take me back and just needs time to herself to think it over...or is she done with me for good?
quankanne Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 it's never a smart thing to lie – by omission or commission – when you've got someone's trust, and I imagine she's hurt more by the fact that you've covered something up. if you're serious about this girl, give her the space she requests so she can get things straight in her head. Don't bug her by continually apologizing (because that only makes you appear even more guilty, or worse, as sucking up because you got in trouble), but just let her be. as for the strippers, I can see both sides – you really weren't in a position to do anything about THEM, but knowing that they were a bone of contention in your relationship with your GF, you could have easily excused yourself from the party so that you weren't around them. And that's probably why she's upset with you, that you didn't have respect enough for her to just walk out of that party. like I said, if you have any kind of respect for this girl, give her the space she needs to work through this. It could make the difference in helping her see that you're really a trust-worthy guy and that you weren't trying to hurt her by staying at the party.
Paralyzed Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 That is stupid. A woman should realize that if you don't want your man to cheat, one of the safest placest for him to go is a strip club. The women only want your cash. They aren't interested in you. Sounds to me like she is using it as a reason to duck out of the relationship. If it really did make her angry, she should just calm down and forgive you...if she loves you of course. It all sounds very controlling to me.
Author mikal05 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 well we both are kind of jelous ppl and i can see her getting really jelous over sumtin like that. But I mean it was nothing. An she didnt use this as an exit...we had sumtin too good going on and her herself would never want to break up with me...I think i just lost her trust by trying to cover something up...which I would never do again...i guess the only thing to do is let time heal her jelousy and feeling of betrayal and hopefully things will be stronger in the end..
blind_otter Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 well we both are kind of jelous ppl and i can see her getting really jelous over sumtin like that. But I mean it was nothing. An she didnt use this as an exit...we had sumtin too good going on and her herself would never want to break up with me...I think i just lost her trust by trying to cover something up...which I would never do again...i guess the only thing to do is let time heal her jelousy and feeling of betrayal and hopefully things will be stronger in the end.. I agree with quankanne. This is probably more about the lies you used to cover up the truth, rather than the stripper issue. Ultimately, whether she returns to you or not is up to her. Some people feel that - once their partner outright lies to them, they can never really trust them after that. Other people can forgive.
porter218 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 That is stupid. A woman should realize that if you don't want your man to cheat, one of the safest placest for him to go is a strip club. The women only want your cash. They aren't interested in you. Sounds to me like she is using it as a reason to duck out of the relationship. If it really did make her angry, she should just calm down and forgive you...if she loves you of course. It all sounds very controlling to me. :laugh:LOL. My husband cheated at a strip club and caught chlamydia there. My ex girlfriend worked at a strip club and a long time ago I did too, there is soooo ,much dirty sh*t going on in a lot of strip clubs. And strippers coming to a private residence is even more dangerous, more than half of those women are strippers/hookers.
Author mikal05 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 yeah like i said i didnt even want the strippers there... my friends did... and i didnt want to spoil there fun...i guess i didnt want to seem whipped...but now i wish i would have stood up and did the right thing for my sake at least...And now im miserable cuz she meant the world to me...but deep down inside i know she'll come back...she has to and i think she knows it too...
Refrain Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Better to loose her now, word man! You did nothing wrong. WTF is her problem?
quankanne Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 mikal, she doesn't "have" to give y'alls relationship a second chance just because you think she should. She'll do so because she realizes that she's willing to trust you again. no one likes being in a place where they're continually questioning their partner over issues of trust. And if you're serious about this girl, you should respect this desire to trust you, not cover your azz with lies because you don't want to get into trouble, it just doesn't pay off in the end. Besides, it's a pretty sweet feeling knowing that you have the freedom to do things without worry because you know your partner trusts you, and you see others having to check in at every instance – or forfeit doing things – because they've lied to their partners about what they were doing.
porter218 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 refrain -he did lie to her.. in most peoples book that is wrong mikal05- did she already tell you that she didn't want you to have strippers? And did you spend the night with her after this party ? That whole not wanting to seem whipped mentality is BS, if you are in a relationship you should respect the boundaries of it and not give a damn what other people think.
Trialbyfire Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 mikal, how would you feel if she lied to you one night, told you she was too tired to go out with you, but then you later found out she went clubbing, instead? What's your first assumption? Something shady going on...
Author mikal05 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 refrain -he did lie to her.. in most peoples book that is wrong mikal05- did she already tell you that she didn't want you to have strippers? And did you spend the night with her after this party ? That whole not wanting to seem whipped mentality is BS, if you are in a relationship you should respect the boundaries of it and not give a damn what other people think. no we never talked about it...and i guess the only reason why i didnt stop my friends from ordering them was because i didnt want to spoil there night...ya know...i know i should just went in the other room but ppl make mistakes..and now im paying for mine. and no i didnt spend the night with her she still lives with her parents im 20 and shes 18... and yeah you are right about the whipped part...i have some work to do on my self esteem issues to...
Author mikal05 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 mikal, how would you feel if she lied to you one night, told you she was too tired to go out with you, but then you later found out she went clubbing, instead? What's your first assumption? Something shady going on... buts it not like i knew there were gonna be strippers it was all an impulse decision that put me in a wierd position and i couldnt really say no...it was at my house so...yeah i would be pretty mad if she saw some strippers. but i would def give her another chance...
Trialbyfire Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 buts it not like i knew there were gonna be strippers it was all an impulse decision that put me in a wierd position and i couldnt really say no...it was at my house so...yeah i would be pretty mad if she saw some strippers. but i would def give her another chance... In my example, I didn't say she was seeing strippers. It was intended to be ambiguous with the potential for just about anything, including finding a ONS. Anways, I took the position I did, due to this: The reason i didnt stop the planning of getting them was because I didnt want to spoil the fun of the night for my other friends. It sounded like you were aware they were planning it in advance.
vivrantflo Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 She says she needs some time to herself...but she says she still loves me. Careful, whenever I hear or see this line, it usually means that there's another guy in the mix. She may be using this stripper thing as a way out. I have apologized so many times and I know I wont ever lie to her again...she says she call me still but just as friends for a while at least... I may have missed it, but what did you lie to her about? And if she's so pissed off at you, why is she offering to call you? And only as friends?? Really starting to think there's another guy involved.
vivrantflo Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 and i guess the only reason why i didnt stop my friends from ordering them was because i didnt want to spoil there night...ya know...i know i should just went in the other room but ppl make mistakes..and now im paying for mine. What mistake did you make? Can someone show me where Mikal05 lied to his woman? I read the posts over twice and may have missed it twice?? And it's understandible that you didn't prevent the party from having strippers. Why ruin the night? And why should you have gone into another room?? You're not "allowed" to look?? In your house?? What is she angry at exactly?? I'm failing to see what the problem is here!!!!! shes 18... Never mind.
Trialbyfire Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 vivrantflo, lying by omission is still lying. Instead of being conflict avoidant, he should have just told her it was happening upfront and shut her down.
sid3 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 It sounds like V may be right. The only time I ever heard that line it did mean there was interest in someone besides me. Add the as friends line and it gets even worse. Agree with T as well, lieing is bad regardless of how it happens. Nice pic T, yum!
Lizzie60 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Me and my gf of 2 yrs recently broke up with me. She did it because she found out that strippers were at my friends bday party at my house and I didnt do anything to stop it. The reason i didnt stop the planning of getting them was because I didnt want to spoil the fun of the night for my other friends. I didnt put any money in or anything. I just watched. And it wasnt even nothing. But she found out and now she says that she cant trust me. She says she needs some time to herself...but she says she still loves me. Whenever I ask her if she will forgive me she says idk maybe...how long do you think itll take her to take me back...ive been really sincere about this and I have apologized so many times and I know I wont ever lie to her again...she says she call me still but just as friends for a while at least... My question I guess is Do you think she'll take me back and just needs time to herself to think it over...or is she done with me for good? You know... my philosophy about this kind of question.. is this : always.. always ask you what you would do if the table was turned around.. how would YOU feel if she was in HER house with a bunch of male dancers and her girlfriends... then you'll get your answer.. pretty much. MY motto has always been: what's good for one HAS to be good for the other... Will she take you back.. NO one here has a clue..
vivrantflo Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 vivrantflo, lying by omission is still lying. Instead of being conflict avoidant, he should have just told her it was happening upfront and shut her down. Very true... I now see the light.. always.. always ask you what you would do if the table was turned around.. how would YOU feel if she was in HER house with a bunch of male dancers and her girlfriends... then you'll get your answer.. pretty much. Ok, I kinda see that. I'd be a little inquisitive as to why she wouldn't tell me that those events were transpiring. But I don't think it warrants dumping anyone. Regardless.. her jumping ship like that and saying that she needs time to herself.. and that they should talk as friends tells ME, that there's another guy involved. I think she's used the "lying by ommission" reason to get out, and explore something new.. firmly placing Mikal05 as plan B.. hence the being friends speech.
porter218 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 It sounds like V may be right. The only time I ever heard that line it did mean there was interest in someone besides me. Add the as friends line and it gets even worse. Agree with T as well, lieing is bad regardless of how it happens. Nice pic T, yum! Well I have used this line and meant it, and there was nobody else. In fact it was 6 months before I even opened myself up to dating again, so she could very well be hurt about the stripper incident and nothing more. Especially because he didn't even end the night with her, it is hard for her to know what really went down because she wasn't there and wasn't even with him later that night. Taking her age into account she may not be coming back. If I were to put myself in her position I might do the same thing. I don't trust anything that happens around strippers, there is just too much shady sh*t that can happen...especially if it happened at my mans house. If it were to have happened at a club that I knew for a fact had a clean reputation I would be mad but i would get over it. This on the other hand not so much.
Trialbyfire Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 It sounds like V may be right. The only time I ever heard that line it did mean there was interest in someone besides me. Add the as friends line and it gets even worse. Agree with T as well, lieing is bad regardless of how it happens. Nice pic T, yum! Haha...you must be a sorbet or gelato fan too! Very true... I now see the light.. Sorry, I guess I have this thing about lying! Hmmm...wonder why?
t_veron Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Age matters here. You two sound young so of course she's going to be more sensitive to it than if you were say in your mid 20s and up. If she's in her early 20s and younger and comes from a conservative background then cut her some slack. Ya she's stupid but it's kinda cute she still believes in Disney. Give her time like she said, she'll get over it. Just keep respecting her and being there for her. Don't back down though you did nothing wrong. One warning... if she's older than early 20s then run away as fast as you can from the controlling freak.
sally4sara Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Age matters here. You two sound young so of course she's going to be more sensitive to it than if you were say in your mid 20s and up. If she's in her early 20s and younger and comes from a conservative background then cut her some slack. Ya she's stupid but it's kinda cute she still believes in Disney. Give her time like she said, she'll get over it. Just keep respecting her and being there for her. Don't back down though you did nothing wrong. One warning... if she's older than early 20s then run away as fast as you can from the controlling freak. Lying by omission is wrong and breeds distrust. It comes off like "I know what you need and don't need to know" with a dash of chicken $h!t sprinkled on top. And thats at any age.
Trialbyfire Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Lying by omission is wrong and breeds distrust. It comes off like "I know what you need and don't need to know" with a dash of chicken $h!t sprinkled on top. And thats at any age. You bet! And conflict-avoidance continues to get you covered in cow poo!
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