Mango308 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 My story might be a little long sorry to all but I really need some advice. 3 weeks ago my fiance after being together for almost 3 years told me out of the blue that she was breaking up with me. She stated that it had been coming for a while and I should have seen it coming, I didn't. Her reasons were that too many bad things had gone on and she couldn't deal with it anymore. The reasons were my family, my family and she never really took the time to get to know each other. Now I know that my family can be hard to get along with at times but she was marrying me not them. and my parents were ok with the fact that she didn't want to go around to there place (i was too) Secondly we built a house together which we moved in to Dec last year, I had also started my own business in June last year, The business wasn't going the best and she was stressing about the house repayments so I went out and got myself a job 3 days a week to at least cover those. She does work 6 days a week as well. I was devastated, I have tried to reason with her by writing up what I thought were the problems and how I intended to fix them, but she wouldn't have it. What makes this even harder is that we are both still living in the house. I know you will all advise for 1 of us to move out but its not that simple, everything we have is in this house so nether of us have the money to go else where. I don't want to sell the house because i'm hoping that she will realize that we are soul mates get back together and continue our lives with the changes. I can honestly say that i have never felt like this about anyone b4, and I have had a couple of other long term relationships in the past I don't want to pressure her in to getting back together as I believe it would only push her away even more. How do I make her see that we are meant to be together? Please help!!
A_good_girl Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I think the thing with your parents is just an excuse. Many women have to deal with in-laws they dont particularly like. I dont really like my in-laws either, so i try to avoid them if i can. But i try to do it very politely so they dont notice that i dont like them. She has to deal with your parents even if she doesnt really like them just for the fact that they are your parents. I think she just needs more attention, maybe. Try to be nicer to her, get her some flowers, maybe a romantic dinner or something. But if it doesnt look like she is interested at all, i would just sell the house. If you both keep living there you will just drive each other crazy.
ate_the_paint Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Mango I'm sorry. If you read these posts there seems to be a trend...something about fiance's and sudden breaks. AGG is right, however; living with her will only make things worse. You will never heal from this, regardless of what happens, by staying there. Trust me, the next few months of your life are going to really hurt, but it will get better. Stick around here. Make some posts. Read some threads. You'll find answers to your questions from people who have already been in the same situation. You'll find you can empathize with others by reading their stories, and you can find empowerment. For the first time ever I actually have a use for the internet (other than planning an ill-fated wedding). Hope you find the same things I have been.
Author Mango308 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 Thank both for you reply. I'm just afraid that if we sell the house that will be the end. Knowing that it can work with small changes should I stick around and hope she realizes this? I don't see her much as i try to be out when i know she is home and if i do see her all we say is hi and bye.
qsmiles70 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 that's what cost me the man I love so deeply. I tried to control what he was ready for. I would suggest not making any rash decisions... it's never a good idea to make business decisions amidst emotional stress. Maybe you can suggest that to her (unemotionally, just taking care of one another from a business standpoint) then suggest a way that you can avoid seeing one another (not sure how big the house is, if there's a basement so there's some separation). A better idea would be for you to stay with a buddy if you can for at least 2 weeks. Don't contact her. Let her have her space and some for yourself. Don't say anything to her right now about your relationship, it will make things worse. Just let her know you respect her decision and you want to let things settle for a few weeks before you and she decide how to handle the house. She'll probably feel like your protecting her interests by doing that and that will only help you. Then you can figure out how to address what was missing for her in the relationship but it won't happen until you leave her alone for now. If I had been smarter and read these posts, I wouldn't be where I am right now. Good luck.
Author Mango308 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 Thanks for the advice qsmiles. I think i'll do just that leave her alone. It's really the only thing that I haven't tried cos it's the hardest thing to do.
Author Mango308 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 I am now looking at getting some counseling. I'm not coping well with this at all. (I know I sound like a sook, sorry to all.) Although the advise i'm getting from this site is invaluable. Thanks to all who have given advise. Please keep it coming.
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