hecallsmepumpkin Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Hey everyone... I think I wrote a thread about 3 months ago (or even longer) about my TAKEN man (not married or engaged). It has been 6 months since this whole thing started. At first I was like, yes maybe I may learn to love him but for now it's just "harmless flirting". We had worked together. I work in a consulting firm that we can contracted out every couple of months to work with different companies. Anyway this Monday we had finished up our project that we were both working on and he is going to be going to a different company starting in August and I will be staying with this company. I think throughout our 8 month stint with this company... we had grown to know each other fairly well. We had started with just talking while working and then it escalated to going for coffee's after work, to dinners, to hanging out here and there. He has been with his girlfriend for 7 years. They started dating when they were in their teens. I have a friend who's god parents are her parents and he tells me that she is really... weird. She checks on him a lot... but she's almost bipolar because she would just go mental on him and then at times he won't hear from her the whole day. He has only mentioned her a couple of times. We get along really well and we share a lot of the same beliefs, dreams, and outlook on things. His last day will be this week and he had told me that he had something to tell me. I asked him what it was and he said that if it made me uncomfortable at least then he wouldn't have to see me anymore. On his birthday a couple of weeks back, I was invited to a "surprise" birthday thing that some of our work people had thrown him - in our team we are all pretty close friends. They had invited some of his bestfriends (I guess you find this out on facebook) and one of his friends girlfriend had come up to me (she was intoxicated and I was a bit as well) and told me "He really likes you and I think if you like him you need to tell him. I had told my boyfriend that if he no longer loves his girlfriend he needs to leave her and be with you because the way he looks at you is nothing like the way he looks at her". This was the first time ever that I had someone say that to me... we had flirted here and there and share a very deep bond (as we talk to each other every day and we sit practically beside each other) but never was this announced. I don't know what to do... I want to tell him just so I can lay it out on the line but as much as I try not to be the OW, it feels as though I have already fallen for him and he has fallen for me.
whichwayisup Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Don't do anything. IF he approaches you and tells you how he feels, all you have to do is say, "if you want me, then you need to end your relationship." Don't be the OW. Don't settle for another woman's table scraps. IF his relationship ends, then go for it, but until then, keep your distance and don't cross the line. Have respect not only for yourself, but for him and his relationship of 7 years.
astra77 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Don't do anything. IF he approaches you and tells you how he feels, all you have to do is say, "if you want me, then you need to end your relationship." Don't be the OW. Don't settle for another woman's table scraps. IF his relationship ends, then go for it, but until then, keep your distance and don't cross the line. Have respect not only for yourself, but for him and his relationship of 7 years AGREE AGREE AGREE AGREE AGREE AGREE Dont do it - dont be the other woman. I was the OW and believe me, I would have much rather had the BRAINS about me to say "if you want me, then you need to end your relationship." Being the OW is not only extremely painful and depressing, it is just not the right thing to do. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dont put yaself in my shoes im sitting here reading YOUR story saying - if only i said no. If only if said "if you want me, then you need to end your relationship." I would NOT recommed that you go any further until the relationship with the girfriend is over. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Dont do it - dont be the other woman. IT IS NOT WORTH THE SUFFERING
Owl Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I agree with the previous posters. Since his last day is this week, don't tell him. Also...don't agree to hear what he's got to say. If he confesses his love for you...BAM!!! Instant affair in a box. Don't let it go that far...walk away yourself before it happens. If he comes back to you later and isn't in a relationship...go for it. But right now, I'm sure that there IS an expectation of monogamy in the relationship he's in.
nadiaj2727 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Being the OW is not only extremely painful and depressing, it is just not the right thing to do. This is so true. I read so many different stories and debates and arguments on this board but it all boils down to this one simple sentence! If you want a life of happiness and contentment and integrity and a good reputation and real love then don't get involved with someone who is already committed to someone else. That is just asking for trouble. Love yourself first and then find someone who is whole, healthy and available to love you the way you deserve.
astra77 Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 This is so true. I read so many different stories and debates and arguments on this board but it all boils down to this one simple sentence! If you want a life of happiness and contentment and integrity and a good reputation and real love then don't get involved with someone who is already committed to someone else. That is just asking for trouble. Love yourself first and then find someone who is whole, healthy and available to love you the way you deserve. EXACTLY - if only I knew then what I know now - I wouldn't be in the mess i find myself in everyday.
OWoman Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 This is so true. I read so many different stories and debates and arguments on this board but it all boils down to this one simple sentence! If you want a life of happiness and contentment and integrity and a good reputation and real love then don't get involved with someone who is already committed to someone else. That is just asking for trouble. Love yourself first and then find someone who is whole, healthy and available to love you the way you deserve. Worked out fine for me! Happiness? check Contentment? check Integrity? completely intact good reputation? better than ever real love? as real as it comes Would I do it again, if I had my life over? You bet! Some bad stories doesn't make all of them bad stories.
Lyssa Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Some bad stories doesn't make all of them bad stories. Yup. It may not work for everyone but it does work out for some people.
Author hecallsmepumpkin Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 So I followed all your advice. I didn't say anything until he did. His last day came and gone and he had finally told me that he had feelings for me for the last few months. He said he had felt the same on my end that he knew that I could feel something for him too. I didn't say anything or tell him what I wanted to do. I guess, there is a part of me (being cheated on before) that really only would move forward with him if he could honestly figure this stuff out for himself. He told me this on Friday morning and it is now Monday afternoon. On Friday, I had gone on a casual date with another guy that I had met awhile ago. It was okay but throughout the whole night the Taken Man kept calling and texting me wishing that he could see me. Told me that it wasn't just that he wanted to see me... but he really really wanted to see me. I had called him after my date and basically told him flat out that he needed to figure out what he wanted and that this is way too complicated for me to even want to deal with. He said that he understands and knows that this is complicated and that he feels like he's in the worst situation because the feelings he has for me is something he just can't control. The next day we hardly talked and he text's me at night and asked what I was doing. I was sitting on my friends patio for some wine and he asked if it was possible for him to see me that night. It was already around midnight and I said sure... we sat out on my patio for about an hour or so and when he left he hugged me and there he went. We text a couple of times when he got home safe and we were joking about how him and I going to bed separately must be lonely and that he could've helped that. I told him he better not and he said that it's true, it felt like I didn't want him there anyways. I just responded that even though I wanted him there doesn't mean it would be right... and that was the last time I heard from him. that was Saturday night/Sunday morning... He had messaged me on MSN when I wasn't on the computer this morning but nothing else. no phone calls or texts and that is very unlike him... I guess because I am use to talking to him everyday. I hope I have given him something to think about and handled my end well enough that I won't be walked all over. but I miss him...
Recommended Posts