mistieyed Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 if a man in his early 30s has been engaged twice in his lifetime but never married would you consider this to be a red flag?
A_good_girl Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Nope, i wouldnt say it is a red flag. Remember, bad things happen to good people, and bad girls are usually the ones who get the good guys.....and then mess everything up. I would just ask for some details about the break-ups. Might be educational for you!
imbewildered Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 if a man in his early 30s has been engaged twice in his lifetime but never married would you consider this to be a red flag? It means that he came to his senses just in time, TWICE . Smart guy - a keeper if you behave yourself and don't do what the other two discards did... Find out what happened .A guy will tell you the truth.
Star Gazer Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 It means that he came to his senses just in time, TWICE . Smart guy - a keeper if you behave yourself and don't do what the other two discards did... Find out what happened .A guy will tell you the truth. Why assume that HE came to HIS senses, and not that SHE left HIM? I don't care what the circumstances are, really - except perhaps death, in which case I'd be even more concerned that he's had two dead fiances!! As far as I'm concerned, when you're engaged, you're already committed for life. If you propose, and they accept, that is the same as marriage as far as commitment is concerned in my eyes. At that moment, you should be willing to fly to Vegas to tie the knot right then and there (of course most wouldn't in order to have their families there and all the pomp and circumstance, but you know what I mean). Asking or her hand in marriage or exclaiming "yes!!!" is an "I do" to me. If he's making that commitment and it's not working out - TWICE - and he's still only in his early 30's, I'd venture to guess that he hasn't taken the time to learn some very important life and relationship lessons.
Keridan Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 We obviously need more information to give the best advice. How long ago were the other engagements? Why does he say they ended? Were the women prostitutes and he has trouble separating the issues? Were they even women or could you have a whole different problem? Personally, I had to get engaged twice to figure it out, but I was young the first time and it's worked out great with the second one. She even showed up at the wedding which I considered a major bonus.
Krytie TV Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 All it would say to me is that maybe he is a commitment type and has a history of looking too far ahead with people that aren't good matches.
imbewildered Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Why assume that HE came to HIS senses, and not that SHE left HIM? For several reasons - *It is more likely that a man will bail that a woman. Women usually WANT to be married ,men are usually more reluctant or ambivalent. * Women have much more to gain by being married that men do. * Women love all the pomp,drama and ceremony of a wedding - men could care less. * Women "prove" their worth and value to others by being married .A married woman has higher status in our culture that a single chick. *Women seek permanency in relationships to define themselves. Yeah ,whenI write it all out like that is does not look very politically correct does it but I could not give a shyte ...it is what it is .. Flame away if you want.
Lauriebell82 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 To the OP..are you the man who has been engaged twice or are you a woman interested in a man who's been engaged twice. To give appropriate advice I would like to have more info please.
zicke Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 For several reasons - *It is more likely that a man will bail that a woman. Women usually WANT to be married ,men are usually more reluctant or ambivalent. * Women have much more to gain by being married that men do. * Women love all the pomp,drama and ceremony of a wedding - men could care less. * Women "prove" their worth and value to others by being married .A married woman has higher status in our culture that a single chick. *Women seek permanency in relationships to define themselves. Yeah ,whenI write it all out like that is does not look very politically correct does it but I could not give a shyte ...it is what it is .. Flame away if you want. Not really true--I am a woman and broke off two engagements, and one guy broke off with me...so. No. But, he probably does have commitment issues...I know I do.
CaliGuy Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Could be a red flag, but good people make bad decisions sometimes. Find out what the circumstances were for each situation and then make a decision if you really think they are red flags.
tanbark813 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 It depends on the circumstances. If he got cold feet and bailed in each instance, then yes, it's a red flag. If he got cheated on and ended the engagement in each instance, or the woman was the one who bailed, then it's not a red flag at all. Ask for more detail.
Author mistieyed Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 to answer a couple of questions, he is the one that was engaged twice - given some of his recent patterns, i am thinking he has commitment issues and may have asked the past girlfriends to hold onto them or give him more time, not sure though - was just trying to get a general read. i have not asked him about past relationships because this was so new and they hadn't come up. but you each gave me something to think about. thank you.
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