Is this relationship normal?

[snowbound123]

My "supervisor" (I use the term loosely, as it isn't quite the right term) is an older, married man. I am a single woman in my early 30s. We are both professionals in an extremely stressful and demanding industry. Although our work requires a lot of nights and weekends, we often work remotely, so it's not like we are burning the midnight oil together. However, we do speak on the phone many times a day and we have lunch together a few times per week. We talk about our personal lives all the time (especially during phone calls, which are often entirely personal and not work-related at all), and we have a lot of fun laughing and joking together. In many ways, we see the world very similarly, and we clearly have a strong affection for each other. He seems to be very intrigued by me, but I'm not sure if that's due to a romantic interest or something else. I'm one of the most successful at my level in my company (as is he, in his level), and my life story is unusual. His interest in me can simply be based on one or more of those factors.

 

He has become my biggest advocate, and has taken it upon himself to correct very sensitive problems which were affecting me at work. In my mind, if there is a romantic interest underlying all of this, it's being channelled appropriately. I've had older, married men in my industry (even other superiors) develop feelings for me and channel them in a very different way (trying to arrange off-site meetings, venturing into creepy sexual talk, eying me like I'm a piece of meat, outright asking me on a date, etc.), and to me that's obviously different from the man who may have the same sparkle in his eye, but he plays it out by becoming your biggest champion.

 

But all that said, I'm just not sure -- is there something necessarily wrong with this? At the end of the day, I can't lie and say that I think he sees me as a daughter. It's something different, but I'm not necessarily sure what.

 

I don't think he would ever do anything sexual with me, and nor do I even really see the opportunity arising. We do not travel for work, and nor are we likely to ever do so. I've met his wife and really like her -- she seems to really like me as well. I think this is definitely a strong and very personal alliance, which seems to be a good thing. It has helped both of us become even better at what we do, since we can bounce our strategies off each other. He's definitely made me better at what I do, and I like to think I've made him better at what he does. We hope to be working together like this for many years to come.

 

But all that aside, I sometimes see the way he looks at me (not sexual -- he doesn't check me out -- more like he adores me), and how he just seems so aware of me all the time. Also, despite the big age gap, it doesn't feel like we have an age difference because he's very young for his age, and I'm on the mature side for my age. I'd say our emotional ages are about equal, and our shared interests bridge the gap even more.

 

As for my feelings, I'd definitely say that I have a "thing" for him, but it's not a "crush" or "attraction" that you would have on somebody you want to date, but rather it's a connection, which was formed already with the assumption in mind that nothing physical would happen. I adore him in such a way that honestly, I was joking with a friend recently about which men at work were attractive, and I realized that I couldn't judge him that way because I adore him so much that it's hard to even look at him objectively and measure up his sexual desirability. In my mind, he's just this whole person that I like, and not somebody I could size up physically or romantically. That said, if he were single and we started spending time together outside of work, then yes, I think something could easily happen.

 

I guess, overall, I'm struggling with whether this sort of bond is okay, of if it is wrong simply becuase he's married. And I'm also struggling with the question of whether a relationship that is 95% positive for both parties has to be changed because of a possible 5% romantic interest, if both parties never have any intention of acting on that anyway (unless both were single, which is simply not the case), then is it still wrong?