Calisto Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Not literally serious but it's something that a couple talks about who is really committed, not just vague references to plane tickets and visits in the future. That's what I was getting at. He really doesn't seem that into it. oK, he's mid-twenties, well, that is not too young to get married and be happy.
Tomcat33 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Not literally serious but it's something that a couple talks about who is really committed, not just vague references to plane tickets and visits in the future. That's what I was getting at. He really doesn't seem that into it. oK, he's mid-twenties, well, that is not too young to get married and be happy. Not after six months, get a grip. And says who that's not too young to get married? That may be the way you feel about marriage and what you expect from you, that doesn't mean he sees it that way.
Author Jilly Bean Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 Hey, TC - thanks again for weighing in. I guess you're right - perhaps I should just wait until he moves, and then see how I feel about it. It probably would be precipitous to break up before he leaves. Who knows? Maybe I will be ok with him being gone (but I really doubt it...) The 6 month thing is the most bothersome, really. It's not like this is a short-term arrangement - that I could probably suck up. It's the fact of knowing that this will continue for years and years. Which Princess brought up last night. Home with me for 6 months, then gone for 6 months. It's a tough way to roll, even if you do love someone. I know that this is the life of a sports wife and they make it work. But also like someone else pointed out, Im not in a situation to be flown around the nation to hang out with him at will. I just never thought he and I would even be seeing each other past the point of him leaving in July, so I never put any thought to how we would navigate dating while he was away. He was supposed to be the grins and giggles for a few months. He wasn't supposed to morph into something more substantial... When he took me home to meet the family, alot changed between us after that, and I guess I wasn't seeing it. He seemed to grow a lot closer to me, and I was still holding him at arms length. Pfft. Bottom line, Im caught between a rock and a hard place, TC. I care about him, but dont want to be in a LDR. That's why I think your advice is the best - to just feel it out, and see how it goes. Either we will make it work, or I will throw in the towel. Thanks again for your thoughts.
Tomcat33 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Jilly you have a lot of things to reflect on, if this guy is going to be someone you will build a future with then studying the kind of lifestyle you will have with him (6months on 6months off) is a very realistic way to see if you even CAN be with someone like him. In fact, consider yourself lucky that he is going way now so early on because this will be the ultimate test of what you can expect in future. Heck you might even decide "no way, this is not for me" and having lived out what it could feel like 3-5yrs down the road can make the transition easier. You never know, this might bring the two of you closer together...look if you are head over for this guy why not try, exactly how many men do you meat (edit: ahaha I meant "meet" left it here for kicks) that you fall hard for? It's not easy so when you find a good one, even if there are challenges ahead, I say give it a try. Will you not see him at all in 6months? will he not come home at all? Look I know it's scary who wants to set themselves up to feel pain, but if you quit now you'll kick yourself for not trying you're not really determined to walk away now, nor has he given you real reason to other than the fact he is leaving. I can sense that you don't want to end it cold turkey now, so why fight it? sure no problem, you'd prob give me the same advice if the roles were reversed, it's just easier to see from the outside.
Author Jilly Bean Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 Will you not see him at all in 6months? will he not come home at all? He won't come home until his bye week. But I am certainly able to visit him as much as I like. He said he was going to get a credit card for me so I could book my own travel and not have to wait for him to handle that, as he knows he won't - lol. He added that that way, I could fly out anytime I wanted to surprise him. But you're also right that this is good testing ground for the future. Well, now that I am being forced to actually *consider* a future. lol Yeah, I totally don't want to end it. Cold turkey? pfft. I don't know how well I am going to sleep at night without his snoring... Thanks again.
sb129 Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 He won't come home until his bye week. But I am certainly able to visit him as much as I like. He said he was going to get a credit card for me so I could book my own travel and not have to wait for him to handle that, as he knows he won't - lol. He added that that way, I could fly out anytime I wanted to surprise him. Yeah, I totally don't want to end it. Cold turkey? pfft. I don't know how well I am going to sleep at night without his snoring... . Hey JB sorry for jumping in a little late here. I think this is a great sign that he is keen to keep things going. I have a friend who is a "sports wife"- and they seem to make it work. I hope things work out for you.
kladia Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 what's his contract for? Just think of this as an 'investment'! j/k, seriously i would have killed for my last relationship to have only been ldr 6 months at a time. perhaps things would have worked out (or at least not worked out more mutually). not to scare you off, we were ldr for over a year, and in different countries for about half of it. (wasn't an internet relationship either, we met and spent the first year and a half not long distance). and although you claim to be, you don't come off as the needy type. However, i do sincerely believe the only way ldrs have any chance, is if both people are 100% committed to them. If you don't believe you love the person enough to do it, it will probably become a self fulfilling prophecy. best of luck whatever you decide. i certainly don't envy your position.
Recommended Posts