prettyinpez Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I have been dating him for 11 months now. It was love at first sight and we have been together ever since. We have a great honest relationship and he is my best friend. He has had a life very different then mine. He didn't know his father til he was 9 and when his mom got pregnant his dad handed her money for an abortion. They grew up very very poor and didn't have much at all. They also never lived in a house, only several apartments. Now here's the problem.. Last week we had an argument and out of nowhere he freaked out and said he couldn't handle what we have and needed to figure things out, then for the next few days couldn't see or talk to me. He asked me to come over after that and he still has been saying "I love you" and kissing me and stuff. He recently told me before all this happened that he loves me more than he's ever loved anyone. At first I had the hardest time giving him "time" because this scared the crap out of me, out of nowhere this happens and we went from talking and being together everyday to absolutely nothing. I was/am completely heartbroken and incomplete. I have been beside myself and every moment seems so hard. I finally calmed down and apologized and tried to give him the space he needed. After going a whole day without talking to me he IMed me online trying to talk (that's his preferred way to talk these days) and everytime I say I'm trying to give him time he says he does want to talk he just gets all paranoid and upset thinking I'm having a great time without him cuz I had been hanging with friends alot to prevent crying. He has never ever been like this in the past, but what makes me mad is he's acting like I left HIM. I told him I'd wait for him but this is so hard, I just don't know how to control my emotions. I'm strong and fine and then one minute I'll go off because I can't stand what he's putting me through. My whole heart is dangling on a string and instead of trying to get over him I duhno what to do. I don't doubt he loves me and I'm waiting because I truly love him and he is the one I want to be with always. He recently told me before all this happened that he loves me more than he's ever loved anyone. We had planned on moving in together in July and instead of an apartment HE said he wanted us to get a house together. We went and got pre-approved. I was planning on calling a realtor and he said to slow down, which I did but it was a little strange cuz it was his idea. I asked him if this whole 'cant handle what we have' thing is about the house thing and said we can slow it all down but he said it wasn't. Can anyone help me understand this? I've always been so sure about my feelings but I'm trying to be supportive but I'm in so much pain right now, I've never felt this bad.. Am I stupid for waiting? He keeps telling me he knows he's gonna get through this and he'll be okay. I told him I am trying to be there for him!! It's so hard to deal with I can't even focus on anything else and I just want him to get over this and come home! Any advice?!
critter909 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 He got cold feet. Probably just like he said he really loves you and panicked when things started to move fast and get serious (the house). Give him some time to sort things out, try to be supportive when he calls but don't bug him and ask him to make decisions right away, don't make any ultimatums. He knows how to reach you and will when he is ready.
lovestruck818 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I'm going through the exact same situation...so lol, no advice for you, but when you get it, share with the wealth over here- hah.
Paralyzed Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 He sounds like a Borderline Personality Disorder. Read up on it and see if his behavior and personality matches. If it does then "RUN"!
Author prettyinpez Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 Thanks for the reply, Paralyzed, but I don't think I'd go that far...
Author prettyinpez Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
Author prettyinpez Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 He got cold feet. Probably just like he said he really loves you and panicked when things started to move fast and get serious (the house). Give him some time to sort things out, try to be supportive when he calls but don't bug him and ask him to make decisions right away, don't make any ultimatums. He knows how to reach you and will when he is ready. Critter, the only thing is I tell him to take his time and come back when he's sorted things out and EVERYTIME he tries talking to me online and then gets upset when I say you need to sort this out and talking to me isn't going to help you right now. It's hard for me too cuz then I get too much hope.. What to do!
stlnsmile Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 He sounds like a Borderline Personality Disorder. Read up on it and see if his behavior and personality matches. If it does then "RUN"! If the personality does not match their behaviors, how is this an indication of Borderline personality disorder? My ex wore masks, his decisions did not match up with what he was saying. His feelings did not match up to what he said he felt. I know he faked his feelings for me the last four months, he told me he did. He said "I was trying to break it off slowly so I didn't hurt you." Uhhh......actually you hurt me worse by waiting and lying and making me feel like there was something wrong with me the last 4 mo. of the relationship, and never wanting to spend time with me, and making me feel like my whole life was a piece of sh**! But okay, whatever. I'm just curious about the BPD because I want to make really really sure I never get that cr** again!!!!!!!! I mean the last 4 mo. he was making plans with me to move in together, goto homecoming, taking 1 yr. anniversary pictures, planning our future. IDK...I just really don't want to get involved with a self centered shmuck again and need help figuring out how to avoid it at all cost.
critter909 Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 I don't know what to tell you about the online thing. Maybe stay off. I know what you mean about hope, I have it too and it kills. You just have to get a break from him and he from you, even if you have to force it. Don't go online for at least a few days, you can't always be available, he is taking his frustrations out on you. You have obviously talked to him plenty and told him your side of things, he is the only one that can make the decision now. I am at the same point in my break up, I have told him where I stand and he now needs to come back to me with an answer, either yes or no but something. I too am chewing on my fingernails and waiting and it's been 8 days now since last contact. It's hard but you have to hang in there, what's going on now is obviously not working for you.
Author prettyinpez Posted June 28, 2008 Author Posted June 28, 2008 Well thank you so much for your help, Critter, and I wish you the best in your situation also. Hopefully this crap will be done with soon. I'm almost at the verge of not caring finally because the pain has been so immense =/
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