Impossible Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Hello. I've posted several posts before about my past relationship. And i'm going to repost as to how it ended, because I am really missing her and want to start talking to her again. Here is my story Me and my ex began dating on Feb. 14, 2007. The relationship was going great, we were deeply in love with eachother and never wanted to have a day where we didn't see eachother. We had our arguments here and there, but we always talked about them. Then it began going downhill around Jan. 18, 2008. I became so comfortable around her, I became too attached, I became annoying to her and immature. Then three days later she said those four words, "We need to talk". I knew it was coming, I was so nervous. She then told me everything that I've been doing that she hates. And it made her lose her attraction or wanting of me anymore. After that I left and began doing the worst, I texted her and called her constantly saying, "I love you", "I will change", "I miss you", etc.. She got extremely annoyed and cut off all contact with me. After about 1 month I texted her here and there just seeing how she was and it was just very light talk and responses. My birthday then came along on May 29th. She never texted or called to wish me a happy birthday on the day of my birthday, which I didn't even think about at all until she texted me on June 11th saying this. "Hey I just realized I didnt wish you a happy birthday it was not intentionally it slipped my mind but like they say its better late then never so happy (late) birthday...sorry I really did forget...bye bye" I just responed with "lol its ok and thank you" Also I hang out with a friend of hers that lives right next door to her. He's a good friend of mine also. And one day he came up to me and said. "Hey listen. I talked to your ex about you, because I really see you two going far. I mean you two were great together. And to tell you the truth she doesn't look as happy as she used to when you two were together, I mean she is happy but not as much. I told her that you miss her and think about her (I do talk about her to my buddy sometimes). And she said what else did he say?? I might take it into consideration" My friend had no idea what she ment by that. So he was like i dont know" I never told my friend to talk to her. I don't know what it is he sees in me that he wanted to talk to my ex. I still have no idea what my ex ment when she said she might take it into consideration. Anyway and then her graduation from highschool came along. I never went, but I texted her that night and told her "congratulations im very happy for you. I hope you succeed in whatever you want to do. I know you will do great in college. I hope to see you around." And she texted me back and said "Thank You" And i asked what college she was going to and it was just light talk and then that was it. I really miss my ex and I am still in love with her and just want to talk to her in person. I dont know what I can do. Please I need advice. Help
PandaStillLovesBunny Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I know this isn't helping you, but this is uncannily eerie: it sounds like my relationship with my ex in so many places. I started dating her on February 12, 2007. I began to get annoyed at her child-like behaviour (although much earlier than you say that you began to get annoying). I missed her birthday after we had broken up, and messaged her about it later. After that it kind of diverges, but it was a little bit nerve-wracking to read the first few sentences. I would advise you to tell her one last time how you feel about her, and if she doesn't reciprocate, move on. I always had this plan that I would meet up with my ex-girlfriend one day (use a good excuse - that's why I always lend my girlfriends something of mine; so we can have a reason to meet up later), give her a hug, hold onto her arms longer than was necessary, and kiss her just once. If nothing happens after that, then it's safe to assume that it's over. That's all that can be said in this situation: you opened the door for a return, but she has to realize that she wants you back. She has to figure out how much she misses you. Nothing you do - especially not texting, messaging, emailing, or phoning - will convince her unless she wants to be convinced. It's frustrating to have so little control over a situation, but it's the nature of the beast.
Author Impossible Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 I know this isn't helping you, but this is uncannily eerie: it sounds like my relationship with my ex in so many places. I started dating her on February 12, 2007. I began to get annoyed at her child-like behaviour (although much earlier than you say that you began to get annoying). I missed her birthday after we had broken up, and messaged her about it later. After that it kind of diverges, but it was a little bit nerve-wracking to read the first few sentences. I would advise you to tell her one last time how you feel about her, and if she doesn't reciprocate, move on. I always had this plan that I would meet up with my ex-girlfriend one day (use a good excuse - that's why I always lend my girlfriends something of mine; so we can have a reason to meet up later), give her a hug, hold onto her arms longer than was necessary, and kiss her just once. If nothing happens after that, then it's safe to assume that it's over. That's all that can be said in this situation: you opened the door for a return, but she has to realize that she wants you back. She has to figure out how much she misses you. Nothing you do - especially not texting, messaging, emailing, or phoning - will convince her unless she wants to be convinced. It's frustrating to have so little control over a situation, but it's the nature of the beast. You know your right. I'm going to ask her if she wants to meet up sometime cause i would like to say many things to her. I havent told her how i feel in about 5 months. I will let you know what happens and thank you so much
Author Impossible Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 I e-mailed my ex last night and got a reply from her today saying this. hey dillon ill be honest with you when we first broke up i didnt want to talk to you because you were annoying me when i said that we are not boyfriend and girlfriend you still kept on calling and doin what u did that was very stresfull for me because u wouldnt leave me alone...and caused me to dislike you more and more.....after u and in stoped talkin i was afraid to talk to u again because u might get attached to me and will want more then a friendship thats why i didnt want to talk or hang out........now i think im ok with bein friends and hangin out and what not[sIZE=3]....[/sIZE][sIZE=2]as long as u know that we are nothin but[/sIZE] friends.....otherwise there is no point in even talkin......................also want to let u know i have a boyfriend........ ....i do think of u sometimes and i dont hate u at all =].......well ima go now you can text me if u want to.........have a good one bye bye =] What should I do next?? I don't know what to do...
northstar1 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I e-mailed my ex last night and got a reply from her today saying this. hey dillon ill be honest with you when we first broke up i didnt want to talk to you because you were annoying me when i said that we are not boyfriend and girlfriend you still kept on calling and doin what u did that was very stresfull for me because u wouldnt leave me alone...and caused me to dislike you more and more.....after u and in stoped talkin i was afraid to talk to u again because u might get attached to me and will want more then a friendship thats why i didnt want to talk or hang out........now i think im ok with bein friends and hangin out and what not[sIZE=3]....[/sIZE][sIZE=2]as long as u know that we are nothin but[/sIZE] friends.....otherwise there is no point in even talkin......................also want to let u know i have a boyfriend........ ....i do think of u sometimes and i dont hate u at all =].......well ima go now you can text me if u want to.........have a good one bye bye =] What should I do next?? I don't know what to do... As painful as it was getting this - it's pretty clear - she ONLY wants friendship from you. At this point,you need to stop contacting her and move on. Sorry.
justine4 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 You have to decide not only if you can 'just be friends' with her, but more importantly, if you can handle seeing her in a relationship with her new boyfriend. Only you know this. However, reading your posts, I doubt this very much. I know how tempting it must be to take this olive branch of friendship that she is offering to you, and its very honest of her to tell you her position upfront. It is a way of keeping in contact, but seeing her with someone else, when you still have such strong feelings for her is going to torment you immensely. Maybe the odd text or email every so often so you keep in contact and don't lose touch might be more realistic? Then, you never know, if anything was to happen with the new guy, perhaps something could happen. The reality though is that she has made her position abundantly clear, that you could only be friends. Its your call how you proceed. The main thing to think about are your own feelings and how much your hurt may continue by seeing her with this other guy.
Author Impossible Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 You have to decide not only if you can 'just be friends' with her, but more importantly, if you can handle seeing her in a relationship with her new boyfriend. Only you know this. However, reading your posts, I doubt this very much. I know how tempting it must be to take this olive branch of friendship that she is offering to you, and its very honest of her to tell you her position upfront. It is a way of keeping in contact, but seeing her with someone else, when you still have such strong feelings for her is going to torment you immensely. Maybe the odd text or email every so often so you keep in contact and don't lose touch might be more realistic? Then, you never know, if anything was to happen with the new guy, perhaps something could happen. The reality though is that she has made her position abundantly clear, that you could only be friends. Its your call how you proceed. The main thing to think about are your own feelings and how much your hurt may continue by seeing her with this other guy. Yeah, I dont know. I'm so confused right now. I want to talk to her and hang out with her, but i know i would be hurt more. and I know if i dont talk to her or hang out I would just keep on missing her
iwish Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Ouch, sorry mate. I know that was not the response you wanted from her. It seems that right now that there is nothing you can do to get her back by your side. She's with someone else now and that sucks for you. I'm sorry for that. I think that you need to move on as she has done. I think that you need to just stop contacting her so that you can get her out of your head once and for all. Just take one day at a time and forget her. It's a tough journey but it will be worth it in the end. If you stay in contact you're just going to get more hurt and you will have that hope of reconciliation there for as long as you do. And it's that hope that holds you back from meeting someone who loves you the same way as you love them. Someone better. or you can go the friend route and then just accept bread crumbs. You want more and deserve more than that.
Ally Boo Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Being a friend also means hearing about the new guy. Keep that in mind. I would just move on- she has.
Author Impossible Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 Yeah, I haven't contacted her back yet. I don't think I will. I dont know I just miss her you know it's tough. Even though its been almost 6 months.
Author Impossible Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 My buddy that lives right next to my ex is having a barbecue and he wants me to go and my ex is going to be their. I want to go, but I'm kind of nervous. Should I go?? I mean I don't know what would be the right thing to do.
backto1 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Impossible, I try to avoid my ex at all costs. I'd hate to see her with new guys around... If you can avoid her but still attend plenty of social events with your friends, skip it. If she's always going to be out and about, you're going to have to deal with it now. Keeping your friendships healthy and support network intact is the most important factor, avoiding your ex comes in 2nd.
Author Impossible Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Impossible, I try to avoid my ex at all costs. I'd hate to see her with new guys around... If you can avoid her but still attend plenty of social events with your friends, skip it. If she's always going to be out and about, you're going to have to deal with it now. Keeping your friendships healthy and support network intact is the most important factor, avoiding your ex comes in 2nd. Yeah, I think I will skip it. I mean she won't be with her boyfriend, but still knowing she just wants a friendship and knowing myself wanting more then that will just make me dig a deeper hole and hurt myself more. I'm not mentally prepared to speak to her just as a friend. I just want to tell her what I feel, but she doesn't want anything else but a friendship. I just have to keep my distance...I don't know grrr I am so mad, because I really do want to see her and speak to her, but I would be to nervous and it would just make me hurt more. This is so frustrating.
Author Impossible Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Do you think it would be okay to contact her and ask her if she wants to grab something to eat or go for coffee. I just want it to be me and her. I just want to talk and that's really it. I just want one time with her. Just to talk and see how it goes. Is that ok??
backto1 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I wouldn't do it if I were you. If she agrees you're not going to hear anything you want to hear. If she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you - period.
Author Impossible Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 My friend that was having the barbecue talked to my ex about me. And he asked this question to her. Who do you see yourself being with in the future and she said my name. And two weeks ago she was asking about me to my buddy. But she said she doesnt want to leave her present boyfriend because they have been together to long. She was dating this kid for 4 years before dumping him for me. I'm so confused are these good signs? Should I say something? What should I do?
jerbear Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 My friend that was having the barbecue talked to my ex about me. And he asked this question to her. Who do you see yourself being with in the future and she said my name. And two weeks ago she was asking about me to my buddy. But she said she doesnt want to leave her present boyfriend because they have been together to long. She was dating this kid for 4 years before dumping him for me. I'm so confused are these good signs? Should I say something? What should I do? I think you should leave the grapevine alone. She'll contact you if she sees herself with you in the future but there is a 4 yr relationship. She is sort of settled, getting used to the relationship and the social time frames. When people date for 4 years, the next step is engagement. IMO: there is a chance but not worth it. I've had women leave and years later contact me after they've had kids and went through a divorce. :rolleyes:
Author Impossible Posted July 4, 2008 Author Posted July 4, 2008 I think you should leave the grapevine alone. She'll contact you if she sees herself with you in the future but there is a 4 yr relationship. She is sort of settled, getting used to the relationship and the social time frames. When people date for 4 years, the next step is engagement. IMO: there is a chance but not worth it. I've had women leave and years later contact me after they've had kids and went through a divorce. :rolleyes: haha I wont have to worry about her getting engaged she is only 19. But thank you for your response I appreciate it. I haven't contacted her since that email i sent her. I will just wait to see if she ever contacts me. Have a great Independence Day!
Author Impossible Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 Well, I have a lot to update everyone on. About 2 or 3 weeks ago my buddy and my ex went swimming in a pool. My buddy lives right next door to my ex. He invited her to come swimming with us and I didn't want to see her because I wasn't ready and was very nervous. She was cool with seeing me, she didn't say she didn't want to come swimming, she wanted to. My buddy wants me and my ex back together because he cares about my ex and I and saw that we were really happy together when we were. When I saw her I was so nervous and was shy in the beginning, but soon became comfortable around her. She was the same way to in the beginning I saw it in her, but we became comfortable with each other. We all had a good time and went back to my buddy's house and played Nintendo wii together and continued having a good time. At then end of the night when I left I texted her and told her it was good to see her and I told her how I was nervous and shy in the beginning and she said It was good to see me too and It was ok that I was nervous and shy its understandable. About a week later I was on my way to my buddy's house the one that lives next to my ex and he called me and said can you pick up "X" (X=my ex) bananas and I said sure. So I did that. And she texted me and said thank you and saying I didn't have to do that but it wasn't a big deal to me. Later that night she texted me and said "You still care for me...why" I told her "why because I bought you bananas?" And she said "Yeah and the other time when you bought me wendys its not healthy you have to let go" (I bought her wendys on the way to my buddy's house before we were going to go swimming that day, I spent 2 dollars on her at wendys big deal. I told her that "I always buy my friends something if they don't have money or if they want me to pick them something up If its a couple bucks its no big deal to me. I only spent about 4 dollars on you this month. Thats just the way I am. And I did move on stop telling me to move on, I already told you I did" And then she started arguing with me saying I'm being immature and am saying random things to her" Then i just said "ummm...ok" And she said "See this is why we cant be friends because your immature when it comes to topics like this" I then said "I'm fine with not being friends with you I'm with my friends and I don't feel like dealing with this so im going to stop responding" And she just kept saying stupid things and I never responded. Later that night I sent her a text and said "I have no idea how I was being immature, This topic you brought up had to do with me buying you food and don't tell me that you don't care that I moved on because if you didn't you wouldn't tell me to move on. I have no idea why you got so mad and I'm not expecting a response from you" She got pissed off for no reason. They only reason why i bought those friggen bananas and wendys is because it was only a few buck and because I care. She took it so far! If she didn't want me to get her wendys or bananas she should have told me to not get her anything! Two days later I texted her and told why I still care about her. I said " The reason why I still care about you is because I knew I always would care about you when I first met you and I know I always will care about you." She texted me back and said "=) I care about you too" And then we talked for a little bit that night and she brought up the past when we were together saying how we used to make this really good oatmeal. I'm not sure but I feel good that she brought up the past because thats the second time she did. I never brought up the past with her. And I told her I had to go because I was at concert and she told me to text her the next day. And I did, but never got a response from her. I haven't spoken to her since Sunday night. She never contacted me back. Are their any good signs here? I think I'm going to text her or call her and ask if she can meet up with me because I want to talk to her about my feelings I need to say it so I know where I stand and where she stands. Is it a good idea?
justaman99 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Personally I wouldn't do that. Let time roll on as it may. More often than not putting it all out there will confuse the other person, especially a girl and push her farther away. It puts pressure on her and subconsciously boosts her ego and gives her the freedom to choose while you're left hanging. Take things easy. Besides you said you've moved on. How would that look to her if now, you haven't and are putting a flood of emotions out there? Take some time and relax and let her move a little bit towards you as well. She can say she misses you but it could mean just that. She misses you. It doesn't mean she wants to get back together. My ex called me and said she missed certain things and was thinking about me. I told her I missed her as well. This was months ago and nothing came of it. I refuse to put my feelings and emotions back out there especially since she was the one who broke it off. Just play it cool and calm. -Just
Author Impossible Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 Maybe your right, but the weird thing is that I still love her and do care about her. I did move on, I don't sit home and cry and be depressed. I go out with my buddy's and have good times.
justaman99 Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Maybe your right, but the weird thing is that I still love her and do care about her. I did move on, I don't sit home and cry and be depressed. I go out with my buddy's and have good times. Well we're in the same boat then. I'm not going to keep putting myself out there anymore. I told her how I felt months ago so she knows where I stand. She didn't offer anything about her own feelings. It was pretty cold actually. She has to come towards me this time. I want her to know in her own mind that she made some mistakes. i want her to suck it up and make herself vulnerable. I've done that and I was the one that was dumped. What a fool. If I'm worth it to her she'll make the effort, if I'm not worth it she won't. Either way works well for me. Every situation is different but I would say just take it easy and wait for the right time. It sounds like things are picking up a little momentum in your favor so whatever is happening now is working well. If you do decide to talk about trying the relationship or discussing your feelings do it slowly and start small. That's what I would do. Have to protect yourself a little bit and not freak out the other. -Just
Author Impossible Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 Well we're in the same boat then. I'm not going to keep putting myself out there anymore. I told her how I felt months ago so she knows where I stand. She didn't offer anything about her own feelings. It was pretty cold actually. She has to come towards me this time. I want her to know in her own mind that she made some mistakes. i want her to suck it up and make herself vulnerable. I've done that and I was the one that was dumped. What a fool. If I'm worth it to her she'll make the effort, if I'm not worth it she won't. Either way works well for me. Every situation is different but I would say just take it easy and wait for the right time. It sounds like things are picking up a little momentum in your favor so whatever is happening now is working well. If you do decide to talk about trying the relationship or discussing your feelings do it slowly and start small. That's what I would do. Have to protect yourself a little bit and not freak out the other. -Just Yeah I never told her how I feel. The only thing I did tell her was that I missed her about 2 or 3 months ago that's it. I never told her that I still have feelings for her. I want to tell her, but I guess waiting is a better way to go?
WiseOne1 Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Well we're in the same boat then. I'm not going to keep putting myself out there anymore. I told her how I felt months ago so she knows where I stand. She didn't offer anything about her own feelings. It was pretty cold actually. She has to come towards me this time. I want her to know in her own mind that she made some mistakes. i want her to suck it up and make herself vulnerable. I've done that and I was the one that was dumped. What a fool. If I'm worth it to her she'll make the effort, if I'm not worth it she won't. Either way works well for me. Every situation is different but I would say just take it easy and wait for the right time. It sounds like things are picking up a little momentum in your favor so whatever is happening now is working well. If you do decide to talk about trying the relationship or discussing your feelings do it slowly and start small. That's what I would do. Have to protect yourself a little bit and not freak out the other. -Just I agree, alot of times we do all the work and we shoudnt have to, hell there the one doing the dumping so they should do all the work. Im not doing anything anymore, for that fact I told my ex it would be best for her to remove me from her FAV 5 and focus on her new bf. And i told her to just forget about me.
Author Impossible Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 I agree, alot of times we do all the work and we shoudnt have to, hell there the one doing the dumping so they should do all the work. Im not doing anything anymore, for that fact I told my ex it would be best for her to remove me from her FAV 5 and focus on her new bf. And i told her to just forget about me. You are correct. In my situation though, we both haven't told each other how we feel so I think it's time I tell her.
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