stolenheart123 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I've been on Loveshack everyday for quite a few months. I got dumped in May, and ever since then i've maintained NC. It is the longest i've ever gone or maintained on my own. I've kept myself busy with work and just trying to become a better person. I still miss my ex tremendously. I had some spare time and I saw my ex's away message, referring to someone she always wanted to be with. Even during our relationship that name came up several times. I've been doing so well, I thought I was getting better. Her status changed from single, to long term relationship, and her away message was, "im so happy with you" We were in a 6 year relationship, we've been broken up a little more than a month, but we havent had any contact. I been through so much with her, I just dont understand how someone can throw it all away. I've deleted her from my buddy list so I can no longer see her away messages. Can people leave your life so easily and never return? Does love fade so easily? Can sumone else offer her what we shared in 6 years. I guess im just confused, and I feel like we just broke up yesterday.
northstar1 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I've been on Loveshack everyday for quite a few months. I got dumped in May, and ever since then i've maintained NC. It is the longest i've ever gone or maintained on my own. I've kept myself busy with work and just trying to become a better person. I still miss my ex tremendously. I had some spare time and I saw my ex's away message, referring to someone she always wanted to be with. Even during our relationship that name came up several times. I've been doing so well, I thought I was getting better. Her status changed from single, to long term relationship, and her away message was, "im so happy with you" We were in a 6 year relationship, we've been broken up a little more than a month, but we havent had any contact. I been through so much with her, I just dont understand how someone can throw it all away. I've deleted her from my buddy list so I can no longer see her away messages. Can people leave your life so easily and never return? Does love fade so easily? Can sumone else offer her what we shared in 6 years. I guess im just confused, and I feel like we just broke up yesterday. Sorry to hear about that. Good on ya to have NC for so long so far. But honestly, I'm not sure if you're able to see her msg on some sort of IM? (Yahoo?), but you probably need to delete her. Otherwise, you'll always be guessing as to what she's up to, or what her 'status' means. You really do need to eliminate any reminders of her, at least for the next while, until you've healed.
Author stolenheart123 Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 Yes it was on yahoo, she has blocked me on it or used stealth settings on my normal chat ones, but I had another login I use for work I guess she wasnt aware of and I saw her away message. After seeing it, i did delete her on all my accounts. It hurts so much to know she just moved on with someone else.
selena_cat Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Yes it was on yahoo, she has blocked me on it or used stealth settings on my normal chat ones, but I had another login I use for work I guess she wasnt aware of and I saw her away message. After seeing it, i did delete her on all my accounts. It hurts so much to know she just moved on with someone else. i would really advise you not to see her away msg,why put youself thru that? knowing what they are up to and if theyare faring better w/out you. You seem like a nice person and i read your posts seeking for the same answers. it see,s easy for them,the exes to forget but that has to do with them if they are capable of meaningful relationships and if someone can just walk away,believe me they'll do the same to their next relationship. in the meantime,delete contact info,dont do this,youre in healing mode,you'll get thru this
chrisanderson Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Hey bro, I know the pain you're feeling. It's like damn, did all those years mean nothing? Most likely she's in a rebound relationship. If she didn't have alot of time to grieve your relationship and she hopped right into another one, it will catch up to her eventually. For now all you can do is forget her. But it's hard to forget someone who was such an important person in your life. It's crazy how they can treat us like strangers...
Lizzie60 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Can people leave your life so easily and never return? Yes.. I've left an 18-year relationship (common-law).. and never ever regretted it. I didn't decide to leave him overnight.. it was something I've been thinking for quite a few years before. Does love fade so easily? Yes it does.. sometimes it fades long before the 'day' Can sumone else offer her what we shared in 6 years. Of course, in my case, the next guy offered me a lot more in 5 years than the first one in 29 years (total)... You'll get over her..
carhill Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Lizzie's so right. The hard part is accepting that truth. I wish you well in your journey to acceptance
Author stolenheart123 Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 Can people leave your life so easily and never return? Yes.. I've left an 18-year relationship (common-law).. and never ever regretted it. I didn't decide to leave him overnight.. it was something I've been thinking for quite a few years before. Does love fade so easily? Yes it does.. sometimes it fades long before the 'day' Can sumone else offer her what we shared in 6 years. Of course, in my case, the next guy offered me a lot more in 5 years than the first one in 29 years (total)... You'll get over her.. You are so right. I knew she didnt love me anymore, but I stayed hoping things would turn around and change. I tried so hard to make things work, I soon realized I was doing all the work and she could careless. I gave her my all in the end, I worked 100+ hours a week, and all Id hear from her is how shes so unhappy, and nothin good ever happens to her. She resented me for the fact I worked and got things I wanted. But i know in my heart I treated her well.
critter909 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Very much feel your pain, mine walked away after 9 years. I ask the same thing, how can you just move on and act like it didn't happen? I think of him 24 hours a day, he seems to be coping fine. I think this is something that we will never figure out. But maybe she'll talk to you someday and give you some insight, and she may not be doing as well as she puts on. I have a feeling my ex has plenty of guilt that he is dealing with but he's not going to show that to me.
Author stolenheart123 Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 Very much feel your pain, mine walked away after 9 years. I ask the same thing, how can you just move on and act like it didn't happen? I think of him 24 hours a day, he seems to be coping fine. I think this is something that we will never figure out. But maybe she'll talk to you someday and give you some insight, and she may not be doing as well as she puts on. I have a feeling my ex has plenty of guilt that he is dealing with but he's not going to show that to me. Yea im right along with you thinkin about her 24 hours a day. I guess I had a major setback once I found out she was seeing someone else, and the bitter part is it was always sumone she threw in my face during our relationship. I guess now she can be happy, I will continue to do my NC, im on day 36 I believe. She was my first love, im 23 now and shes 31. I think back and look at the things i've endured for her, and im just happy knowing I gave my all with unconditonal love. But i dont think me and her will speak again, she has too much pride, and in my heart I believe she hates me.... but its gonna hurt wen it heals
critter909 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I found out mine was seeing someone too. It kind of hurts and helps, you know you don't really want them back, not as much as you did anyway (why lie, in my head I still fantasize about him coming back) but the idea of them with someone else...
Whey2Big4u Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 yeah man its tuff. Mine walked away in front of her friends after six years and we were engaged. ****ed me up real bad for months. Things do get better. Trust me they do, but its still hard, even after almost a year. Mine treats me like i never did anyhting for her and as if i ment nothing to her. she even gave back EVERYTHING I ever got her and i mean EVERYTHING. Then called me a body that did nothing and said we cant be friends. Its even harder when you get custody of the dog you two shared and her letter is one line with the word love missing One bit of advice that I wish someone told me when it first happened. Outta Site...Outta Mind, its the best thing....and dont go ruching into anyhting, it only will make it worse
Art_Critic Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Can people leave your life so easily and never return? Yes they can.. in my case I'm glad they never returned.. I would've never met my wife and had my little boy.. Sometimes recycling relationships isn't the best way to happiness.. When you recycle you still get all the trash that broke you up to begin with and also lose out on all the good that can come from a new relationship
critter909 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I find myself having a really hard time with it the last couple of days. I have gotten past the anger and betrayal for some reason and am just missing him. Deep, deep down missing him. It's been 3 weeks with 6 days of NC, I'm not sure what stage or whatever of coping this is but I feel like I'm not coping at all. I can't help but wonder if he feels anything, I thought our love was always mutual, if he feels like this I don't know how he hasn't picked up the f'n phone and called
df273 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 critter, i feel the exact same right now. my mind is playing with me. as soon as i thought i was getting better, i realize nothing has changed. my feelings and thoughts still wonder around the idea of her.
kyta Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 The answer is some can, some cant, i have been nc for 16 days now, its the longest in 7yrs we havent had contact, i ended it, then wanted back, she said no, then she had a new guy a cpl day later, i have sat her in the early day wondering how she doesnt think of me, how she can be so cold, but i have heard yesterday all she does is talk about me, it may not be good what she say about me, but she is trying to convince herself that im not good, and has tried to do a bit of sh*t stiring, and she is doing all this in front of the new guy, lmao hope he enjoys hearing my name all the time, so in my case she hasnt moved on, she hasnt let go, and she hasnt just forgot me, i wish she would move on, as i know her if this carries on she will try and contact me again just like before, and i really dont want her to. So in some cases they dont just move on as we think they do, its are head that tell us we are in pain, its are head that tell us they are happy now, but the truth is we shouldnt want to know what they feel or think, it makes us worse, we r no1 not them, so thniking of them we only do our own heads in, i feel great today, and i mean really good, glad shes gone, i will miss her, thats just human, but i dont miss the way we lived, it hasnt changed for her, she still living that life of sh*t siring and drama, thats all she wanted when we was together, and thats what i didnt want, i wanted to live and do nice stuff, with her and the kids, she would rather not do anything with the kids, and have drama with her idiot waster friends, shes got it now all to herself, and i have a whloe new life ahead of me, with new joys and experiences ahead, she has nothnig, and that is why she is so bitter to me lol, let her bitterness eat her, let it dwell in her heart and soul, she cant hurt me anymore now, i have took the power back from her, and i laugh. Nc all the way iot the only thing we have for ourselves, do it and in time u will realize how much quicker u will heal form it all, but dont dwell on if they miss us, that is detrimental to us.
Trialbyfire Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Yes, people can walk away and never return for all kinds of reasons. While I know this is near impossible, try not to focus on your ex. Delete all contact info on your cell phone and through cyberspace. If you have pics or memories on your computer, zip and archive. You have to fight this addiction....and I do mean addiction.
Author stolenheart123 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 Thanks everyone for your support. If wasnt for LS i'd be pretty lost. Im on day 37 of NC and I will keep working on myself to heal me. I use to have a hard time sleeping and eating before we broke up, with just the constant fear of her leaving and treating me like crap but the day we broke up I was fine. The pain in my heart has diminished some what. I do wake up thinking about her, wondering what shes doing, but i've realized shes moved on in a month with someone else she always had a thing for during our relationship. She has problems, and I tried to take care of her, and along the way I lost myself. I became obsessed, I will always love her, but I dont want to go back to the way she treated me. Even though I know its best she is gone, my heart and my soul still misses the good times, or my perception of "good times" I listen to this song Leona Lewis "better in time" It has helped me alot
critter909 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I know I don't want back the exact relationship I had, not what we had at the end anyway. But I do truly still love him and think we could work out our problems, he just would need to want to also. And there is the problem, like I said in my prior post, he hasn't picked up the phone to call me. He knows where I live (our house!), where I work, my email blah blah. It's up to him. My problem is that I don't really want to let go, not that I do but can't, but that I don't want to, I do truly want to work things out with him. I haven't had a final answer from him yet and I think that is killing me. But to get back to the topic of this thread, I personally can't just walk away and never return (and that's bad for me, I know!).
kyta Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Thanks everyone for your support. If wasnt for LS i'd be pretty lost. Im on day 37 of NC and I will keep working on myself to heal me. I use to have a hard time sleeping and eating before we broke up, with just the constant fear of her leaving and treating me like crap but the day we broke up I was fine. The pain in my heart has diminished some what. I do wake up thinking about her, wondering what shes doing, but i've realized shes moved on in a month with someone else she always had a thing for during our relationship. She has problems, and I tried to take care of her, and along the way I lost myself. I became obsessed, I will always love her, but I dont want to go back to the way she treated me. Even though I know its best she is gone, my heart and my soul still misses the good times, or my perception of "good times" I listen to this song Leona Lewis "better in time" It has helped me alot Snap, very similar situation here, there problems though not ares, we have tried to help and lost ourselves in the process, it happens, but we will heal all of us, some sooner than others, im ok with it really, as it wasnt that good at the end, and our percption of the good times are clouded by our loss, set them free, and we will be free again to live our live the way we would like to live, not the way they want to.
Author stolenheart123 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 I had a really bad night last night, I had a dream of the ex with her new interest. I just cant believe I was doing so well before, but now i've been set back so far from the thought of her being with someone else. My heart is breaking all over again, I cant stop thinking about her. But I am not tempted to contact her, I know she hates me, and she will never respect me. She can put on her disguise in her new relationship, but when the real her comes out, she will realize. Im just still so sad...
Author stolenheart123 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 Critter909 I feel ur pain. Sometimes I just do not want to let go. But then I think back and really look back and see she has changed. Its so hard for me to imagine she is saying everything she said to me to someone else. I wasn't perfect but I did right most of the times. Its hard to accept but it is what I'm trying to do. Thank god for my blackberry so I can login this site as I work and have urges.
critter909 Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 That's what eats away at me too. The person I am in love with wouldn't do this. He has been replaced by a drunk jerk. So I hang on, hoping he "sees the light." I'm not ready to let go yet, I'm trying to move on but he has also not told me it's completely over, so I have that stupid hope.
Author stolenheart123 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 Yes stupid hope is what I thrive on only to realize she's layin in bed wit sumone else. The person I knew would never hurt me but its sad to say she's a person I didn't know. Love isn't measured by the good times its meausred by how many bad times u endure and overcome together
Recommended Posts