yanks26dmb Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I was dumped by an ex girlfriend after 2 years...it was my "first love" etc etc...It was awful. Beyond awful. Couldn eat, sleep, had to see her with a guy I knew. Whatever, that was 5 years ago, I got over that about 3 years back.... Ive been dating a new girl whom I love much more than the last....this has been going on for about 2 1/2 years. I always remmeber how I felt when things went sour with the first one, and I really dont know if I could handle that again. For those with the life experience....does breaking up the second time/getting dumped feel as bad as your first time around? Or are you somewhat desensitized to the whole thing after your first love breaks your heart..?
CailinPig Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I've no idea. I'm only just outta my first relationship, but, like you, I'm curious to see what the answer is. Oh man, i'm glad to read your post too. It's great to hear how you suffered just like me after the first love but now you're with someone who you love even more. that's great news! So why are you asking? Are things turning bad in your relationship?
Author yanks26dmb Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 I've no idea. I'm only just outta my first relationship, but, like you, I'm curious to see what the answer is. Oh man, i'm glad to read your post too. It's great to hear how you suffered just like me after the first love but now you're with someone who you love even more. that's great news! So why are you asking? Are things turning bad in your relationship? nope things arent turning bad....I'd be lying if I said i didnt question whether I would be with her forever or not...but no, things are just fine. I'm just hyper-aware of the possibility of things ending abruptly...(like they did last time) and dont want to be put back in that same situation. More curious as to how peopel take a second break vs. how they took their first break up.
Author yanks26dmb Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 Hmm..thats interesting...I've always heard getting over your first love is the hardest of all
sunshinegirl Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 It's varied for me. Four relationships to get over: 1st love: devastating, horrible ending to what was a devastating, truly unhealthy relationship. He was truly awful - narcissistic and ultimately gay (!). Took me a year and a half to get over him. We're civil/friendly now. 2nd love: it was only a 6-month relationship but it took me ages to get over him: this guy seemed to be 1000% better than the first one. Hence the ending was just as hard. He's married now and I'm truly fine with that. He married a really unpleasant person, someone whose personality is 180 degrees opposite mine. 3rd love: we ended things mutually due to different religious beliefs. But it was very respectful on both sides and we ultimately reclaimed a friendship - he's still in my life today, in fact. 4th love: I'm hurting, def, from this one, but even in my hurt I can see that he never lived up to some very very basic things I need in a partner - even before he cheated on me. He's served as a catalyst for me to get into counseling to understand my patterns picking men - all of them have been 'unavailable' in one form or another. So if nothing else, this one gave me the 'gift' of opening my eyes to what I'm doing to myself. For me, the first and second relationships were the hardest to get over. I know now that I can and will get over this ex, because I've done it in the past.
the_pope Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I didn't read the other replies, but there is an old saying. "The first cut is the deepest" I have personally been through about 6 or 7 breakups. However, it was the last 3 which were particularly painful and of the type that brings people to places such as this. With all 3 I found this. #1 was by far the absolute worst. I think the world did actually end for me. I had 2 months of work and.......well..........I won't go into it, it was 2 1/2 years ago now. #2 still took me 6 months to get over, but I never felt that deep deep serious pain. I didn't have any time off work and I knew what I was going through so it wasn't as scary. #3 hurt me, a lot, for about 3 or 4 weeks, and took a further 9 months to completely get her out of my system, but, it was by far the least painful of the 3 BIG breakups I had. So, yes, it gets easier with each one. In fact, you just roll your eyes and start to think "oh, this old familiar feeling again" and it passes.
arian_ma Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Hey man, I am not going to answer your question, but merely give you my opinion. In my opinion, if you have this on your mind, your relationship is going to go downhill dude. You can't live life expecting bad things to happen and thus staying away from everything. You can't not get close with her if you think it's going to hurt if you break up. If you have it in your head to be the person your significant other wants and them be the person you want, make sacrifices for each other and be honest, you will never have to be there. Don't think these thoughts, it doesn't matter. Your relationship is good now, and that's all you should be worrying about now.
justaman99 Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 The first was hard because it was my first long term relationship. I cared about her but i didn't love her. The second was harder because we had a much bigger connection and I loved her truly. So it depends on the emotional attachment. i don't think it matters if it was a first or a third. It depends on how much of your heart is involved and the circumstances of the end.
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