CailinPig Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 It has been three and a half months since he ended our 2 and a half yr rel. He has told me he loves her, he wants to have kids with her, he wants to be with her forever. He does not love me. He does not want me. I have no willpower. I have none. I cannot emphasise how little willpower I have. I simply cannot stop texting him. I'm so ***n angry at myself. But the simple reason I can't do NC is: I don't want to. I don't ***n want to let go of him. And that makes me angry too because I don't want to be stuck in this limbo, feeling like I'm worthless and useless and that HE is the answer to my happiness. I will continue to let myself be trampled on, let my heart be ripped outta my chest and jumped on by this man who once loved me. I will let him tell me he's glad our rel is over because he's now found something 'better'. I will take this sh*t from him again and again and again. I will let him use me. I will run like a puppy to him if he calls. I will continue to profess my love for him even though i know he does not reciprocate. I will continue to see hope in anythign he says, even though he's made it clear he loves another girl. I am a ***n retard. There is no other explanation. I'm ***n stupid. i deserve to be spat at, i'm so stupid. I hate myself. I'm ruining my own life. And I'll continue to do so until I'm six feet under. I don't ***n deserve a boyfriend.
kyta Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I say fook them, dont call, dont beg, dont plead, just let them go, it is so hard i know, but think, do u want to be happy? if the answer is yes, then make it happen, they are not th answer to make us happy, they are the reason we are unhappy. Be strong, think of ur self, nc nc nc nc nc nc nc, i cant say it enough, you head is playing games with you, the more u try to contact them, the more hurt u will be, even if they do respond to you, they will only tell you what you dont want to hear, so let go think of no1.
sumdude Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I am a ***n retard. There is no other explanation. I'm ***n stupid. i deserve to be spat at, i'm so stupid. I hate myself. I'm ruining my own life. And I'll continue to do so until I'm six feet under. I don't ***n deserve a boyfriend. Would you say these things to a stranger? Even to someone you were really angry with? Please stop saying these things to yourself... You're a living, feeling human being who deserves to be happy. You should consider seeking counseling.. you might have some things to work out with your self esteem and self image. Learn to love yourself... because you deserve it.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I will continue to see hope in anythign he says, even though he's made it clear he loves another girl. I am a ***n retard. There is no other explanation. I'm ***n stupid. i deserve to be spat at, i'm so stupid. I hate myself. I'm ruining my own life. And I'll continue to do so until I'm six feet under. I don't ***n deserve a boyfriend. If you can't let go then you need to stop talking to him. Don't say bad things about CallinPig or I'm going to come kick your a**!
sunshinegirl Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 You might really be encouraged by reading "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken". The title is kind of offputting but the book itself has been soooo helpful to me. You're not alone in feeling like you have no willpower. Perhaps the book will help you rediscover your own strength... it's there. It's just buried under the traumatic feelings that a breakup causes...
ioncebelieved Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I say fook them, dont call, dont beg, dont plead, just let them go, it is so hard i know, but think, do u want to be happy? if the answer is yes, then make it happen, they are not th answer to make us happy, they are the reason we are unhappy. Be strong, think of ur self, nc nc nc nc nc nc nc, i cant say it enough, you head is playing games with you, the more u try to contact them, the more hurt u will be, even if they do respond to you, they will only tell you what you dont want to hear, so let go think of no1. This will be great when I can actually say fook them!!! NC is something I have to do!!!!!
Author CailinPig Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 Thanx guys, but it's very frustrating. While I may come across as a bitter, stalking, crazy ex, I still do talk to this guy quite often. He does care about me, but he's happier in his new situation. I just don't know what to do. I can't simply stop contacting him. I tried before and it was the most depressing and low week and a half I'd had. It ended when he texted to inform me he was still in love with me. I dunno. I just can't function. This was my first relationship and my first break up. I don't wanna be alone, I'm so freaked out. Thanx for your comments. LikeCaharlotte, you made me laugh.
sunshinegirl Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Thanx guys, but it's very frustrating. While I may come across as a bitter, stalking, crazy ex, I still do talk to this guy quite often. He does care about me, but he's happier in his new situation. I just don't know what to do. I can't simply stop contacting him. I tried before and it was the most depressing and low week and a half I'd had. It ended when he texted to inform me he was still in love with me. I dunno. I just can't function. This was my first relationship and my first break up. I don't wanna be alone, I'm so freaked out. Thanx for your comments. LikeCaharlotte, you made me laugh. Sweetie, it takes a lot longer than 1.5 weeks to stop feeling crummy about NC. But if you do it, and stick to it, you WILL start to feel better. None of this "I can't stop contacting him" - bullocks. That's victim-talk. You CAN stop contacting him, but right now you don't want to because you are still getting some degree of positive emotional payback from being in touch. That's okay...but my guess is that eventually it will be too painful to keep hearing from him and about his life without you. THAT's when you'll grab hold of your own power and start making choices that help you instead of keeping you hooked in his life, his whereabouts, his words, etc. I say that with kindness, I'm not attacking you. Lord knows I am still analyzing my ex and wondering what he's doing, whether he's thinking about me. But I am at least making some good choices for myself right now. And I'm not in contact with him, which is making a huge difference in my ability to move forward.
Author CailinPig Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 Thank you sunshinegirl, Yes I most definitely am in victim mode. But I have tried to be more active, I've tried to be happy. It's so hard. I'm always so sad. I can't change it. I have been on a night out every week since we've broken up. I've tried to meet other guys, I've gone on walks with my friends, I've texted my friends instead of him when I'm feeling down. But nothing has helped. The only reason I didn't contact him for a week and a half was because he sent me a very disresepctful text. I went to spain on hols and left my phone behind too. I know in my heart and soul that you are right. I know you are! But God, he's everything to me. I'm gonna get hurt more before this ends. I know that.
serendip Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Thank you sunshinegirl, Yes I most definitely am in victim mode. But I have tried to be more active, I've tried to be happy. It's so hard. I'm always so sad. I can't change it. I have been on a night out every week since we've broken up. I've tried to meet other guys, I've gone on walks with my friends, I've texted my friends instead of him when I'm feeling down. But nothing has helped. The only reason I didn't contact him for a week and a half was because he sent me a very disresepctful text. I went to spain on hols and left my phone behind too. I know in my heart and soul that you are right. I know you are! But God, he's everything to me. I'm gonna get hurt more before this ends. I know that. Seek professional help for your co-dependency issues. If you feel depressed...try health supplements like 5-HTP or John Worts...you can get them at most health food stores. It might help you. You contacting him will not get your ex back...it will make you look more clingy and needy...and your self-esteem can only lower. But you already know this...so instead of doing these things...try something else.
critter909 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Thanx guys, but it's very frustrating. While I may come across as a bitter, stalking, crazy ex, I still do talk to this guy quite often. He does care about me, but he's happier in his new situation. I just don't know what to do. I can't simply stop contacting him. I tried before and it was the most depressing and low week and a half I'd had. It ended when he texted to inform me he was still in love with me. He is stringing you along, that's why you need NC. You may not realize it now or want it but trust everyone on here, what is going on now is making it worse. He is messing with your head, if he truly still loved you he would have come back already, HE IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE! For your own sake, stop contacting him and block/ignore his messages, turn your phone off, whatever it takes. I absolutly struggled with NC for a couple of days but now it has been 6 days again and it has gotten a little easier. We went 6 days before that until he called me, and damn it I wanted to talk to him so bad but it set me back! I can't explain it but it is actually easier to not talk to him, he is not going to tell me what I want to hear, just more sadness and depression.
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