Jindo Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 hi everybody, i'm new here and this is my first post but i am very upset right now. I live with my boyfriend and his is English, i'm American, we met teaching english in Korea and live together now in Korea. (been together 18months). Tonight we got into an argument. I came home and was upset about not being able to get a prescription filled in any of our neighbourhood pharmacies....and yes, i was being pouty about it. He asked what was wrong and I told him and he kinda snapped. He said that I need to get over it and act like an adult yadda yadda yadda. this really hurt my feelings because all i wanted was a little empathy. He gets annoyed whenver i get upset and pouty about something and says i cry too much. Anyways, this caused a terrible rift between us all evening, and we barely spoke to eachother. Eventually he got up and went to bed without even telling me...which he's never done before. He says that he just wanted to be left alone and that he's stressed out becuase our plan for next year (starting october) isn't possible now (not to mention he quit smoking yesterday). I'm so hurt and worried. I feel like he never wants to talk about our problems but then he will be distant for days after an argument...also I feel like he's saying next year won't work partly because of me...like he doesnt want to be stuck with me for another year. please make me feel better about this situation!
Geishawhelk Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 He quit smoking? There's your answer. My partner quit smoking I had to hide every sharp object in the house. All this because you couldn't get your prescription filled out? forget it. It's nicotine withdrawal. Brace yourself. It could get worse.
CrudeMood Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 oh its definitely the smoking. When I smoke its months at a time and then I can quit. But when I quit, every little thing got under my skin, things that when I look back now is so trivial. Give him some time to detox or get used to not being dependent on cigarettes for every stressful situation.
Author Jindo Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 that's a good point....it's just so hard to keep in mind in the moment...but i don't think i can say anything can i? it's like when a woman has pms...she knows it, you know it, but never shall a man dare say 'are you pmsing?' i feel if i said 'i know you're probably upset because of the nicotine withdraw..' he would probably snap at that! any suggestions?
Geishawhelk Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Ohhh, don't get me started! M ex- used to say - "oh, are you expecting your period?" or "you have PMS, right?" I cut him dead one day, by telling him - "Yes, but that doesn't invalidate anything I say! In point of fact, PMS gives me the opportunity to really say things that the rest of the time, I shut up about, in order to keep the peace and not make an issue of things - though goodness knows why, for all the equal consideration you give me!! What's your excuse for being a bad-tempered sh*t - ??" That shut him up. Be cautious, be patient, be tactful. This too shall pass.
Author Jindo Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 nice comeback Geisha. and thanks for all the support!
Haloandhorns85 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 but then he will be distant for days after an argument Wish I had something to tell ya bout this part but that really is just a man thing. My boyfriend does this everytime we have an arguement or a deep discussion about our relationship. I read this book called "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"....very helpful. It calls that phenomenon "Going into the cave". When you get into an arguement, afterwards the man goes into his "cave" where he withdraws within himself to reflect on the arguement and himself. If you prod him to come out before he is ready, you will actually push him further into his "cave" therefore prolonging his stay there...which to you makes it seem like he is becoming more and more distant which in turn makes you think something must be wrong. When he goes into his "cave", the best thing to do is let him be. Carry on as if nothing is wrong, because most likely, there is nothing wrong, he just needs time within his head. It really does work. Just keep doing the things you normally do. Or hell...go have some "me-time"! BTW, women withdraw within themselves too. But the term for a woman is going into the "well". Hope that helps. I recommend getting that book too! It really helps you understand the opposite sex better by explaining some of the things they do that baffle and/or upset you and why they do it. Gives you insight on yourself and the things you do and why as well.
Geishawhelk Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Sorry... That reminds me of the quotation: "Men are from Earth; Women are from Earth. Get over it." I've never read the book, but I can understand your enthusiasm... It is quite astounding how two members of the same species can be at such odds with one another.. you'd think we'd be on the same wavelength, but - Nooooo..... Maybe part of the problem is that we're too much 'in our heads'... We think too much, analyse, try to work out, second guess, discuss, debate, talk things over.... Sometimes, maybe, the best thing to do is to shut up, forget about it, and move on.....
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