How to know if it is alright to kiss a girl at the end of the date??

[jimbo]

Ok, if anyone read my other post, you'll know I am pretty green at dating. Like banana green. So, it seems we are going to a nice restaurant in the city this weekend. How do I know if it is alright to kiss her at the end of the date? I assume we'll hug, and then as I pull away, do I go for the kiss? I've screwed this up plenty of times, and waited for the girl to kiss me. Yea, lame for someone in their 20's, but again, very green on this dating thing. Any tips or suggestions, that would be fantastic. Yes, I also know I am over analyzing this, but I've done this for everything I have done in the past until I get comfortable.... As painful and a bit humiliating as it is.

[MalachiX]

Here is a tactic that has worked well for me recently when I've been doing the "good-bye" hug. As you hug, go in for a polite kiss on the cheek. Women I've been hanging around recently, both those who there's an attraction to and those who I'm friendly with on a strictly platonic level, seem to like that as a goodbye once they get to know/like me (I picked up after a couple had done it and now I'm doing it automatically). When you go in for the kiss on the cheek, make it in close proximity to their mouths. If there's chemistry, you'll both find yourself moving closer for a full on kiss. The cool thing about this is that it feels like neither of you fully "initiated" it and it seems like a random romantic moment (being totally sincere, I still think it was the girl who made it a full on kiss/make-out the first two times). If there isn't chemistry and it's just a peck on the cheek, you havn't made an ass of yourself and have no reason to feel awkward. I've actually had one case where I kissed her on the cheek, pulled back, said something nice (expecting she we were done), and then my "sweet" comment apparently prompted her to give me a full kiss before running inside.

 

This is the most "risk-free" way of doing things. If you've got a little courage though, you can try something boulder and perhaps a bit sweeter which is finding a nice/charming way to ask permission to kiss. I've been told by tons of female friends that they LOVE it when a guy asks permission to kiss. Just find a really suave way to ask (watch chick flicks if need be). I one time spent a week coming up with the perfect line to ask for a kiss (and it lead perhaps the best end-date ever and a 2.5 year relationship in which we happily reminissed about the kiss until the end). This method does involve putting yourself out there though. I once was hanging out with a girl for a while at a club, had a nice moment alone, then asked permission and got told, "I'm married." I apologized, didn't beat myself up over it, and then had my friends tell me, "you need to try to get with her!" I explained the situation and they all said, "really? She's been coming on to you like a drunken prom date." In that case, I kind of realized that asking permission made her actually consider what she was doing which is why backed off. She probably wanted me to kiss her on the spur of the moment and thus not have it be her choice, just a happy accident that she could then not take responsibility for. So, I guess it was a mistake then except I wouldn't want to be messing around with a married woman in the first place so I'm still glad I asked.

 

I guess more than anything you have to not put too much pressure on the whole thing. When you're trying to get comfortable on the dating scene (and I still am too to a large extent); everything seems like the end-all be-all. That's not an attitude that serves you. Relax. Experiment. Find what works for you. And then take as much of a risk as you feel comfortable with. FIND WHAT WORKS FOR YOU! You should probably try to slowly push yourself out of your comfort zone so you get better at these things but the key word is "slowly." Don't go from being "Mr. Shy Guy" one moment to pouncing on a poor girl at the end of the night (though that has served me once or twice). This stuff ain't easy. You're gonna screw it up a number of times. Resolve yourself to that and do the best you can.

[jimbo]

Sounds interesting. I will try this if I get the opportunity. Thanks.

[Krytie TV]

I won't pretend I'm an expert on this issue, but I would recommend you try to avoid playing this through in your mind too much. The more you try to plan how things are going to go, the more nervous you'll get when it doesn't go that way. Soak up the moment, don't predict it.

[jimbo]

Not really sure if this is going to happen now. Even though she did call me, and we spoke on the tele for over an hour, and she agreed to go out on a date, she's not gotten back to me on which restaurant she wants to go to. Granted its only been about a day, I do not feel it would help me if I ran after and called her. Different girl, same game.

[imbewildered]

[quote=jimbo;1719113

she's not gotten back to me on which restaurant she wants to go to. Granted its only been about a day,

.

 

WTF ! It is YOUR job to plan the date and choose the restaurant.That includes the time that you will be by to pick her up.

You do not ask a woman to pick the restaurant for gawd's sake. You choose a local restaurant that YOU like and reserve a table, then you call her and tell that she is .." the lucky lady who's is coming with me to my favorite restaurant Friday bight,. Pick you up at 8..."t

 

You need some testos dude. Asking a girl to pick out the eatery is what "door mats" do and they end in the FZ after diving her around and buying her free food and drinks for a month. .

[jimbo]

Considering I live in south Jersey and she lives in Delaware, I asked her if she wanted to meet somewhere in the middle. She said sure. I sent her five different restaurants I found on Yahoo. Asked her which was appealing to her. Can really read her mind... If it was somewhere are here, then sure, I would pick it. But I cannot really pick a place where I've never been too.

[imbewildered]

Considering I live in south Jersey and she lives in Delaware, I asked her if she wanted to meet somewhere in the middle. She said sure. I sent her five different restaurants I found on Yahoo. Asked her which was appealing to her. Can really read her mind... If it was somewhere are here, then sure, I would pick it. But I cannot really pick a place where I've never been too.

 

Yes you can pick a place. Pick any place .It is what YOU are expected to do.

The way you start a dating relationship sets the pace and the style of how it flows, if it develops. YOu need to take charge and LEAD the dates. DO NOT pussyfoot around hoping that she will like your choices -if she is interested in YOU it won't matter much where you take her. What matters most is that YOU take control and drive this bus.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I think you should narrow it down to a couple of restaurants. Ask her, what do you like? Italian? Thai? Indian? If she likes Indian, then look for an Indian restaurant and let her know you found something that looks good.

 

I agree that you have to take some more control here. I would be a little annoyed if the guy gave me 5 r 6 choices. It tells me that he isn't taking the effort to find something good. I want some effort! Show me you want to make a good night for me.

 

Just make sure you run it by her. I hate seafood. Like, hate it. One time this guy asked me out and he picked everything out for the evening. I didn't realize it was a seafood restaurant until we got to the place. Made things a little awkward.

 

It's a fine line.

[jimbo]

I hear you all, but it was only four choices. She picked though the hard one to get into on Saturday. I was imagining a Friday dinner, so I pre-arranged it for friday, since that was the only date I could get. Recommended the two other restaurants.

 

I am not a mind reader, and I am very very new at this dating thing. Yes, a man can go through he's 20's without dating much. My greenness should be showing through all my posts. I am just learning here. While I am trying to get better with each girl, it becomes harder to pick for them what they would like. Whatever happened to the whole independent woman thing? Just hype??

[jimbo]

Well, I guess I got the results of the date. Got lost while going there and was about 20 minutes late. The directions I was given showed the place in one area, but it was actually a few blocks away. She dropped me off at my car, so it showed at least I was not lying about parking 3 blocks away from the restaurant. I a did apologize, and she said it was OK. Was a bit sweaty too, cause I was running to make up time and its 90 + degrees here. May had been doomed from the start, but I wanted to try and pick-up points and see where it goes.

 

We spent three hours or so talking during dinner, and I thought it went great. After all, she asked me if I would like a drive back to my car, which I did. Kissed her on the cheek and left. On Monday, I e-mailed her, and I've still not heard back. Even if she had no interest, she should still e-mailed back and said, thanks but I am not interested. None the less, I checked the dating site and she closed the match. I really think that was not a very smooth way to end things. I was a gentleman and paid for the dinner got her whatever she wanted. Next time, I need to pick cheaper places to go. The meal set me back $120.00 bucks.

 

Not sure what went wrong in her mind. We had similar interests, spoke for hours, makes no sense. This would be the first date I had (ever) which just brushed me off without a reason as to why. I think the other person, regardless of who it is, should be told something. Some people are just weird.

[CarDude2015]

Okay, that pisses me off. Talk about totally being totally rude. The guy puts 120 bucks into the date and she can't even say thank you? Memo to the Ladies: at least show some common courtesy, say thank you, and explain something about why it won't work out if you don't like the guy. We won't get mad if you don't like us. Just don't be immature about it.

[tanbark813]

No offense, man, but you dropped the ball with this one.

 

Next time:

• Pick the restaurant. Don't reply and bitch about not being a mind-reader. You don't have to be. Given the number of types of food out there, you're statistically unlikely to pick something she dislikes anyway (unless she's super picky). Just tell her, "How does [restaurant] sound?" 9 times out of 10 she'll be fine with it. If she's not then she's free to suggest something herself. It also doesn't matter if you've never been to the restaurant. There are plenty of sites online that have reviews. And even if the restaurant does suck, you can joke about it with her after the fact.
  
• Even better: Pick two restaurants of different types. That way you have a backup to suggest if she doesn't like the first one.
  
• Kiss her on the lips at the end of the date. A cheek kiss is weak and vague. Save the cheek kisses for relatives. Just go in confidently for the kiss, like you know she wants to be kissed. If she's interested you're good to go. If she's not then she turns away and you haven't really lost anything. Big deal.
  
• For f**k's sake don't ask permission to kiss her. This is also weak. It makes you look like less of a man and like you lack confidence. I've never heard a girl claim she likes it when the guy asks.
  
• Follow up the date with a phone call rather than an email.
  
• Don't be late. That's an obvious one. If you are late, by all means apologize sincerely but don't be too apologetic. You might come across as desperate for her to like you.
  

[CarDude2015]

Y'know...what tanbark said makes sense.

[jimbo]

I am not usually late, but the traffic was just amazing difficult. I tried side road and everything. I apologized profusely, and she said don't worry about it. She was always smiling and very talkative. If she was not happy, why continue to always talk and then offer to drive me home? I wore a suit and everything. I really tried to make it good. We spoke on the telephone for a while too. But to close with nor reasoning... Then, not to respond to my e-mail for a reason. It was not like I took her to Wendy's or something. Maybe in the future, that should be the first date. Wendy's or BurgerKing. I was originally going for her lips, but we did not line-up so went for the cheek. She then said good bye and drove away. Not sure if the kiss was too forward, she was Irish I believe. An Italian and Irish girl, thought it would work. Who knows sometimes.

[tanbark813]

I am not usually late, but the traffic was just amazing difficult. I tried side road and everything. I apologized profusely, and she said don't worry about it. She was always smiling and very talkative. If she was not happy, why continue to always talk and then offer to drive me home?

 

You mean to your car, correct? Maybe she just wasn't attracted and was being polite.

 

I wore a suit and everything. I really tried to make it good. We spoke on the telephone for a while too. But to close with nor reasoning... Then, not to respond to my e-mail for a reason. It was not like I took her to Wendy's or something. Maybe in the future, that should be the first date. Wendy's or BurgerKing.

 

It doesn't need to be some perfect movie scene. Don't take her out for fast food (although I'm sure you were joking) but it doesn't need to be a fancy place either. The most important thing is to make her laugh and have fun.

 

I was originally going for her lips, but we did not line-up so went for the cheek. She then said good bye and drove away. Not sure if the kiss was too forward, she was Irish I believe. An Italian and Irish girl, thought it would work. Who knows sometimes.

 

It's unlikely that the kiss was too forward. If she was really into you, a kiss isn't going to change that.

 

Oh well. Chalk it up to experience. Next.

[jimbo]

Hmm.. true.. She saw all pics of me and such. We should have gone dutch it seems. Maybe I can sent her a bill for 50%. LOL

 

So I don't go broke in the future on these "first" dates, what should be some good places to choose? Wendy's maybe pushing it.. What looks good but not too pricey? Maybe just coffee first?

[tanbark813]

Hmm.. true.. She saw all pics of me and such. We should have gone dutch it seems. Maybe I can sent her a bill for 50%. LOL

 

 

So I don't go broke in the future on these "first" dates, what should be some good places to choose? Wendy's maybe pushing it.. What looks good but not too pricey? Maybe just coffee first?

 

Casual restaurants are fine. Chili's, TGIF, whatever... You could get away with a hole-in-the-wall place if the food is good.

 

Just going for coffee works too.

[jimbo]

May have to try that. Hate wasting money. Maybe Subway would be a good choice.... They have those nice 5.00 subs.

[D-Lish]

Try meeting for coffee next time. I like that no pressure kind of first meeting. That way if things are going well you can go off and do something else- or say your good-byes without spending your cash.

 

I'd say $120 bucks is a lot to spend on a first date... I, at the very least would have offered to pay for half if I knew I didn't want to see the guy again. I also would have sent a Thank you e-mail in response.

 

I don't know- I am not sure you actually did anything that was a deal breaker. That three hours of conversation should have made up for it anyway. Just think of every date as "practice"... which is always good to have.

 

Sometimes matches work, and sometimes they don't. At the very least you gain more and more experience with socializing with someone- and that's never a bad thing.

 

As for kissing someone- I think you just know.... you'll get the signals. If I want someone to kiss me, I will let them know with my body language. To be honest, I don't usually kiss on the first date anyway. I think if someone tried to plant one on me and I wasn't into it, it would make things awkward.

 

Don't stress about it, you will get the hang of it. I have been dating for a long time- and it is still a bit nerve wracking to meet someone for the first time.

[jimbo]

Try meeting for coffee next time. I like that no pressure kind of first meeting. That way if things are going well you can go off and do something else- or say your good-byes without spending your cash.

 

I'd say $120 bucks is a lot to spend on a first date... I, at the very least would have offered to pay for half if I knew I didn't want to see the guy again. I also would have sent a Thank you e-mail in response.

 

I don't know- I am not sure you actually did anything that was a deal breaker. That three hours of conversation should have made up for it anyway. Just think of every date as "practice"... which is always good to have.

 

Sometimes matches work, and sometimes they don't. At the very least you gain more and more experience with socializing with someone- and that's never a bad thing.

 

As for kissing someone- I think you just know.... you'll get the signals. If I want someone to kiss me, I will let them know with my body language. To be honest, I don't usually kiss on the first date anyway. I think if someone tried to plant one on me and I wasn't into it, it would make things awkward.

 

Don't stress about it, you will get the hang of it. I have been dating for a long time- and it is still a bit nerve wracking to meet someone for the first time.

 

Yea, very strange... She said she had a good time and all. Not really sure. I usually suggest a nice place, really sets the mood nicely. This is the first time I had such a bewildering reaction. It actually thought it went well after she asked me if I wanted a ride to my car. I first said no it was not necessary. Then she said you sure? I said, if you do not mind, that would be great. She said no problem. Again, very bewildering...

[Lostguy33]

Here's a method I use, most of the time it works. As you two are walking to her door(or whenever the date is about to end) ask her how she'd rate her kiss ability on a scale of 1-5. As she thinks about it, go in for the kiss. It's spontaneous and works well!

[KingCrimson]

I think you tried too hard. Plain and simple.

 

Dressing up, picking such a fancy place... and I'm guessing during the date you came across that way too. A tad too desperate, as if you have some important stake in the outcome.

 

Next time, do something casual that involves an activity. Perhaps there's an outdoor concert in a park you can see, followed by going to a casual, chill dive bar/pub/cocktail lounge. Eat at a quirky local brewpub or ethnic restaurant that doesn't serve fancy standard American/Italian meals. Perhaps a bonfire on the beach... if you two are into bicycling, perhaps do a bike tour of various cafes or bars. I hope you know what I'm saying - do something non-traditional, something activity-oriented, and cheap yet does not involve a fast-food chain. Wendy's... no. That awesome and famous local Asian noodle place in a city's historic downtown... yes!

 

Never dress up like their either for a first date. Are you crazy? Something casual. Nice jeans and a polo. Whatever you'd wear on a normal night out on the town with your guy friends.

 

get my point? Do something FUN, something you'd normally do, that you would think, "gee... I love doing this. Wish I could introduce more people to it!" That way you'll be relaxed and show her your true fun-loving side.

[jimbo]

I think you tried too hard. Plain and simple.

 

Dressing up, picking such a fancy place... and I'm guessing during the date you came across that way too. A tad too desperate, as if you have some important stake in the outcome.

 

Next time, do something casual that involves an activity. Perhaps there's an outdoor concert in a park you can see, followed by going to a casual, chill dive bar/pub/cocktail lounge. Eat at a quirky local brewpub or ethnic restaurant that doesn't serve fancy standard American/Italian meals. Perhaps a bonfire on the beach... if you two are into bicycling, perhaps do a bike tour of various cafes or bars. I hope you know what I'm saying - do something non-traditional, something activity-oriented, and cheap yet does not involve a fast-food chain. Wendy's... no. That awesome and famous local Asian noodle place in a city's historic downtown... yes!

 

Never dress up like their either for a first date. Are you crazy? Something casual. Nice jeans and a polo. Whatever you'd wear on a normal night out on the town with your guy friends.

 

get my point? Do something FUN, something you'd normally do, that you would think, "gee... I love doing this. Wish I could introduce more people to it!" That way you'll be relaxed and show her your true fun-loving side.

 

 

 

It was not a suit, like a black tie, it was a polo, pants, and shorts jacket. The place we went to, which I have taken other dates to similar venues, is that type of place. Think of something like Four Seasons or Morton's. Something like that. Jeans a t-shirt would prob. not made the cut. I was not too desperate.. She called me twice to confirm plans. I just e-mailed her to confirm, she re-confirmed. None the less, Wendy's, Chilis', Ground Round, Ruby Tuesday, TGIF, etc. These are the new places for first dates. I am more upset that she just did not say, listen I had a great time, but I am not interested, than just to close all communication. Plus, if she was not interested after the meal, she could had at least offered to pay for herself. I would had most likely covered the tab anyways, but it would be nice of her.

 

The only good thing, I think, happened, was the girl I was going out with before this disaster contacted me out of the blue. So, we are talking three or four times a day. Maybe something there... Not sure... Says I am too unaffectionate.. I am damned if I am too affectionate and damned if I am too unaffectionate... Its a never ending battle. At least when we went out before, we'd switch off paying, which is nice. It is not necessary, but when I had told her this in the past she gets upset. Don't know why....

[Krytie TV]

If you're going to go the internest dating route, you would be well served to ditch the "dinner" dates. So many people you meet on the internet are serial daters and there's no reason to be dropping any serious amount of money on these people. Coffee houses are great. They're cheap, short, and close to other things should you decide to spontaneously continue the date.

 

But yeah, you need to stop trying so hard or caring so much. If you want to go out with someone you've met, suggest the place and time and let them follow.

 

I will say not to get too worked up about the kiss thing. There are just as many people uncomfortable with kissing on first dates as not. I HIGHLY doubt that had you kissed her on the lips she would have magically been soooooo much more into you than she was otherwise.