stolenheart123 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 So I've just joined loveshack, but I've been a long time lurker, ever since January of this year. Quick back ground information, I was in a realtionship of 6 years, and with no warning she just walked away while i poured my heart and soul out. I wasnt perfect, by any means, during the course of our realtionship i developed a drinking problem, something as well she suffered with. She was also a diagnosed schitzo, and so insensitive. But for some reason I believed in her, and i didnt with hold anything from her. We were together 6 years, im now 23, and shes 31. I was 16 and she was 24 wen we first got involved, and she was my first everything. I learned to trust in her, and it was a long distance relationship for the most part, which i had no problem with. Being faithful wasnt a problem, until she would just leave me for weeks and months at a time without a word. Durin that time i spoke to sumone else, but it wasnt sexual. She left me about 6 or 7 times like that. We argued alot about money. I gave her a car, which she ended up crashin due to a dui, i bought her clothes, anything she wanted, and i paid her rent for her apartment. She later blamed me for her DUI, and resented me. She once told a friend of mine she regretted being wit me, cuz i didnt give her money wen she needed. She dumped me once and said she was in love wit sumone else, that nite i ended up in the hospital for an overdose of alcohol. I was 18 at the time... that was the beginning of her leavin me.. So id go in the summer time to see her, but she hated me becuz her sister came on to me. I never once touched or did anythin wit her sister, but she blamed me for her sisters actions... She has a daughter that i love wit all my heart, she is now 9, i met her wen she was 3. Committment was a big deal to me, i asked her to marry me, and i gave her a ring. I worked so hard to afford it. I told her to never get rid of it, or pawn it. Well on May 19th i found out she pawned it, and wit that she said the most hateful things to me. Ever since that day ive gone NC. She said she needed me that nite, but the last thing she said to me, was that she was gonna be with sumone else that nite. So today after so much NC, i wrote this poem and posted it on my yahoo page, about how i have forgiven, and how i am sober now, and the things ive endured... i guess she saw it and although she blocks me, I can see she updated her yahoo page to say shes in a long term realtionship now. Im so crushed, how can she move on so fast after 6 years, shes never bought a thing for me or given a dime to me.... 35 days of NC and it hurts like hell... All i do is keep listening to Leona Lewis "better in time." She hated me for workin so much, and its all i have now, my work as a business owner at the age of 23. So many people tell me i should be a model, and its what im pursuing, its just hard to accept the fact in 34 days shes in a long term realtionship. So after much doubt i finally deleted her from my yahoo, no longer to be seen again... im just so crushed, tell me i did the right thing
saraispiel19 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Oh I'm so sorry you are so hurt. You were at your prime when you fell in love with this very complex woman. She sounded more like trouble than a great thing. Relationship are supposed to make you into a better person not take that better out of you and completely morph yourself into trying to make someone else happy and thats what you were doing. You are much older now and with this experience you will gain more wisdom and become very much alert to the world around you. To answer your question: yes the pain of losing someone you loved (especially after you poured your whole self into it) will be diminished; not completely but it will hurt less over time and the only way to heal it is time. As for her she is the one who lost not you because you have gained yourself and what you have lost over these hard years you have endured. I would primarily suggest that you do go to some sort of counciling in order to get your emotions straight and to help you keep away from your previous addiction because in times like these caving in would feel so good- but don't be fooled because you would just be digging yourself a bigger hole. Another suggestion would be to stop looking for her on the internet- obviously you have free time so I imply that you do something else with yout free time. Go to the gym, to the bar, become a Big Brother to a little boy in need. Meet new people and become socially active because a busy mind thinks less of matters like these. Yes you will miss her, Yes it will hurt, Yes you may want to cave into your addictions, nevertheless you will see the light at the end of this dark tunnel. You can do this. Goodluck and keep us posted!
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