ate_the_paint Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I'm looking for signs that my fiance was unfaithful leading up to her suddenly breaking up with me in an emotional mess. I have a gut feeling, and there are some signs but what constitutes concrete proof other than a video tape or catching them in the act? Here's what I got: Her job took her away on a boat for a week at a time with this guy. Between January and April of this year she was gone most of the time. She grew suddenly distant and started drinking a lot when she was home. Her emotions starting going all zany. She lost weight, started wearing sexier clothes, and her sex drive went through the roof (she was f***ing me every chance she got, then would ignore me...the sex was suddenly stuff she never did before, as well). She started to fall asleep on the sofa and would be in too deep of a sleep to wake up and come to bed with me at night. I think she was faking it. Credit card statements show $60 dinners and I was never there. He was sending her texts and emails. One email read "Are we still on for meeting in Calgary July 12?" That was our planned wedding day (discovered it after she walked out without any explanations). When she was home and that boat was in port, she would suddenly leave all the time for a few hours. When I made a remark about him being her "other boyfriend" she flew off the handle at me. I never suspected a thing. I always trusted her not to do that and if anything I worried more about her safety when she was on these boats...should have been worrying about mine. I guess I already know the answer. I don't even think I'm in denial anymore. Is there any more proof required to confront someone?
whichwayisup Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Sorry that you're going through this.. OK, well first off I really hope you've seen a Dr to get a check up. God forbid she's given you something.. Yeah, you have enough. Infact I would just say to her, "Oh, by the way, the wedding is cancelled, but I'm sure you won't mind seeing as you're hooking up with another man on July 12th. I hope you let her go because she isn't worthy of you and all that you have to offer. Do NOT marry her! Someone who cheats like this, while engaged, has serious self esteem and selfish issues. She isn't worth fighting for.
underpants Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Paint, What are you doing? You don't need more proof. If my boyfriend (let alone someone I agreed to marry) asked me about another dude I would be wanting to put his mind at rest. The last reaction would be to "fly off the handle". That is a defensive/projective move, usually reserved for the guilty. I think your gut, the text proof, the credit card proof maybe more then enough. It sucks and I can understand the hurt. However, are you not glad that this came up now rather then after 7 years and a couple of kids? One month with no place to live and no options does not a change make. She is putting out feelers without any accountability, let alone acknowledgement of what went down. Like I said in your other thread. Don't give her another chance. She did cheat on you, and to forgive that too easily (if at all) would really be a shame. I think actually, you would resent that decision later. You can enable or disable. The choice is yours.
whichwayisup Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I went and read your other threads. Again, I'm really sorry for all this pain and heartache - But in all honesty, she isn't ready to marry you, let alone BE a loving, faithful wife. DO NOT go back to being bf/gf, that's just crap and a huge step backwards. DO NOT let her manipulate you, or ask for a 'break' so she can go screw other men, one inparticular. She wants to go play the field, she can do that as a SINGLE woman, not as an engaged woman. She is NOT the woman you fell inlove with years ago, she's turned into a selfish person, someone who is lying to you on a daily basis, betraying you..
Bryanp Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 From what you have written it seems pretty conclusive she was screwing this guy constantly. Thank God you did not marry her. If she could have done this when she was engaged to you, imagine what she would be doing after you married her. Get checked for STD's then move on. You don't need to have such a low life cheater in your life.
Tripper Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Hell, yes!! You have enough to confront her. Just makes sure that when you confront her its for the right reasons... By that I mean you need to be able to bring closure to this relationship for yourself so the confrontation is for that purpose. Sorry you had to find out like this but better now than if you had married her and found out. Lastly keep in mind cheaters lie and deny. Don't be surprised if she tries to talk her way out of it.
whichwayisup Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 If you want SOLID proof with your own eyes, hire a PI. But, I think that's just a waste of your money. Your gut doesn't lie, so listen to it.
Owl Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Why bother? If she WAS your fiance, but is no longer...there's no point in confronting or pursuing this any further. Drop her like a soiled condom and find someone who is WORTH your time and energy!
pelicanpreacher Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Sounds like her "boat man" might have slipped her a "mickey", took sexual advantage of her, and is blackmailing her into a continued sexual relationship with photo evidence. I only say this because of the sudden change in her demeanor after his introduction into your lives, especially when you joked about this man being another boyfriend.
Mr. Lucky Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Why bother? If she WAS your fiance, but is no longer...there's no point in confronting or pursuing this any further. I agree - what do you hope to gain by confronting an ex-fiancee ? Besides, users like her eventually get what they have coming to them... Mr. Lucky
mental_traveller Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 She's probably cheating. She's definitely being totally disrespectful and inconsiderate. You'd be nuts not to call of the wedding and dump her.
porter218 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I don't doubt she was cheating, however the b*tch is gone already ..right? Both of you know she cheated, so leave it alone. It is a waste of breath telling her you know she cheated. I suggest you never speak to her again and act like you don't know her if you ever see her again. That will cut deeper then confronting her about your suspicions. That was my favorite MO for ending a relationship.
soda Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I agree with Porter. She seems really concerned about how you're storing her items. If she were mine, I'd be storing her crap on my front lawn. I know that you hurt now, but you are luckier to deal with this now than after 10 years of marriage. There is a woman who is pining for the opportunity to be with you. Be done with this unholy POS and give your queen a chance to be yours.
pentacle Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Why bother? If she WAS your fiance, but is no longer...there's no point in confronting or pursuing this any further. Drop her like a soiled condom and find someone who is WORTH your time and energy! Totally agree. Walk away without explanation. She knows you know she knows you know etc etc.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 You could confront her, but what good would it do honestly? She isn't going to stop. If she does, she will be passive aggressive about it and find every way in the book to make you 'pay' for stopping her cheating. It really isn't worth it. Walk away now. Under no circumstances should you marry this woman. Eventually when you work past your grief, and you find someone who truly makes you feel like being happy then you will thank whatever lucky stars you have that you were able to dodge this bullet and find someone more worthwhile.
Recommended Posts