mortensorchid Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Last weekend I went out with someone I met on line. We had literally just spoken for the first time on the phone the day before when he gave me his phone number. He asked if I wanted to have dinner with him, I said yes. We went out for sushi. The evening was nice, we chatted quite a bit without those uncomfortable silences. Nothing weird or out there. I am still feeling him out - as he seems edgy rather than your "average guy type", although I am still not 100% sure about it. We left the evening on a good note, I told him I had plans later that night (which was true), and we went our seperate ways. He said that he was going out of town on business the next day (Sunday). It is now Monday, I have no idea how long he will be out of town. So here is my question : What is an acceptable amout of time that someone should return a call or at least contact someone after a get together? Also, he asked for me to go out to dinner on the phone to which I agreed. I am from the old school and think it's more appropo for a man to chase the woman, and I will allow him to do so. Obviously, if I never hear from him again, then he's not interested. So how long before I make that judgement?
Keridan Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 You should wait exactly 3 days, 2 hours, 23 minutes and 12 seconds. You should wait as long as you think the guy's worth. If you like him a lot, give him some time. If not, move on. Bear in mind, though, some guys need some sort of encouragement. Can you find him online again and just say "Hey, I had fun"? He probably doesn't need that, but he may and if you find yourself waiting too long, you might try it. Good luck!
refurb Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 I read so many replies that include "if he/she is interested in you then they'll call you. If they don't call, they aren't interested". I wonder how many times BOTH parties took that advice. RF
AriaIncognito Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 I read so many replies that include "if he/she is interested in you then they'll call you. If they don't call, they aren't interested". I wonder how many times BOTH parties took that advice. RF That's a very good point, RF. I'd think though that if someone says they will contact you, then you can assume that you can wait. If this guy didn't say anything about contact, then give it a few days, and give him a call and tell him you had fun. No harm, no foul.
Shygirl15 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Last weekend I went out with someone I met on line. We had literally just spoken for the first time on the phone the day before when he gave me his phone number. He asked if I wanted to have dinner with him, I said yes. We went out for sushi. The evening was nice, we chatted quite a bit without those uncomfortable silences. Nothing weird or out there. I am still feeling him out - as he seems edgy rather than your "average guy type", although I am still not 100% sure about it. We left the evening on a good note, I told him I had plans later that night (which was true), and we went our seperate ways. He said that he was going out of town on business the next day (Sunday). It is now Monday, I have no idea how long he will be out of town. So here is my question : What is an acceptable amout of time that someone should return a call or at least contact someone after a get together? Also, he asked for me to go out to dinner on the phone to which I agreed. I am from the old school and think it's more appropo for a man to chase the woman, and I will allow him to do so. Obviously, if I never hear from him again, then he's not interested. So how long before I make that judgement? He asked you to go out to dinner on phone; was this after your get together or before? I'm trying to find out if he called you at least once after your date. I personally, expect my date to make follow up plans, or whatever it may be after a get together. If he sits there expecting me to do the prompting or chasing, then he's not the guy for me. About him being edgy, most people are likely to behave that way on 1st dates I think. Probably he also thought you were edgy. My BF behaved the same way on our 1st date, and I almost wrote him off. I'm glad I gave him a 2nd opportunity though..
Calisto Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 What does sushi have to do with it? They went out for sushi. She was making a light-hearted, funny title to her thread to capture attention because they went out for sushi originally and she is unsure of how to proceed from there. I don't think you should call him or contact him in any way. I am old-school, too. If he really wants to see you again because he was taken by you on your first date, he will call. There is really nothing you can do to estimate when you should "give up." His business trip may last a few days or a couple weeks, who knows? He might choose to call you from his trip or wait until he gets home. In the meantime, if you get other offers and you want to go out, do it! Don't put all your eggs in one basket they say.
Shygirl15 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 If this guy didn't say anything about contact, then give it a few days, and give him a call and tell him you had fun. No harm, no foul. Of course she had fun, so what. She can have plenty of fun with another guy who's responsive. Morten, you really don't want to start off with this guy on a wrong foot; you'll be the one doing the calling and chasing everyday. You don't even have to wait for him to call, just move on. If he calls fine, otherwise get yourself another date for sushi.
Author mortensorchid Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 I just now got a text message from him asking how the party was that I went to later on that night. I haven't responded yet. I don't know if he's back in town or not. How long should I NOW wait to respond to this?
Geishawhelk Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 What does sushi have to do with it? I'm heavily into sushi. I don't like people taking the name of good food in vain. I'd rather have the sushi than the bloke, in fact. Any time! :D
Keridan Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Don't make him wait over the text message Just reply to that. If you want to play hard to get, do it by delaying dates or something. If you show no interest, you will lose him. A text is his way of "feeling things out" and since he didn't call, he is prolly gun-shy
Touche Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 I'm heavily into sushi. I don't like people taking the name of good food in vain. I'd rather have the sushi than the bloke, in fact. Any time! :D I'd rather have the sushi too!
Calisto Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Don't make him wait over the text message Just reply to that. If you want to play hard to get, do it by delaying dates or something. If you show no interest, you will lose him. A text is his way of "feeling things out" and since he didn't call, he is prolly gun-shy I have to disagree. I think you can wait a day to answer his text. But - be very brief in answering his txt. You don't want a guy who's going to rely on text all the time instead of calling you. I would txt "Had a great time. Hope you are well!'
Keridan Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 No! You can't disagree with me! I know everything! Okay ... okay ... I think you have a point.
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Mike: So how long do I wait to call? Trent: A day. Mike: Tomorrow. Sue: Tomorrow, then a day. Trent: Yeah. Mike: So two days? Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days. Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard. Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think? Sue: Yeah, but two's enough not to look anxious. Trent: Yeah, two's enough not to look anxious. But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you... Mike: Yeah, but you know what, mabey I'll wait 3 weeks. How's that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number. Charles: Then ask her where you met her. Mike: Yeah, I'll ask her where I met her. I don't remember. What does she look like? And then I'll asked if we ****ed. Is that... would that be... T, would that be the money? Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party. Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies? Trent, Sue: Six days. Sorry, it just seemed appropriate. Not quite the historic "So Money" speech, but a little more relevant in this situation. Personally, I'd answer him today, and send another call/text on Wednesday. Tuesdays never seem to be fun, and Wednesday is when people start planning for the weekend. It's timed far enough from this past weekend that you're not obsessing over him, and it's far enough in advance of next weekend that he's not a last-minute thought. But that's just my never-so-humble opinion.
imbewildered Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I just now got a text message from him asking how the party was that I went to later on that night. I haven't responded yet. I don't know if he's back in town or not. How long should I NOW wait to respond to this? Reply NOW. Nothing pisses a guy off more that some female who is playing by the "the rules".. Gawd ladies, why not just act like grown up girls and text/call him back when you get a message from him. Drop all this juvenile calculation of "how long should I wait " . It never works. Just be spontaneous with guys.You will be thioght of as a delightful breath of fresh air. WE stuggle with the world out there. Demanding bosses, baitches for secretaries, traffic snarls, bank loans, house renovators who do bad work ...we do NOT want a relationship with someone who is adding to our burdens by playing mindgames. Secondly - a prompt reply is seen as good manners. I am old school and I would dump a new prospect who played these games. I expect women to act with courtesy and respect towards men.
Tomcat33 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I just now got a text message from him asking how the party was that I went to later on that night. I haven't responded yet. I don't know if he's back in town or not. How long should I NOW wait to respond to this? Respond to the text, don't wait. A text message is not like a phone call or email where by you are not glued to your phone or your comp, but most people carry their cels with them so if you wait a few days etc to respond to the text it will look like you are making excuses to respond and that spells GAMES and it spells trying way too hard. Why would you want to fck with the guy's head when he is obviously trying to connect with you? He is contacting you and clearly wants to know about you, so contact him back no games, and ask him how his trip is going make it casual, and wouldn't mention dinner let him bring it up. Yes have your life and miss a call or text or email etc because you are busy and wait for him to make plans/chase you but don't play silly games of waiting to contact him, that is unnatural and that is playing games.
imbewildered Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Why would you want to fck with the guy's head when he is obviously trying to connect with you? Great advice ...Take this advice and act on it and NEVER play 'hard to get games" with a guy who is interested in you UNLESS you have zero interest in him. Any guy who has a smidgen of self respect will not play.These game ALWAYS backfire - they never increase your preceived value, they just ANNOY men.
Tomcat33 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Great advice ...Take this advice and act on it and NEVER play 'hard to get games" with a guy who is interested in you UNLESS you have zero interest in him. Any guy who has a smidgen of self respect will not play.These game ALWAYS backfire - they never increase your preceived value, they just ANNOY men. Funny because I posted my comment as you did yours and when I read your post was going to add listen to this guy, who better to tell you what works and what doens't than a guy himself? "Wait to text back" WHY? Sure guys like to chase but I think guys also like to know that their actions are being reciprocated somewhat, men have feelings too and want to feel appreciated not made to feel like they are doing all this work to be faced with silly and mostly unecessary obstacles.
imbewildered Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Funny because I posted my comment as you did yours and when I read your post was going to add listen to this guy, who better to tell you what works and what doens't than a guy himself? "Wait to text back" WHY? Sure guys like to chase but I think guys also like to know that their actions are being reciprocated somewhat, men have feelings too and want to feel appreciated not made to feel like they are doing all this work to be faced with silly and mostly unecessary obstacles. Yup - nice ! Girls, you will NEVER be more appealing or get more POWER in the dating game by playing these old favorites ( 'hard to get' games ). You get what you want by having a life , a personality, an appearance and a CHARACTER that good men want. The last part is what keep men in LTRs. Your Character is paramount. Your actions which displays you as a person who lives a life of consideration , etiquette and manners, self responsibility and femininity are what will keep THAT man bonded ( and get that second date ).
Author mortensorchid Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 Ok, I will send a text now. It's nearly 9 pm, he sent it at 5:30 pm today. It will be lite and airy. I'll update as to what happens.
Tomcat33 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Ok, I will send a text now. It's nearly 9 pm, he sent it at 5:30 pm today. It will be lite and airy. I'll update as to what happens. Yeaaaayyyyy!!! do keep us posted...oooooh how excititing! Yup - nice ! Girls, you will NEVER be more appealing or get more POWER in the dating game by playing these old favorites ( 'hard to get' games ). You get what you want by having a life , a personality, an appearance and a CHARACTER that good men want. The last part is what keep men in LTRs. Your Character is paramount. Your actions which displays you as a person who lives a life of consideration , etiquette and manners, self responsibility and femininity are what will keep THAT man bonded ( and get that second date ). Aww that's framable IBW!
Shygirl15 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Ok, I will send a text now. It's nearly 9 pm, he sent it at 5:30 pm today. It will be lite and airy. I'll update as to what happens. Good, keep us posted!
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