PerfectLee Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 I'm not one to keep in touch with any of my ex's, they're ex's for a reason. I've been with my GF for 4 years now, recently engaged, and very happy. I'm 32 years old and my first love happened when I was 15 and lasted for 2 years. I've had relationships in between of course, but nothing intense. My 1st love cheated on me and I left, we lost touch and I lived much of my 20's having moments of disgust that it happened the way it did. I played the "What if" game and eventually got over it. Afterall...we were 17 years old! 5 years ago (a year before I met my current GF) he contacted me, we met, he apologized for being an ass and wanted to be friends. We re-found each other, the friendship worked, we were both adults now, and we still had a connection. I found out he had a GF & they shared a child, he lived in a different state, we weren't a threat to each other at all. It was odd but when I met my GF, I told her about how I talk to one of my ex's and he's not a threat to us whatsoever. Eventually they became aquaintances and exchanged in some conversations. She asked him to tell her a story about our childhood, and he thought it would be a great idea to tell her a story about a time when he and I were making out in my house and my parents came home and he had to hide. It was 15 years ago, no big deal right? Well...she also didn't expect to hear a story like that. It was quite awkward for her so I told him we shouldn't talk anymore. So now it's been 3 years since he and I have spoken and I felt compelled to contact him. Why? I don't know. Maybe because he's the one person who has known me the longest out of everyone I know, maybe because we made great friends as adults, maybe because he knows me better than most people I've known in a shorter time. It's not sexual whatsoever, like I said-I don't believe in keeping in touch with ex's, but my gut tells me that if and when I tell my GF that I'm talking to him again, she'll BLOW! I don't see him as a threat, maybe he didn't have the best taste in storytelling-and in my mind we are just friends (with a past). Should I keep it from her and simply talk to him every once in a while? Should I tell her and hope that she doesn't blow, and if I do-how do I tell her? Believe me, I want to tell her, I don't want to keep secrets-if she found out I was keeping this from her she could assume him and I were up to no good. Plus, we're engaged, and I don't want to keep something so simple from her. My question is how?
Abomination Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 I think you should just concentrate on yourself and your GF. If you were to talk to this guy in secret, it would create all sorts of problems, as you've already said yourself. Maybe it would help for you to put yourself in your girl's shoes. Would you want her to talk to an ex? I'm sure you'd feel at least uneasy about it, right? It's risky business, contactnig the ex WHILE being in a new relationship, and being engaged. Some old feelings might resurface, and you just end up making things hard for yourself. It was a long time ago, and it's probably best to keep the past where it belongs. Just my humble opinion. - A
Author PerfectLee Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 I know you're right Abomination, and I thought hard about placing myself in my GF's shoes. I wouldn't want her speaking to her ex either, that's a whole other post on why, but even though it's two different situations, it doesn't make it wrong or right.
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