Owl Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 You make it clear to her that you'll no longer accept her LYING to you about what she remembers/doesn't remember. You call her out on her "good memory", and point out that you know full well she remembers, but that she's avoiding telling you the truth by LYING to you about it. You set a hard line in the sand...and make it very, very clear what the consequences are for not telling the truth to you at this point.
Author Planofool Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 I wonder if this is a topic worth drawing the line in the sand. Maybe I need to save that for something more important. Why should I care who she slept with before I came along?
bish Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Just this weekend she was talking about how good her memory is. So how do I get her to admit that she remembers who she slept with and confess? You really want to know the only way? You have to be prepared to tell her, and make good on the promise, that you want a divorce. As long as she thinks you won't leave her, she'll lie to you til the end. As far as I can see, there have been no real consequences to her actions. So why would she admit anything? She has it made.
bish Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I wonder if this is a topic worth drawing the line in the sand. Maybe I need to save that for something more important. Why should I care who she slept with before I came along? You shouldn't care who she slept with before you came along. But if gave you a bull#$%^ answer of "I don't remember" with regards to her X, then how do you know her EA is ONLY an EA? Bottom line, she crossed the line with another guy...whether an EA or a PA, it doesn't matter. She lies to you. For all you know she could be still carrying on an EA or had a PA. But you'll never know because she lies and will continue to lie as long as she knows you won't do anything about it.
Author Planofool Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 That's a good point I hadn't thought about. All these years of her distorting the truth about her cousin and the other man........
Owl Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Agreed...the question is more about the ongoing LIES rather than it is about infidelity at this point. If you can't trust her, are you willing to stay married to her? As far as whether this is worth drawing a "line in the sand"...that's up to you. You're the only person who can really be a judge of that. You raised a concern that you've been unable to resolve for 27 years...the "line in the sand" is probably going to be the only way to get to the bottom of it. I offered it as an option..its up to you whether or not YOU feel that the situation requires it or not.
Author Planofool Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 The thing is how do you deal with the fact that for 27 yrs she had another man that she kept in touch with off and on. He sent her love letters, called, and bought her gifts. Sometimes there would be years between contacts, but it still happened. When he called our house she would say oh it was just cousin Harry. That's not a lie but it doesn't tell the whole story. If I said what did he want she would say something like, he just called to see if we were all going to the family reunion. Again probably not lying but not the whole story. This is what gets me pissed off the most......27 yrs of deception, maybe not lies but deffinately deception. The same with the other two men in her life. No lies but lots of deception.
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