mundyfan Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Hi all, New to this forum. I broke up the ex girlfriend over 3 years ago who i dated for 6 months. We got on really well, amazing in fact and that is both our feelings. She dumped me out of the blue. There was no one else involved. She is a very independant woman and does not want to get tied down. She likes to do her own thing and does not want to have to check with anyone if she wants to do things. Not that she would have to but that is what she felt. Basically we have been kissing, sleeping together for the past 3 years still. We meet each other when in bars, on night's out. Some text messages, facebook etc. We rarely arrange to meet up but happens as we are from the same town. We have hooked up twice in the last few weeks and got on so well and she came back to mine. We ended up in bed together both nights. Few of my girl friends have said that some women dont want an ex but dont want anyone else to have him. Also that she likes knowing that i am still mad about her and some women like that ? Their is an age gap of 5 years. I am 30, she is 25. What is a womans opinion on why we end up together ? Is she using me ? She is not a bad person and don't think she is doing it on purpose. I feel like an idiot as when we end up together it is great, then she goes home the next day and i dont hear from her apart from a few texts, most of which i send to her first. We have both tried the no contact thing but we have common froends so is very diffucult Is there something in this or is it a waste of time ? Thanks folks
CaliGuy Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Not a woman, but.... Three years. No talk of anything, only gets together for hook ups. Do you want more from her and have expressed it? If so, then yes you are being used. If you haven't said anything to her then she is assuming you're ok with things the way they are.
justine4 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Mundy rules by the way - Galway Girl - pure brilliant.... As far as this is concerned, she is obviously comfortable with you and happy to go home with you at the end of the night. You seem to be a bit like a comfort blanket for her. She is at ease with you, knows she can get her bit of 'comfort' yet isn't in a relationship with you, therefore, if someone 'better' (for want of a better word) comes along, she is free to go out with them. (I speaking from an Irish point of view here, where if you're bf/gf you don't date other people. I understand thats different in other parts of the world) If she doesn't want a relationship, and you do, you're in for a bumpy ride whenever that new guy comes along. Do you think you can handle it if/when this happens? You have to sit down and really consider what you want out of this. Maybe talk it through with her and have a serious talk about this 'habit' you're both used to with each other. Also, whilst you're doing this with her, you're stopping yourself from finding someone who really will take you into consideration and want a proper relationship with you. You're the only one who can decide.
TrustInYourself Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Mundy rules by the way - Galway Girl - pure brilliant.... As far as this is concerned, she is obviously comfortable with you and happy to go home with you at the end of the night. You seem to be a bit like a comfort blanket for her. She is at ease with you, knows she can get her bit of 'comfort' yet isn't in a relationship with you, therefore, if someone 'better' (for want of a better word) comes along, she is free to go out with them. (I speaking from an Irish point of view here, where if you're bf/gf you don't date other people. I understand thats different in other parts of the world) If she doesn't want a relationship, and you do, you're in for a bumpy ride whenever that new guy comes along. Do you think you can handle it if/when this happens? You have to sit down and really consider what you want out of this. Maybe talk it through with her and have a serious talk about this 'habit' you're both used to with each other. Also, whilst you're doing this with her, you're stopping yourself from finding someone who really will take you into consideration and want a proper relationship with you. You're the only one who can decide. No need to talk to her. It's obvious by her actions she wants her independence. You want her to respect and love you? Then accept her for who she is. Respect her independence. If you can't handle it, you can end it. Keep in mind, there are games you can play with her heart and mind due to the open situation. It's up to you if you want to play those games. Mature relationships tend to avoid those games.
carrotgirl Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 mundy, the first thing that went through my head as I read this was, it doesn't seem like these two are even friends. Think about your coworkers. The coworkers you're truly friends with are the people you spend time together with outside of anything work related. The rest are just coworkers. Do you spend time with this woman doing anything else other than meeting for drinks and hooking up? Do you have coffee together? Take a walk? See a movie? Do you think it's more than ***cbuddies? Carrot
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