ate_the_paint Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 This is still new to me but I like reading everyone's breakup stories..I'm not a masochist they just give me some sort of inner strength...like I'm not alone. So here's mine! If it's too long then ignore. My fiance (gf of six years) has a job in marine research where she goes out on boats for a week at a time. Usually she would go out twice a month and every time it was hard for us. I've supported her job for almost two years now even though I hated it every time she left. This past Christmas was awesome! She stayed home the whole month and we had an amazingly romantic time together. Then she started going out ALOT on one particular boat. When she was home she was distant and started drinking heavily and became a mean drunk, rather than her usually bubbly self. She lost all sorts of weight and started getting new sexy underwear. Our wedding was for July. The invites were ordered. She had gone dress shopping with my mom in Feb and put a $900 deposit down on one! Suddenly in April she came to me, crying, saying "I don't want to get married!" and collapsed in my arms. I was shocked and hurt. I was worried about our relationship and she said "I just want to take a step back. Be bf/gf again." She still wore the engagement ring. The day after that we stayed in a nice beach bungalow and had a romantic and passionate evening and watched the sun rise. She had a flight that morning. We kissed each other goodbye...I thought she had a weird look in her eyes...and she turned her cell phone off. Two weeks later she came back. We were both wrecks. She kept saying "I need to take a step back" and she would leave and come back and leave and come back...I broke down. "What's happening?" I cried. "I'm going away and YOU'RE NOT COMING WITH ME!" she shouted back at me. She kept kissing me and hugging me and saying "I'm sorry...I love you..I need to take a step back...everything will be alright..." I told her she could keep her stuff safe here so that was one thing she didn't have to worry about. I told her I would give her time. All her stuff was left with me. Her clothes, her jewellery, our car, our cats, our furniture we picked out, our bed, etc. She only took a backpack of her 'boat clothes'. She wasn't wearing the ring. Two weeks later she called and she was cold. "All these guys are trying to pick me up and it's great!" she told me. "I'm not coming back!" she said. Then she let me go. WTF? Then her friend called me because she was concerned. Apparently my (ex?) fiance had been bragging about how fun "playing the field " was and how she could "still ride the bike". Then credit card statements arrived. Dinners at restaurants for $60 that I had never been to. All during the time she was on that ONE boat. Then I snooped in her email and found messages from this one guy, on that ONE boat, saying "We still on for Calgary July 9-12?" July 12 was to be our wedding day. I got angry, packed up all her stuff. I moved all her clothes into the spare room closet (man, was that ever hard...shed a few tears doing that and I'm a guy!). She tried calling and I ignored the calls. I went NC on her. She tried calling mutual friends when she was on land and was asking them if I was dating. She tried calling me. Her calls became more frequent. The other day I answered one of her calls and she was sheepish and nervous and asking about whether I was dating or not. She wants to keep her stuff here longer. She was worried that I was going to move away. At night I crawl into bed, stare at the empty closet, and my heart feels like it's going to slink up my throat and drip out my nose. That's my story. WTF?
underpants Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Don't marry her. Don't give her another chance. Rid her from your present and future life. Be real strong about it. Even if you have to fake it to make it. Pack her stuff and take it to someone who cares. You have dodged a serious bullet.
qsmiles70 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Sorry you had to go through that. Thanks for sharing your story. You know you are better without her and you'll find someone who really deserves you. Good luck.
Sks Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Tell her to pick her **** up, if she doesn't pick it up within a certain amount of time call the dump and have them dispose of it. Don't get back with her, laugh in her face and tell her she had her chance with you, she blew it.
sumdude Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Heart goes out to ya... I've been through it and still am in a small way. The other posters are right.. you have to rid yourself of her, her stuff and anything that will remind you of her.. It's gonna hurt like heck for a while but you'll get through it.
serendip Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Then her friend called me because she was concerned. Apparently my (ex?) fiance had been bragging about how fun "playing the field " was and how she could "still ride the bike". Then credit card statements arrived. Dinners at restaurants for $60 that I had never been to. All during the time she was on that ONE boat. Then I snooped in her email and found messages from this one guy, on that ONE boat, saying "We still on for Calgary July 9-12?" July 12 was to be our wedding day. It looks like she was cheating on you. The pain kills knowing you gave your all to the relationship only to realized your partner considered you disposable. It happened to me dude....it's a shock to the system...It will take a long time to heal. Best to do NC until you can process all the info...or else it gets insanely emotional leading to serious drama.
critter909 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Feel for you! Going through a similar thing. By bf of 9+ years and I broke up 3 weeks ago and I suspect he was cheating. I agree with the other posters, it absolutly kills, but you have to keep up the NC. There really isn't any coming back from this, you can't get over the betrayal. I feel like my insides have been put in a blender, how do you take back someone that has done that to you?
Author ate_the_paint Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 I need to sort out the utilities in her name, the car title (she said she would give it to me), the lease on our place, the furniture, and all her crap that is here, so we'll have to meet at some point. She's coming up in a few days and I am shaking in my boots. I miss her so bad and I still love her so much and keep going from "You evil rotten skank" to "I'll forgive her and we can fix this relationship"...any advice on how to approach the above-mentioned subjects and stay strong in front of her? Thanks guys.
sumdude Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I need to sort out the utilities in her name, the car title (she said she would give it to me), the lease on our place, the furniture, and all her crap that is here, so we'll have to meet at some point. She's coming up in a few days and I am shaking in my boots. I miss her so bad and I still love her so much and keep going from "You evil rotten skank" to "I'll forgive her and we can fix this relationship"...any advice on how to approach the above-mentioned subjects and stay strong in front of her? Thanks guys. Having been through it... try to plan in advance what you are going to do and say, keep a time limit on it, keep the conversation on business.. and put on your poker face. Later when she leaves you can let it all hang out.
justaman99 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 She's coming up in a few days and I am shaking in my boots. I miss her so bad and I still love her so much and keep going from "You evil rotten skank" to "I'll forgive her and we can fix this relationship"...any advice on how to approach the above-mentioned subjects and stay strong in front of her? Thanks guys. I know it will be hard NOT to be angry so when she does come around at least leave a picture in her mind that you were able to keep your emotions in check. She'll admire you more for that in the long run. Just prepare yourself and stand strong. Remember she left you, said some BS about having all these guys hitting on her and it's great and she's never coming back. That was awfully considerate of you wasn't it? Let her live that life if she wants it. Someday she'll regret what she's done just probably not right now but be a man, don't whimper, cry and get soft. -Just
Author ate_the_paint Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 Thanks everyone, especially underpants...you are like a stone wall of defiance in the face of adversity (I checked out some of your other posts)... I sent her a short email that basically said I don't want any contact with her except to discuss business (our stuff, etc.). I kept it short and polite. She still tried to call and I ignored the call, but at least now she knows why. I'm trying to be the adult here... As everyone here must know, it's the little things that hurt. We met in the Rockies...now when I see a mountain my heart hurts. We shared adventures in Asia...now when I see anything Korean my heart hurts...we develloped a love of wine with each other...now when I see a wine bottle my heart hurts...and so much more....it's going to be a hard road ahead. I just try to seperate that beautiful person who told me I was her soul-mate from the cheating monster that broke my heart. At least that way I shorten that pedestal down a little. This site actually helps me be a little bit stronger. Thanks.
chrisanderson Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Thanks everyone, especially underpants...you are like a stone wall of defiance in the face of adversity (I checked out some of your other posts)... I sent her a short email that basically said I don't want any contact with her except to discuss business (our stuff, etc.). I kept it short and polite. She still tried to call and I ignored the call, but at least now she knows why. I'm trying to be the adult here... As everyone here must know, it's the little things that hurt. We met in the Rockies...now when I see a mountain my heart hurts. We shared adventures in Asia...now when I see anything Korean my heart hurts...we develloped a love of wine with each other...now when I see a wine bottle my heart hurts...and so much more....it's going to be a hard road ahead. I just try to seperate that beautiful person who told me I was her soul-mate from the cheating monster that broke my heart. At least that way I shorten that pedestal down a little. This site actually helps me be a little bit stronger. Thanks. Yup man, I know the feeling. My ex fiance was such a big part of my life, the little things I see "hurt my heart" like you said. You just feel a little pain in the chest, then it passes. What I had to do in my mind was bury the old fiance, the person who I knew her to be. I had an imaginary funeral for her because she NO LONGER EXISTS. The person I see now, the person who left me to "see what else is out there" is a person I don't recognize. How can they be so cruel? I'll never know...
sumdude Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Yup man, I know the feeling. My ex fiance was such a big part of my life, the little things I see "hurt my heart" like you said. You just feel a little pain in the chest, then it passes. What I had to do in my mind was bury the old fiance, the person who I knew her to be. I had an imaginary funeral for her because she NO LONGER EXISTS. The person I see now, the person who left me to "see what else is out there" is a person I don't recognize. How can they be so cruel? I'll never know... I had a few ceremonies.... had a 'funeral pyre' of love letters... put some pictures through the shredder... repainted over her color in the bedroom... etc
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