Lucky555 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I have been told i have no game. I can get the guy to be interested or he is interested and then all of a sudden we are together and i guess i just stop "the game" or whatever its called. My friend has said you need to set boundaries and also get game! I am like what is this? Being not available all the time, keeping my own things to do like being too busy sometimes, and basically speaking my mind almost all the time. I should be concerned with myself and let HIM accommodate on my terms. Don't be so understanding and don't change your time for him. Shes actually engaged, does not have a stable job, her finance has a good job, and she goes to school. Sometimes she waitresses here and there but not much. Now, what is this just keep my life going don't care about the guy and keep busy? Let him come to me is what she means. Does anyone have advise?
ls3360 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 I don't know what "got game" means in this context. Could you be more specific?
Suiyobi Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 It's what your friend said. Basically, you need to show the guy that you do have a life outside of him; in other words, your life should not revolve around him alone. So this means that it's actually okay to say that you aren't available every time the guy asks you out and he'll understand, likewise, he hopes that you'll understand if he himself won't be available every time you ask him out. Also, he wants you to have your opinion on matters and actually tell him what you think, rather than always agreeing with everything he says. But what I'd like to know is, did the guy actually tell you that you didn't have game? Or was it your friend who said it? Because maybe the guy is actually happy with the way you are but your friend is trying to mold you into a date-able person according to what a majority of society thinks. But if the guy is the one that actually said you don't have game then you might want to take that into consideration. Don't dwell on it, obviously, but realize that you can still improve. I have been told i have no game. I can get the guy to be interested or he is interested and then all of a sudden we are together and i guess i just stop "the game" or whatever its called. My friend has said you need to set boundaries and also get game! I am like what is this? Being not available all the time, keeping my own things to do like being too busy sometimes, and basically speaking my mind almost all the time. I should be concerned with myself and let HIM accommodate on my terms. Don't be so understanding and don't change your time for him. Shes actually engaged, does not have a stable job, her finance has a good job, and she goes to school. Sometimes she waitresses here and there but not much. Now, what is this just keep my life going don't care about the guy and keep busy? Let him come to me is what she means. Does anyone have advise?
eric82 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 i never heard someone use "game" in that context. usually i associate "game" with things like flirting and letting someone know you're interested without saying it while not coming on too strong. i think the point your friend is trying to make is you should keep things in your life (personal hobbies, goals, ambitions, etc.) that don't depend on having a boyfriend because then you don't only define yourself by that relationship or lack thereof. it's so easy to lose yourself in 'love' that you unintentionally neglect many other aspects of your life (friends, family, career, etc.), either because you become so wrapped up in being with/pleasing a partner or you become so wrapped up in finding a partner that it controls your life. your friend is right to an extent.. you should not be available all the time, you should keep doing things you like, you should stand up for yourself when necessary... but your motivation to do these things shouldn't be "game", or to manipulate someone else. when you have a purpose to your life besides finding/keeping love, then you'll naturally become busier with all the hobbies, goals, etc. you have. you'll naturally stand up for yourself more because you'll have a stronger sense of who you are that isn't as dependent on what a guy thinks of you.
CaliGuy Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 What your friend is saying is that you need a well-balanced life. You need friends, hobbies and things that you do on your own that do not include your current BF. You should never, ever allow someone to be the entire focus of your existence. Maintain some of your independence. It's the same thing I tell door mat "nice guys." They put so much focus on winning the girl, pressuring for a relationship that everything they do and say pushes a woman away. It makes them feel suffocated in the relationship. The more freedom you give your s/o to come and go, the more likely they'll want to come with you. The more you pressure them for more than they are willing to give (at the time) the more likely they are to leave.
Author Lucky555 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 so the person that says i don't have game is a female friend. I believe people should have our own lives ect. however below is as follows. Don't be too available was a highly suggested idea of hers. Let Him come after you Don't let him know what your doing. DO not give him a time table....i am a very time table person due to how much stuff i have to do. i shouldn't show interest too much even if i like him. Is all of this attractive? I do have my own life and i do stand up for myself, and I think some guys get comfortable and they lose interest because they know what your doing or they know you care or they know that you are into them. So to prevent the guy from getting comfortable i should not be available, don't always pick up the calls, and do all the stuff she says? I have noticed myself that once the guy is comfortable hes no longer handing out the compliments nor is he paying as much attention AND I DON'T LIKE IT! When something changes like this i think he loses interest and i start backing away usually to the point of termination of the relationship. Its like the guy he turns into another guy. I am a person who is usually open minded and i am not into "games of the heart". SO maybe i need to be Mysterious? I also don't let guys into my life either like telling them everything about myself because i feel they should take the time to get to know me ect. So when shes says "you have no game" i am like so communicating, sharing interests, and having him know what i am doing is not right? I just like relationships to go smooth and work together. Shes saying nope do your thing who cares about him and if he wants to see you he can call you. Is this true?
xpaperxcutx Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Read the book Play or Be Played... hopefully it helps with said "game".
Author Lucky555 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 thank you paper cut i read the intro just now in that book! sounds exactly what i thought "game" was which i thought was negative when its actually not. I can't wait to have time to read this! thanks Oh and thanks to the posters too!
EC Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 I read the book ' Why Men Marry B*tches" and the entire book explained what your friend is saying. It's funny though because I was like yourself. Always giving, very open, giving out timetables..and what not. I ended up meeting a great guy and didn't want to mess it up this time so i started doing what the book said. I would be busy some nights, not let him know I was 'that' interested in him, playing hard to get..and in the end he stopped talking to me. I finally asked him what went wrong and he told me I was too 'shady'. lol So In the end I say just be yourself. When you meet the right person they will like you for you. Maybe all of those things work for your girlfriend but not everyone is the same. Just keep being yourself.
Author Lucky555 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 EC " I read the book ' Why Men Marry B*tches" and the entire book explained what your friend is saying" I have read the same book and thought it could solve my problems! It only helped me to see that i need to not tolerate BS! Yes its about meeting the right person ect. I think also its probably best for me to keep my wits about me and play. I think in the past i have been too available and i stopped having fun. When the relationship is new i am curious and excited and playing and laughing. IT IS FUN! When i start to develop feelings then i find it not so fun anymore because i start to care about what the guy does. So how do i manage this? The problem is when the guy disrespects me I don't speak up. Maybe he does something unintentionally but i will hold it against him. I think i need to start tactically speaking up so i don't end something great with someone its about compromise and respect not silence and resentment. I am analyzing myself to have a fuller and happier life. I don't want to stop having fun in a relationship just because of small issues. I also don't want to start becoming a monster due to holding things till i just break up with them. My new plan after reading your posts everyone: Speak up tactfully when a problem arises and don't hold things inside HAVE FUN and stop being so serious and enjoy the relationship and i do this by speaking up about issues, solving, compromising, and respect. Keep my instincts in check, be aware of what is going on and trust in myself. Don't become attached until the relationship is trusting and committed. Let him come to me and not be too available. I feel like this sometimes when i am having a lot of the guy i get bored and know they are always there but if hes gone i miss him alot. So i should give him space and a chance to miss me. Lots of space for each person so that we can grow as a couple instead of going fast. SLOW IT DOWN don't take anything he says too much because its all about actions which speak louder than words. Keep my own life have fun with friends and basically stop caring i have my own things to do Let him come to me. keep a balance in check if its me 90% and him 10% well then its not balanced. Keep meeting people and making friends even if i am with someone. Don't let him try to control me. Don't become the guys mom or his maid. Do for myself and don't expect him to do anything. I believe these are some things i have thought of from what you all have told me. When i start caring i become MUSH! My "game" becomes no longer anything it just dies. I start to panick about the future or i start expecting and become disappointed and more serious. TOTALLY NOT ME. I love fun, love, and living and i need to keep those in check.
Trialbyfire Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 So In the end I say just be yourself. When you meet the right person they will like you for you. Maybe all of those things work for your girlfriend but not everyone is the same. Just keep being yourself. I keep saying this over and over again to both men and women on LS. All you have to do is remember the times that some guy went pretzel on you, then after a length of time, they start showing who they are and you're going "WTF? Who is this person?". Promise less, deliver more.
Author Lucky555 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 very good input Trialbyfire! I am going to be myself. I have not been myself and nor did understand it until a light bulb went off in my head after may months here on LS! Which my whole list of things that i wrote down are things that i would probably normally do if I were myself. I'm tired of being mush and not me hahaha thank you
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