serendip Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I was just cleaning out my email account...getting rid of things I have no use for anymore and I came across this email from the ex...it doesn't bother me as much now but at the time it was screwing with my mind(the sequence of events that happen) Background - We found each other after we broke up in the 90's(we are in our early 30's when we met again). Ex and I were in a super happy relationship(we never fought...had discussions rather then disagreements) and she always told me how truly happy she was(we had great adventures together...life was always exciting). I made sure she felt loved every day we were together...since I didn't want to screw up our second chance at it. She had finished schooling and was considering moving to west coast for job opportunities. I didn't really want to move but I supported what ever decision she decided. The night before she was going to west coast to check out job opportunities...she tells me she is 90% sure she wants to stay in my town b/c she loves me too much to leave. I told her I would support what ever she did and we would make things work. So she sends me this email...while she was out there... I wish you were here with me...I am staying in a gorgeous 3 storey cabin in the rainforest with a 5km running route on gravel terain along the ocean. THe air is fantastic out here...this place is amazing and it does look like there would be good potential to build a practice out here. I took a surfing lesson yesterday and the weather has been sunny and gorgeous Anyhow, I'll email you soon...I miss you alot and I wish you could be here with me...THe jacuzzi is HUGE in the cabin and we could cuddle together and cook dinner together... tlk soon! I love you so much. The next day she cheats on me.. It was quite the mindf**k...trying to figure out why... I've given up on trying to figure things out...since there is no point. It's not my issue...it's her issue.
foxh1234 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 That's terrible man. I wish I knew why they do the things they do. My ex was still doing everything with me and telling me all the things I wanted to hear but secretly sleeping with someone else for 3 months!!! Why not just tell me, I'm done, goodbye. Why f**k with us before leaving us ? I don't have the answers, I don't even want to think about it anymore. She is free to do whatever she wants I guess. All we can do man is try and move forward and put everything behind us, mindf**ks included.
northstar1 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I was just cleaning out my email account...getting rid of things I have no use for anymore and I came across this email from the ex...it doesn't bother me as much now but at the time it was screwing with my mind(the sequence of events that happen) Background - We found each other after we broke up in the 90's(we are in our early 30's when we met again). Ex and I were in a super happy relationship(we never fought...had discussions rather then disagreements) and she always told me how truly happy she was(we had great adventures together...life was always exciting). I made sure she felt loved every day we were together...since I didn't want to screw up our second chance at it. She had finished schooling and was considering moving to west coast for job opportunities. I didn't really want to move but I supported what ever decision she decided. The night before she was going to west coast to check out job opportunities...she tells me she is 90% sure she wants to stay in my town b/c she loves me too much to leave. I told her I would support what ever she did and we would make things work. So she sends me this email...while she was out there... I wish you were here with me...I am staying in a gorgeous 3 storey cabin in the rainforest with a 5km running route on gravel terain along the ocean. THe air is fantastic out here...this place is amazing and it does look like there would be good potential to build a practice out here. I took a surfing lesson yesterday and the weather has been sunny and gorgeous Anyhow, I'll email you soon...I miss you alot and I wish you could be here with me...THe jacuzzi is HUGE in the cabin and we could cuddle together and cook dinner together... tlk soon! I love you so much. The next day she cheats on me.. It was quite the mindf**k...trying to figure out why... I've given up on trying to figure things out...since there is no point. It's not my issue...it's her issue. That's brutal man. I don't know your story, but I'm guessing you ended things and haven't talked to her since this.
Author serendip Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 That's brutal man. I don't know your story, but I'm guessing you ended things and haven't talked to her since this. Umm..no I didn't know she cheated on me until much later. When she got back from visiting West Coast...I asked her to move into my place(not knowing what she did) until she decided what she wanted to. I did notice her behaviour towards me changed(she would get upset with me without any reasonable explanation). I didn't think much of it at the time...just her wanting to move out west. I know now that she got angry with me b/c she was projecting her guilt at what she did. So she decided to move to the west coast and told me she wanted a LDR with the promise she would return in 2 years. While disappointed I supported it...I didn't know that she cheated on me...nor did I know she was still cheating on me via email with the dude. After 2 mths into our LDR...she told me how she met a guy when she was visiting and how they kept in contact. I was shocked and asked what happened...she told me nothing(I find out later she spent a night in bed with the dude) happened. I asked her to give me space and time to think about it. 2 days later she calls me up crying...I felt bad and didn't think she did anything too bad(I didn't know anything at the time)...so I asked what she wanted. She told me she wanted me. So I told her to stop all contact with the guy and work on our relationship(not knowing the extent of her actions). Come christmas when I was visiting her...I find out she was still in contact with the dude and I also find out she told the dude she loved him while she was living at my house before she moved to the west coast. Her email was open...and I saw many emails to some guy...I read one(the one where she tells him she loved him). Also during that christmas...for some bizzare reason she gave me her password...I didn't use it til much later on. I felt so hurt at the emotional betrayal...we fought during that christmas but I never brought up reading her email. Looking back I should have...it would have changed everything. But anyway I asked her again what she wanted. Again she said she wanted me. So I fought and killed myself to forgive her...only to be cheated on again when the dude came back in May. That's when I snapped...I should have walked away. Then all this drama ensued.
foxh1234 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I'm so sorry man, that is just brutal for her to do that to you. I don't know what else to say, just terrible treatment from someone who claimed to love you. It is so true what someone said on here about go by what someone does and not what they say. Words are cheap and easy but actions speak volumes. Again I am so sorry to hear this man. All I can say is if you ever need to talk, PM me. 24/7 365.
northstar1 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I was just cleaning out my email account...getting rid of things I have no use for anymore and I came across this email from the ex...it doesn't bother me as much now but at the time it was screwing with my mind(the sequence of events that happen) Background - We found each other after we broke up in the 90's(we are in our early 30's when we met again). Ex and I were in a super happy relationship(we never fought...had discussions rather then disagreements) and she always told me how truly happy she was(we had great adventures together...life was always exciting). I made sure she felt loved every day we were together...since I didn't want to screw up our second chance at it. She had finished schooling and was considering moving to west coast for job opportunities. I didn't really want to move but I supported what ever decision she decided. The night before she was going to west coast to check out job opportunities...she tells me she is 90% sure she wants to stay in my town b/c she loves me too much to leave. I told her I would support what ever she did and we would make things work. So she sends me this email...while she was out there... I wish you were here with me...I am staying in a gorgeous 3 storey cabin in the rainforest with a 5km running route on gravel terain along the ocean. THe air is fantastic out here...this place is amazing and it does look like there would be good potential to build a practice out here. I took a surfing lesson yesterday and the weather has been sunny and gorgeous Anyhow, I'll email you soon...I miss you alot and I wish you could be here with me...THe jacuzzi is HUGE in the cabin and we could cuddle together and cook dinner together... tlk soon! I love you so much. The next day she cheats on me.. It was quite the mindf**k...trying to figure out why... I've given up on trying to figure things out...since there is no point. It's not my issue...it's her issue. Sorry to hear that man. LDR is hard enough without having to go through that crap. Hope things are slowly getting better for you now.
Author serendip Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 Thanks guys But I'm actually doing alright considering the horrible things that happened between us. I don't get as sad or angry over what happened anymore...but there still are days where it does suck...but they are so far and few between. It's been a year since the break up and it took me a year to process my emotions and everything that happened. I been in NC for the last 3 months and it has helped a lot with the healing process. She contacted me in May(asking how I was doing and telling me she was thinking about me)...I thought it was kind of lame since she does have a boyfriend and I'm sure he wouldn't like her contacting me. It tells me she hasn't learned from the break up...so it's her issue. I would have forgiven her a long time ago if only she only fully understand what she did...but it seems every time she apologize to me...she would try to justify things or make excuses. It's kind of hard to forgive someone like that. But on my part I should have walked away instead of creating more drama...I was too emotionally involved and angry at the time. But I have learn from it.
northstar1 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Thanks guys But I'm actually doing alright considering the horrible things that happened between us. I don't get as sad or angry over what happened anymore...but there still are days where it does suck...but they are so far and few between. It's been a year since the break up and it took me a year to process my emotions and everything that happened. I been in NC for the last 3 months and it has helped a lot with the healing process. She contacted me in May(asking how I was doing and telling me she was thinking about me)...I thought it was kind of lame since she does have a boyfriend and I'm sure he wouldn't like her contacting me. It tells me she hasn't learned from the break up...so it's her issue. I would have forgiven her a long time ago if only she only fully understand what she did...but it seems every time she apologize to me...she would try to justify things or make excuses. It's kind of hard to forgive someone like that. But on my part I should have walked away instead of creating more drama...I was too emotionally involved and angry at the time. But I have learn from it. Glad to hear that you are doing better - it can take a long time. I'm only still in the first few weeks and I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. I can be fine one minute, then sudden plagued by a thought of her or somethign that reminds me of her, and my stomach drops. I'm trying to do NC - but damn it's hard. Is your ex back in your town, or still out west?
Author serendip Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 Is your ex back in your town, or still out west? She's out west. We met up in March for the first time since the break up...it was pretty harsh for both of us....we had to air out some issues. But she most likely will be out west indefinitely since there is no reason for her to come back to my town since we are no longer together. Most of her friends live in my town. But it doesn't matter to me anyway whether she lives here or out west. She is the past...I have to look forward to the future. What bugs me still is the lost of faith in her....she played the most significant part in my life(the first time we were together)...it was key in my development. I always thought she was good and pure and it made me want to be a better person just having had her in my life. I kept that with me even when we broke up the first time back in the mid 90's. Now it just seems like a lie...and it killed to lose my faith.
sunshinegirl Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 What bugs me still is the lost of faith in her....she played the most significant part in my life(the first time we were together)...it was key in my development. I always thought she was good and pure and it made me want to be a better person just having had her in my life. I kept that with me even when we broke up the first time back in the mid 90's. Now it just seems like a lie...and it killed to lose my faith. I feel the same way. The lies and the cheating put my ex in a wholly different light, like he's a different person - not the guy I dated and loved. The way we ended was so painful...and he polluted every good memory I had of us together. I'm not sure when I'll be able to look back at everything we did together with nostalgia...or whether it will always be tainted by his lies.
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