browneyedgurl Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 It seems like whenever I like a guy or start dating a guy for a month or two they decide they just want to be friends. Recently I was dating a guy and every thing seemed great between us. We enjoyed ourselves on our dates, we talked online since he doesn't like talking on the phone. We even fooled around one evening. The whole time we were talking/dating I thought he wanted more. Well it took him a week to express this to me but he said he just wants to be friends since he has a lot of uncertainty right now since he is going to start grad school in the fall and is still looking for a new job and a place to live since he currently lives with his family to save money. He also doesn't have a desire for a relationship. At least he told me this instead of just letting me hang on what he wanted, but still I was hurt b/c I thought he wanted more and I definitely wanted more with him too and still do. A year ago I was dating this guy who was going to the Air Force and he didn't want anything with me either since he was leaving for basic in Texas. I am a college student as well and it just seems that it is impossible to find a guy who i am interested in who wants to be more than "just friends" I know that everyone is going through difficult times while going through college, like not having enough money, unsure about what the future holds for us. and most of all doing well in school in order to graduate. I am in the same boat with all college students too. I would love to be in a relationship with someone and see how far it takes us b/c. I mean being friends isn't a bad thing especially going through school and all but dang I want more and it's difficult to find Maybe I am not the dateable type... I think I am.. I am outgoing, a nice person, hardworking, and a responsible person. Or maybe i give off the "friend" vibe i do not know. I also know that the guys who have told me they just want to be friends have either hurted someone by breaking up with them in a relationship or have been hurt somehow. I would like to see if anyone has had similar situations and advice me on anything that I may be doing wrong that causes guys to "just want to be friends" . Or do I just need to find guys who are more settled or what. I would appreciate the advice But when you are in a relationship with someone there are always going to be battles like not having enough money, (especially when you are in your 20's), finding places to live, finding a good job, and many other situations.
Author browneyedgurl Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 I always find that when I start dating a guy and eventually want more, they don't and always want to "just be friends" Why is this?
Yamaha Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Your problem is usually encountered by men. Off hand I would suggest you flirt more and let them know you enjoy their company but you also find them attractive and want more than a friendship. I would suggest to keep dating until you find that guy who does want more with you.
Pedigree Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 I also know that the guys who have told me they just want to be friends have either hurted someone by breaking up with them in a relationship or have been hurt somehow. Looks like it's just a matter of bad luck.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 I would love to be in a relationship with someone and see how far it takes us b/c. I personally believe that if you are not in a relationship or a relationship ends while your in college, don't worry about relationships and stay focused on the studies. Love will come in time, for most. I mean being friends isn't a bad thing especially going through school and all but dang I want more and it's difficult to find. I know what you mean. Even at before I have fallen on these difficult times, I have always wound up just being a good lay or paying date (Yes I pay for most of the dates because it is for a reason. Most people know they do what they do for the hope that their emotions and dedication is shown). Maybe I am not the dateable type... I think I am.. I am outgoing, a nice person, hardworking, and a responsible person. Or maybe i give off the "friend" vibe i do not know. Or maybe you (like me sometimes) rush too fast to perceiving the true intents of a person. I think this is where the concept of "Love made me blind." comes in at. We only see what we want and forget that we have someone else's emotions and individualism in the pairing. I think this is why it is always important to disclose exactly what you want up front. And if the person isn't looking for it, move on. And as far as the "friend" vibe, I know what you are talking about. I also know that the guys who have told me they just want to be friends have either hurted someone by breaking up with them in a relationship or have been hurt somehow. Or sometimes they are predators looking for easy prey. Or guys who might feel too rushed into a relationship (especially for most younger guys and gals). Sometimes coming off too strong and too fast can scare perspective partners (especially if you act like the obsessive, psychotic person who has to say I love you 20 times in one sentence, or cling on so tight one can't breathe, or text message or call 80 times in 4 hours). I would like to see if anyone has had similar situations and advice me on anything that I may be doing wrong that causes guys to "just want to be friends" . Or do I just need to find guys who are more settled or what. I would appreciate the advice Maybe looking for guys who are more settled (this does not mean someone who is married or engaged or in a relationship and looking for a woman with a big heart to help them carry on an affair). Maybe you should look for guys who already have a stable career and who have been in the employment world for at least 5 years. This might mean you have to bump up your age range as well. And you know what, your on a good track in figuring out what is wrong. It may not be the guys at all, but what you are doing and perceiving. Another thing you might want to do is expand you scope. Look at some of your hang ups that might be keeping you away from the relationship you want (sometimes foolish preferences keep us from finding the TRUE love we deserve and desire). But when you are in a relationship with someone there are always going to be battles like not having enough money, (especially when you are in your 20's), finding places to live, finding a good job, and many other situations. If there were more women like you interested in guys who may just be going through a hard time and who are ACTIVELY seeking to get themselves employed, I would probably consider hitting the dating field, but few women can understand that, especially if the guy is 30 and older. I hope you stay strong. Continue doing research into yourself. Find out from some of you exs was there something about you that might of put them off. And let them know before hand they you WILL NOT judge them or get mad by their responses. Let them know that it is for you to improve yourself and make yourself more prepared for that right man. DNR I know this might be old fashioned and too religious minded, but here it goes anyway... DON'T GIVE UP THE BOOTY WITHOUT GETTING THE RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT! Yes guys and gals might get put off by these, but screw them! We are talking about your heart and your body and if you can't respect that and get what you deserve for it, what makes you think someone else is going to respect your heart and body? There is a reason most people look down on (or treat such people like they do) strippers, prostitutes, sluts, and most people who are morally loose with their sexuality and with sex.
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