ate_the_paint Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Could a girl easily throw this away? * Met just after University in the Rocky Mountains and had the most incredibly romantic hook-up ever had. * Fell in love off the bat. Shared all the same opinions, humour, tastes, etc. * Went on a crazy adventure of driving in a crappy car from the Rockies to the Atlantic together. Slept in car. Made love in car, etc. * Her parents hit it off with me right away, and her dad has never liked any of her bf. He even took me fishing! * Bought a new car together. Moved in with each other. Still had fun. * Lived in Asia for two years together. Relied on each other in foreign land. Visited exotic places together. * Came home and started careers together. Got engaged. * She was always treated like gold. She knew I loved her and was secure with me. She knows I would never cheat on or abuse her. * Got two cats that we both love. Always talked about opening a business and having a family in her hometown (which I love). * Moved back to the Rockies together and have had several great Christmases, etc. * Started making wine together. Both love our townhouse and all the new furniture we bought together. * Always had great sex, for both me and her. * Still shared the same tastes, humour, etc. * Always managed to work out the rough patches together. Then she left and didn't give me a reason. She left all her stuff with me. Maybe another guy? Could she have just got bored after six years? Can a woman who has this level of experience and bonding with her guy just throw it all away?
foxh1234 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Hi, unfortunately, yes they can. Mine did the same and was cheating for months before she dumped me. We did everything together and then boom, gone and not coming back. If I could explain how someone could do it, I would write a book. It sucks big time and you may never know the real reason. I feel for you man, been there and done it. It has been 3 months for me and time does help. I don't know what else to say to you. I am very sorry you have to go through it.
Love_Forest Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I think you should talk to her if she left you without any word, you need some explanation, maybe she has another guy or maybe she has some more difficult problems- I hope not- but sometimes people that have difficult problems run away thinking they want to protect their partners.
J2FT1 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 * She was always treated like gold. She knew I loved her and was secure with me. She knows I would never cheat on or abuse her. Simply put, there was your problem. She became bored, despite all the great adventures.
vivrantflo Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Sounds like you two had an awesome relationship... But there's no way in hell that she'd throw all that away, unless she had a back up plan... which is another man. 6 years man.. that's harsh... This story right here, illustrates why some guys choose to be playas....
Calisto Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Maybe because you didn't take it to the next level, engagement/marriage. she didn't want to wait anymore.....or...she just fell out of love. All relationships don't last forever.
kizik Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Maybe because you didn't take it to the next level, engagement/marriage. she didn't want to wait anymore.....or...she just fell out of love. Respectfully, he should not be thinking this way. It will only cause him to ask what he did wrong to cause this. And while I'm sure he wasn't perfect, thinking about how he should have proposed is NOT HELPFUL. Whatever the reasons, people are FREE. She is FREE. She chose to leave, and it's completely devastating for you. But the sooner you can accept that she is not YOURS and that no one is OURS... the sooner you can move on.
serendip Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Maybe because you didn't take it to the next level, engagement/marriage. she didn't want to wait anymore.....or...she just fell out of love. All relationships don't last forever. Not sure if you read the OP's post but "Came home and started careers together. Got engaged." Ate-the-paint I might as well call myself 'drank-the-koolaid'....sometimes you can have the most incredible times together and be the best person you can be...and still the relationship doesn't work. It's one of those great mindf**ks in life. I had the most incredible times with the ex...similiar to yours. We cross oceans of time to find each other again and went on such adventures together. Sexually, emotionally we were in sync This is a email she sent to me while visiting potential place to start her practice... I wish you were here with me...I am staying in a gorgeous 3 storey cabin in the rainforest with a 5km running route on gravel terain along the ocean. THe air is fantastic out here...the place is amazing and it does look like there would be good potential to build a practice out here. I took a surfing lesson yesterday and the weather has been sunny and gorgeous Anyhow, I'll email you soon...I miss you alot and I wish you could be here with me...THe jacuzzi is HUGE in the cabin and we could cuddle together and cook dinner together... tlk soon! I love you so much. The next day she cheats on me.
iwish Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 This is a email she sent to me while visiting potential place to start her practice... I wish you were here with me...I am staying in a gorgeous 3 storey cabin in the rainforest with a 5km running route on gravel terain along the ocean. THe air is fantastic out here...the place is amazing and it does look like there would be good potential to build a practice out here. I took a surfing lesson yesterday and the weather has been sunny and gorgeous Anyhow, I'll email you soon...I miss you alot and I wish you could be here with me...THe jacuzzi is HUGE in the cabin and we could cuddle together and cook dinner together... tlk soon! I love you so much. The next day she cheats on me. Ouch man, that sucks!
kyta Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 They are harsh, one thing i have learned is that most women leave the relationship emtionally b4 the end of the relationship, where men end up finding out of the blue the relationship is over, then we men deal with the emotions, where they have allready.
Calisto Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Respectfully, he should not be thinking this way. It will only cause him to ask what he did wrong to cause this. And while I'm sure he wasn't perfect, thinking about how he should have proposed is NOT HELPFUL. Whatever the reasons, people are FREE. She is FREE. She chose to leave, and it's completely devastating for you. But the sooner you can accept that she is not YOURS and that no one is OURS... the sooner you can move on. I was giving a HELPFUL suggestion. He asked why would she leave? I was giving a possibility. That could be exactly why she left. Maybe next time he will not wait six years.
Calisto Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 They are harsh, one thing i have learned is that most women leave the relationship emtionally b4 the end of the relationship, where men end up finding out of the blue the relationship is over, then we men deal with the emotions, where they have allready. It is usually the person who does the dumping who has already left the relationship emotionally. It's not gender-specific. Was the wedding being planned though or was it being put off?
vivrantflo Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 I was giving a HELPFUL suggestion. He asked why would she leave? I was giving a possibility. That could be exactly why she left. Maybe next time he will not wait six years. YOU are being very harsh. The OP came on here for support, not his ex.. so stop being so hard on him. You werent in his relationship, so you don't know the dynamic of it. He may be too young to get married. Maybe he has some goals he wants to accomplish before he gets married. Maybe he's too young. Oh yeah, I forgot.. he said he was ENGAGED to her!!
Bobby.Roy Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 My ex left me in March this year (2008), after being with me for almost 9 years; what more could you expect.. I mean, if someone has to leave they will leave, no matter what we try to do. I had tried to make her understand, begged, pleaded but she went with that other guy.. Just mindlessly threw away 9 years of a wonderful relationship! I was shocked and absolutely heart-broken. I still am, but i HAVE to move on, there ain't no other choice.
Author ate_the_paint Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 My ex left me in March this year (2008), after being with me for almost 9 years; what more could you expect.. I mean, if someone has to leave they will leave, no matter what we try to do. I had tried to make her understand, begged, pleaded but she went with that other guy.. Just mindlessly threw away 9 years of a wonderful relationship! I was shocked and absolutely heart-broken. I still am, but i HAVE to move on, there ain't no other choice. I'm sorry Bobby. Mine was in April so not long after yours. I hope that your pain diminishes but judging by what I read here it seems like you and I are both going to be grieving for a while. 9 years. WTF? What gets me is that they refused to try to fix it. Sounds like you were blind-sided much like I was. It must be true what they say; by the time they physically leave, they've already left long before. I hope that everyone here can simply learn from the mistakes and go into the next relationship even stronger. Oh ya, and watch for those red flags!
Simon Leon Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Mine was 10 yrs...she left in may (5wks ago). Left with absolutly no warning. Told me after dinner she wanted a separation, hopped into our car and drove to her friends place. She said she isn't coming back. Our marrage was 10yrs of excitement travelling the world (Africa, Egypt, Turkey, South America, Aus, NZ, Asia) and I'm talking 2mth adventures every year. Had the great house, great jobs, great retirerment savings, great relationship with her family. Still....no warning....just outta here. We are both good looking very fit people.....so there shouldn't have been any lack of attraction. I am finally realizing that I don't understand woman. It took me 39yrs to realize this fact.
sparktonSS Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 If you think about it...people who have been married for 20+ years have breakups/divorces. 6 years is nothing against 20+ yrs of marriage. Yes, anything can happen at any time.
sumdude Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 yes... ..because they can.... Been there, done that, wore the t-shirt and had the bumper sticker. 7 1/2 years together.. not quite 2 married. Moved out without much warning. Lots of suspicion but no real proof of someone else.. It's been almost a year and a half since she left and less that a year since the divorce was final. Slowly getting over it all but it takes time..
critter909 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Same here, 9+ years, he walked out. We were having some problems etc. but nothing I thought we couldn't work out. I suspect he cheated but can't prove it. Some people can just walk away. That's what I kept saying to him when he was leaving, how can you just walk away from your whole life? But he can and did.
chrisanderson Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Going thru the same thing right now. GF dumped me right after a great dinner. I didn't see it coming at all. I begged, bought flowers, cards, blah blah blah. She wouldn't have any part of it. Come to find out there is another guy. How can you just throw away 5 years of something so good? I'll never understand it. One day we were planning our wedding, the next day she's at the beach with another guy. Disgusting if you ask me. Life moves on though. She left me in the beginning of May and although it hurts so badly, it does get better. Atleast I can eat and sleep normally. I don't see how I can trust another woman again. This girl was by best friend for 7 years... Goes to show you that you never truly know someone
kyta Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 You never really know anyone in this world, its not just women that leave, men do it as well, but it is mostly women, 7 yrs and out of the blue just like the rest of u gone, funny thing is she was moaning about sex, said she wasnt in to it didnt know why, but a cpl days after we finnished, in bed with another guy, makes me laugh really, me personally, i think most of the women i have met are full of the brown stuff,thye lie cheat decive, you name it they can do it, with no thought to anyone elses feelings, i have lots of friends that are girls, and i go out with them from time to time and i listen to them, its all the same that comes out there mouths, i know men talk but women seem to just be plain hurtfull, uncaring when they want to be, its ben 2 wks now, and feel not to bad now, still have the odd moment of grief, the pain isnt so bad, but im fighting the thoughts that she was special, at the end of the day i have to think of her as she was, not what my head it telling me she is, cos the reality of it was she isnt that nice a person, my head may make her out to be gold, but deep down she is just copper, im hoping this break up wont affect me to bad this time, and it doesnt seem to be, so fingers crossed i will move on quick.
justaman99 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 at the end of the day i have to think of her as she was, not what my head it telling me she is, cos the reality of it was she isnt that nice a person, my head may make her out to be gold, but deep down she is just copper. Very very true. People call it here as putting the other on a pedestal. I have days where I think of how great things were but I forget the reasons why it didn't work out. We put so much into thinking what ifs and if I could have just done that this way, we forget that there are two people in the equation. All I can do is look at how I behaved and how I treated her and what I received in return. It is only then that I realize who is better off.
orangehose Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 i think most of the women i have met are full of the brown stuff,thye lie cheat decive, you name it they can do it, with no thought to anyone elses feelings I'm sorry you've had negative experiences with women but crappy behavior isn't gender-specific. Based on my own breakup experience, I could just as easily condemn all men... But I know there are good ones out there (loveshack has actually prevented me from falling into total cynicism, as I see all you guys suffering along with us women).
Author ate_the_paint Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 (loveshack has actually prevented me from falling into total cynicism, as I see all you guys suffering along with us women). Exactly orange. There seems to be more posts here by women grieving infidelity than men, and my heart goes out to them all. Despite my ex's crappy behaviour, I don't begrudge women. I'm looking forward to the day when my own grief is gone so I can make a new girl feel like a princess. That's still a while away, so in the meantime keep those posts coming.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Hey man, women and men do just up and leave, re-write the history, claim theyve been miserable for years, all justification to make themselves feel good for what they doing and have done. No one put a gun to their head and made them leave. They left of their own free will. Their own choice. And just for that fact, the fact that they abandoned you should be more than enough reason to erase them and the memory of them out of your lfe. Do not let her take up space in your head.
Recommended Posts