Hopelessly_Devoted Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 My fiance and I broke up a month ago, he moved out. The reason for our break up is that I never changed. I gained alot of weight due to stress and I stopped appreciating him and cleaning. He told me over an ocer, let's go to the gym, please clean, etc. I did not listen. I was too comfortable in our situation. He still loves me and has told me that he told me over and over that I needed to do things differently. Each time I never changed. He said he wants to be happy, and this is what he has to do right now. He said "let's see if you change in 6 months" and he also spoke with my mother, (they have always had a great relationship) That this is hard for him, he is struglgling and let's see i down the line it could work. I know I have a lot of growing up to do. I know that he loves me and I love him. We were together for about 10 years. He sees that I am starting to change by taking care of my apartment and myself,etc and he says- I knew that when I left you would change when it would be too late. He has told my sister that he does not think a change in 1 month will stick. I understand his view completely now. I think that if I got back in shape and was more independent things could work out for us in the future. He told me that " if i told you that there is a chance for us in the future you would never change." so right now I am doing all things that i have to do for myself in order to be a person again and I have had NC with him for 2 days now. Based on what I wrote here, does anyone think that there is a chance? or am i riding on false hope? Thank you for any responses!
BillClam Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 He sounds like a dick and it sounds like you're under his shoe. Was he considered about your physical shape in an honest manner, or in a "be my trophy wife" manner?
Author Hopelessly_Devoted Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 He was concerned with my health and saw me getting depressed because of the weight gain. He is a real sensitive guy but it did put strain on our sex life. I never dressed up for him and expected him to enjoy something that I never was- a fat slob! I was always in shape and quite sexy. He did nt realize that the weight gain made me depressed and it changed my personality from someone happy to someone depressed.
BillClam Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I've known girls in great shape that have been concerned with their body types, it's always strange to me. It sounds to me still, that you have to work on your self-esteem. I know what it's like to feel out of shape, my body type is that of an inbetween, if I work out straight for a week, I'd see immediate improvements, party for a week, the opposite. However, I know what it's like to have your energy levels, and eventually mood, affected by your own physical shape, but alot of this is mental. It becomes hard to work out, but hey, screw the gym, that's something in my mind that's just not fun, take a class, yoga, rock climbing, something that's a hobby, not work. Something that you can take with you. Become a rock climbing badass, that'd be cool.
Author Hopelessly_Devoted Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 Yeah I have been swimming and going to the gym and my self esteem has been much better, people are complimenting me and it feels great. I just wish that I could have changed while I was with him so that this did not have to happen.
BillClam Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Well it did, and though perhaps he honestly tried, it seems you needed a true catalyst to make you feel better. Maybe you're better off for right now, but I wouldn't suggest making improvements for him, do them for yourself.
loomis Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Sorry not be rude or down on your situation, but I think he's being a total dick to you. This is exactly what my ex did to me. I was out of shape and didn't do everything that she wanted. It's dumb dude. I'm so glad that you decided to get back in shape for yourself. Don't do it for him. I lost 30 pounds in a month after my ex dumped me. To tell you the truth now that you're looking sexy and fine (not that you never weren't before I'm sure) SOOOO many guys, and I mean so many, are going to be wanting your number and hanging out with you. I'm in the best shape of my life and everywhere I go girls are flirting with me and basically begging me to ask for their number. (not to sound big headed) It's true though, once you get out of a relationship like that, and you get back on your feel and get back to the person you used to be, then people notice and they think it's totally attractive. So enjoy the new you. Have fun, don't do it for him. You're a new person now, go out and find someone who appreciates that from the start. Not from someone you have to earn from.
vivrantflo Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 My fiance and I broke up a month ago, he moved out. The reason for our break up is that I never changed. I gained alot of weight due to stress and I stopped appreciating him and cleaning. He told me over an ocer, let's go to the gym, please clean, etc. I did not listen. I was too comfortable in our situation. Ok, so it bothers him that you don't clean as much.. you put on weight, and you don't want to go to the gym... these are not reasons to end a 10 year relationship. If he felt unappreciated, the two of you could have worked on that.. and there's councelling available! He said he wants to be happy, and this is what he has to do right now. He said "let's see if you change in 6 months" and he also spoke with my mother, (they have always had a great relationship) That this is hard for him, he is struglgling and let's see i down the line it could work. This guy is a douchbag.. "let's see if you change in six months" RIGHT... meanwhile, I'll just move all my stuff out, start banging some other chick on the side, and smooth things over with your mom, so IF I want to come back, it won't be messy. 6 months should be enough time to see if I like this other girl or not. This guy is a tool. He has told my sister that he does not think a change in 1 month will stick. I understand his view completely now. You understand his view?? That he is being a condescending dick?? Who the hell does this guy think he is?? He told me that " if i told you that there is a chance for us in the future you would never change." so right now I am doing all things that i have to do for myself in order to be a person again and I have had NC with him for 2 days now. Im tired of bashing this prick. He has no right to talk to you like that. If you want to change your habits, and your appearance.. do it for yourself!! Not to impress this guy! And if you think for one second, that this guy is not hitting another woman on the side.......
Author Hopelessly_Devoted Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 Wow, yeah I see your points! I am sure he wants to see what else is out there for him. It isfair we were together since I teens and because I love him I want to give him that chance. I am changing for myself everyday, its getting easier without him, but if its true love when we do meet again one day then isn't it meant?
Recommended Posts