Lovelybird Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 All you gotta do is be confident in yourself. Learn to love and accept who you are and it will NATURALLY attract the right significant other to you. true "Blessed is the man who walks and lives not in the counsel of the unglodly" A man holds his value system is charming, he won't flush them down to toilet as long as the woman comes along. I remember there was only one man whom I had godly fear toward him, I just cannot step over the invisible boundary, and he was a quite gentleman and he was quite close to God. the same goes for women who needs a cocky man who doesn't know how to love his woman?
Tomcat33 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 true I remember there was only one man whom I had godly fear toward him, I just cannot step over the invisible boundary, and he was a quite gentleman and he was quite close to God. That's nice, now there's a quality to embrace: he instilled in me the godly fear towards him. Terrific. Admiration and hence attraction should not be based on fear, it should be based on respect and awareness. If we are selfaware enough to recognize our own virtues and follies, we can in turn be open to seeing it in others. A person who instills fears in others in order to gain respect is nothing more than a bully.
Author CaliGuy Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 That's nice, now there's a quality to embrace: he instilled in me the godly fear towards him. Terrific. Admiration and hence attraction should not be based on fear, it should be based on respect and awareness. If we are selfaware enough to recognize our own virtues and follies, we can in turn be open to seeing it in others. A person who instills fears in others in order to gain respect is nothing more than a bully. Godly fear is not the same as the fear of man. Godly fear is admiration. Manly fear is akin to "cowering." To say one has Godly fear is actually a very high compliment.
nicki Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Yeah, the word "fear" has many connotations. Which reminds me, I've heard one can make decisions either out of love or fear. The man who makes choices out of love would take the time to evaluate and get to know a new woman. That way he could make sure he is good for her and that she is good for him. (Love for himself and for her, too) He wouldn't rush things or get overly involved too early in order to feel more secure about himself. Those things would be "fear" based. A guy acting out of "love," might buy her a gift if he wanted to, but not to manipulate her. To manipulate someone is to act out of a place of fear. So, I would guess it goes to true intention. An outward action could look the same for two different guys, but mean different things. I like these kinds of books if they build self-esteem and change dysfunctional core beliefs. Nothing is sexier than a kind man who believes in himself and has good character and the integrity to do the right thing, for everyone involved.
sveltskye Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I kind of disagree with this. I think there is something to being strong in yourself and confident, but I think a lot of guys who are kind of nice guy/doormat types just haven't gained the confidence by having a girl see past all the cocky jerks who are more "exciting" to the real quality guy that's going to treat her right. I say this as a girl who really does try to pick the nice guy. A lot of girls my age are shallow and date "bad boy"s who end up being jerks to them. But I don't think there's anything wrong with going out with a more doormat-y guy- they're either going to prove their mettle and be the guy who always appreciates you and sticks by you and grows into themselves when they're with you, or they'll gain confidence and turn into a jerk whom you're better off without. Better than picking a cocky ******* to begin with.
Lovelybird Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Godly fear is not the same as the fear of man. Godly fear is admiration. Manly fear is akin to "cowering." To say one has Godly fear is actually a very high compliment. You explain it so well, CaliGuy godly fear means respect, admiration. the 'fear' here means I don't dare to pull crap on this man (my classmate), not because I fear he would hit me, that won't happen in a million years, but because the respect I has for him, because he said something that so right although he didn't agree with me, I guess God just moved me at that moment that I should respect him, difficult to explain, he was preaching to me that time actually by the way I had romantic crush for him long time ago, he was such a good heart man, and funny
Tomcat33 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Godly fear is not the same as the fear of man. Godly fear is admiration. Manly fear is akin to "cowering." To say one has Godly fear is actually a very high compliment. You explain it so well, CaliGuy godly fear means respect, admiration. the 'fear' here means I don't dare to pull crap on this man (my classmate), not because I fear he would hit me, that won't happen in a million years, but because the respect I has for him, because he said something that so right although he didn't agree with me, I guess God just moved me at that moment that I should respect him, difficult to explain, he was preaching to me that time actually by the way I had romantic crush for him long time ago, he was such a good heart man, and funny Ok I see what you mean, my bad. It's more like reverence. I always thought godly fear was fear instilled by god. Much like what religion does, instill fear and this is how respect is born. Some things don't have to make sense all you need to know is that you should not do it because you will be punished by god. Much like reverence is had for a cop or a judge, so you don't really want to cross either of those based on fear of punishment, not so much the virtues they posses as people. But I see what you are saying.
imbewildered Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 who needs a cocky man who doesn't know how to love his woman? Paradoxically,lots of women do in the mistaken belief that the "power of her love" can transform him. UNfortunately no woman has that kind of power, but they keep right on trying.
Lovelybird Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Ok I see what you mean, my bad. It's more like reverence. I always thought godly fear was fear instilled by god. Much like what religion does, instill fear and this is how respect is born. Some things don't have to make sense all you need to know is that you should not do it because you will be punished by god. Much like reverence is had for a cop or a judge, so you don't really want to cross either of those based on fear of punishment, not so much the virtues they posses as people. But I see what you are saying. Perfect love drive out fear. that is we have this relationship with God, we get His perfect love, and we respect Him Paradoxically,lots of women do in the mistaken belief that the "power of her love" can transform him. UNfortunately no woman has that kind of power, but they keep right on trying. so true , only God can change people
Trialbyfire Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 only God can change people I fully disagree with this. People can change themselves but most don't, since they don't have the strength or the determination to do so.
Tomcat33 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 Paradoxically,lots of women do in the mistaken belief that the "power of her love" can transform him. UNfortunately no woman has that kind of power, but they keep right on trying. SO true!!! Perfect love drive out fear. that is we have this relationship with God, we get His perfect love, and we respect Him Interesting concept and it makes sense. But perfect love between man and woman is not quite the same Lonelybird. It's easier to have a "perfect love" with an abstract concept, not quite the same idea when the object of your love is staring you down and talking back at you.
notgoodatthis Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I'm going to be 40 this year and I still agree 100% with this article. I've been at this dating thing for a long time now and I have not seen any evidence where being a nice guy has paid off. Every time I fall for a girl and treat her the way I'm supposed to, I get burned every time. On the flip side, every time I've been confident and aloof, they chase me and chase me and never stop. The sex is better and they are more loyal. Women are really ****ed in the head. What they say they want is usually the exact opposite.
Shygirl15 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I'm not sure why some guys in here seem to think appearing super confident and/or disinterested in a woman, would make them love him more.. Mmh..I guess it has a lot to do with the kind of women these gentlemen meet.. Seriously, if a guy treats me in such an off-handed fashion, it's a wrap. Most level-headed women in here will agree with me.
t_veron Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I agree with Shygirl. Look, when something is played out in the media and by the general public it's already out of fashion. This bad boy thing is old news. Girls want a nice guy right now so get with the program and grab your testies and be proud you're a nice guy. If you act like an ass yes you'll get the girl who responds to that kind of vibe. So here's my question.... what the hell are you going to do with a girl who can and will chew you up and spit you out before even having her morning coffee after you get her? You can't keep up the act for long. My advice, be confident who you are and you'll attract the kind of girl you'll be happy with over the long haul. Playing bad boy should only be used to get laid guys. Sorry laides, if you're shallow enough to go for the bad boys who just want tail then you are accepting these terms so don't cry because of your choices.
sumdude Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 this topic has been covered over and over on LS. Anything to extreme either way is too much. You can be too nice and you can be too a-holish.. Too nice: won't stand up for yourself, too willing to accept mistreatment and/or disrespect, giving too much of yourself to someone before they earn it, giving gifts (items or 'services') to ingratiate yourself hoping for some kind of reward from them, stopping or giving up too much of yourself and life for them, not able to step up and go after what he wants Too a-holish: do I really have to list these traits? lol selfish, self-centered, cold, etc tec Somewhere in between is a good man with self respect and confidence for himself who gives respect and affection to someone deserving of it.
Calisto Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Does the book credit Alice Cooper for the title of the book? I hope so or they could have a lawsuit on their hands.
jimbo Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 The article is bull. I've played both sides of the card. One that showed too much interest, and the one that took on a lazaire faire type of attitude. The one that I took the lazaire faire type of attitude told me I did not show enough interest. The one I showed too much interest stated I was too clingy. I thought working at my career was hard. It has nothing on this relationship stuff. Sometimes I think it is better to not even bother. Less stress and pain. No games.
t_veron Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 The article is bull. I've played both sides of the card. One that showed too much interest, and the one that took on a lazaire faire type of attitude. The one that I took the lazaire faire type of attitude told me I did not show enough interest. The one I showed too much interest stated I was too clingy. I thought working at my career was hard. It has nothing on this relationship stuff. Sometimes I think it is better to not even bother. Less stress and pain. No games. So true. Only being yourself, confidence, not clingy and needy, decisive, and not afraid to show emotion works. The game players are intrigued as much as the non-game players. Only the structured insecure ones who want what they want walk away. So work on these things as a lifestyle change because that's the kind of man that women need long-term even if they say otherwise.
Balthazar Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 A lot of the information which relationship gurus offer is useful but they tend to downplay certain basic factors purposefully as it is bad for their business. A prime example is when they deemphasize looks and stress confidence. The latter is ,undoubtedly, important, but the former is crucial also. Modern people have been raised to appreciate and strive for physical beauty. With this in mind, looks are of paramount importance. If the man is handsome(or the woman beautiful), a lot of , supposedly, important factors are waived as "unimportant". I had an interesting conversation once with a female friend(Marianne, 29). I asked Marianne if she would be bothered if someone made a move in a club or bar, possibly a bit awkwardly.. She stated she would be offended, unless, the guy was "cute". After a few more minutes of conversation the results were as follows. Cute but crass = He's in! Plain/Ugly and crass = He's out Cute and interesting = He's in Plain/Ugly but interesting = Probably out SO if he is cute, he is given the benefit of the doubt; he can do little or no wrong apparently! If he is not cute, he better be the conversational equivalent of Jean Paul Sartre, or else he is dead in the water! My point is that physical chemistry cannot be overlooked, and to that end, it is important to cultivate our body and mind. This self-improvement on all levels with bolster our confidence and amplify our attractiveness to the opposite sex. Just some thoughts, CHeers,
mousse Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 I liked this article and I think those advices apply for women as well. We often forget that "nice girls" finish last too. Men, just like women, are more attracted to people who are confident and independent and don't sacrifice themselves for their relationship. I think there might be a biological reason to this. Would you want to have a serious relationship and raise children with someone who's clingy, has no good boundaries, is not able to defend himself/herself ? How could someone like that make a good parent and partner for a LTR ? Instinctively, we're looking for strong mates because we know they'll be able to raise strong children and they'll be able to stand and fight during difficult times. Here's another article that I really like, it gives the same type of advices for women and it pretty much sums up the book "why men love bitches". http://www.couplescompany.com/advice/TOM/Man1.htm
imbewildered Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Here's another article that I really like, it gives the same type of advices for women and it pretty much sums up the book "why men love bitches". http://www.couplescompany.com/advice/TOM/Man1.htm I only read one page and could not stop laughing - this is vintage Cosmo pulp psych advice to women who have no clue. Absolute nonsense wrapped as sage advice.
The Collector Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Much as some women like to negate this idea with 'well, it's only certain low self-esteem women that fall for the bad-boy types' this isn't true in my (ex-bad boy) experience. If bad-boy is exciting and nice guy is dull, bad-boy wins. Only when a 'good provider' type is necessary will many women go against their natural attraction for dramatic, unpredictable, challenging bad-boys. The other untruth is that 'men are the same and want bitches.' Well, clingy can be unattractive, but on the whole men are not attracted to drama and selfish behaviour in a partner. Do you often hear men say of a prospective female 'yeah she's nice, a real lady - but maybe too nice...'
mousse Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 I only read one page and could not stop laughing - this is vintage Cosmo pulp psych advice to women who have no clue. Absolute nonsense wrapped as sage advice. I don"t think it's like cosmo advice at all. It's just a simple article saying it's important for women to be strong and independent in their relationship. I don't see what's nonsense about it : it's a classical advice.
Woggle Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 The key for men is to give a woman the treatment she deserves. Treat a queen like a queen Treat a princess like a princess Treat a ho like a ho Treat an intolerable witch like the intolerable witch she is If she treat a witch or a ho like a queen she will not appreciate it and will throw it back in your face but if you treat a queen like a queen she will love you for it and treat you like a king in return. You treat a queen like a ho or a witch and she will dump you on the spot because she has more respect for herself than to put up with that crap. You treat a ho like a ho or witch like a witch they will love you for it because that is the only thing they respect. They are eager for the challenge of a man who won't put up with their crap. Men need to learn how to assess women and quickly figure what type of woman they are dealing with and treat them accordingly. The only problem is that queens are very rare while witches and hos are in abundance so a man needs to learn how to sift out all the crap to find the diamond. I would advise a man to stay away from a princess because they are too naive and easily be corrupted by the witches and hos. I hope this helps.
imbewildered Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 I don"t think it's like cosmo advice at all. It's just a simple article saying it's important for women to be strong and independent in their relationship. I don't see what's nonsense about it : it's a classical advice. It is a classic pile or ignorance, and just more of the pulp about "strong women" ( whatever that means) and "vulnerable men ", that you ladies WANT to believe. I am man and I know a lot of men both personally and professionally.. We all gain "validation" from their careers, our intellectual pursuits , our actons, our recreation and our sports and our acheivements in general . WE do NOT look for "validation " from the woman(women) in out life or by having one. WE look for sex and emotional involvement, loyalty and respect. Secondly the vast majority of men do not love Baitches .We are repulsed by "Baitches". I could care less what some cash strapped author wrote to the contrary in some "self help " book aimed at gullible, confused women.
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